Category Archives: Epicnicity—yeah it’s a word
It might take me awhile to express how amazing our weekend at Ray’s Indoor MTB Park truly was. Even when I get around to writing about it, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to describe just how much fun we had – kidnapping Bob, the laughs, the road trip, the jokes, the great food, the laughs, the new nicknames, the laughs, and of course the riding. It was a weekend by which all other weekends will be measured, and in measuring, all other weekends will pale in comparison.
In the meantime, however, here is a video of some of our “outtakes” from Ray’s. Just remember, this video doesn’t even compare to how it really was, but you can tell we had a blast… even when we were screwing up (which we did A LOT!). Enjoy…
As you can see, there were no videos of Kage crashing her bike. That’s because her skills are far superior to ours… Or it’s because she is a crash ninja and only crashed when no one was there to witness it. You decide.
I’d like to thank my teammates for joining the celebration of Bob’s upcoming wedding. It couldn’t have happened without you guys.
And I’d like to tell Bob that we really do love you, man. Seriously. Good luck in your new life. Please don’t forget us. We’ll never forget you… And we’ll never forget this weekend.
Well, for those of you living in a cave, I’d like to make you aware of a little football game going down this Sunday. We call it the Super Bowl. And with the Super Bowl, comes Super Bowl parties which means way too much food and drink, which also means one of our worst ideas of all time is about to happen again.
There is something you can do as a preemptive strike on all of those calories. And to all of you out there who say, “Just don’t eat any junk food or put anything into the holy temple that is your body,” I say SHUT YO’ MOUTH! That’s just ridiculous. I’m going to eat and drink whatever I want on Super Bowl Sunday, and no one is going to make me feel guilty about it. After all, it’s what we do most of the time that matters, and most of the time I eat a healthy diet. Sunday will not be one of those days, though.
Team Virtus is once again here to “help.” It’s called the Super Century, and it is a really stupid and terribly awful idea – a virtual group trainer ride of at least 62 miles (a metric century). Yes, I said it’s a TRAINER RIDE of 62 MILES OR MORE… INDOORS! Want to know how it all came about last year? Then check this out.
Last year, the first annual Super Century was a taint-smashing success. Not only did we have riders from all over the country, but we had some lunatics doing some crazy things instead of the trainer ride so we could all suffer together thousands of miles apart (check it out). So don’t be shy. If you want to join us, just leave us a comment below.
There aren’t any real rules. Just hop on a trainer (borrow one if you must), and pedal for 100 kilometers. You can even ride outside if you want to. Or you can try to come up with an equally stupid challenge. No idiot will be turned away.
Be sure to check us out on Facebook and Twitter for updates, photos, smack-talk, and other tomfoolery. Last year we even had “#supercentury” trending in the St. Louis area last year. So if you are
stupid awesome and brave enough to join us in this horrible “group” ride, be sure to use the #supercentury hashtag so we can see it. I’ve also set up a challenge on Daily Mile which you can find right here.
I’ll be starting at 6:00 AM Central Time again this year since I have to work at 11:30. If you want to be able to “chat” with us via facebook and twitter, you should be riding sometime between 6:00 AM and 10:30 AM CDT. I hope to be done in 4 hours or so, but we’ll see.
So… Seriously, it was one of the worst things I did last year, yet it was one of the best things I did last year (Here is my terrible blog post about it). It’s hard to describe just how terrible and awesome it really was, so you should just join us and find out for yourself. Yes, YOU! And if you’re preparing for the Dirty Kanza, the OGRE or Cedar Cross, then you should DEFINITELY join us since it will not only train your legs and taint, it will train your mind!
Leave us a comment if you want to join us, if you have questions, and especially if you have any movie recommendations to help me block out the pain in my ass.
It’s here, ladies and gentlemen. After a full year of anticipation, the second annual Martin Luther King Ride (MLK2) is THIS SATURDAY! Last year we simply had way too much fun (thanks to the Hoosier Daddies), so we’re doing it again. I can’t even tell you how awesome this ride/party was last year. I’m not kidding. It was amazing. Just go read the report linked above.
We’re meeting at the Berryman Campground Trailhead (Google Map Here) at 8:00 AM on Saturday, January 19th. We’ll probably roll out at 8:30-ish. Last year, there were some wickedly fast dudes who rode the entire 25-26 mile loop, but there were also fat, slow guys (Me) that only did part of the trail. So don’t be shy. It doesn’t matter if you ride 2 miles, 25 miles or no miles at all. It doesn’t matter if you’re fast or slow. It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female, veteran or newby, blue-eyed or brown-eyed. All that matters is you aren’t a douche bag and you want to ride and have fun with like-minded people.
The Hoosier Daddies made the first annual MLK Ride one helluva party, and they’re planning on doing it again. They’re bringing beer, brats, buns, plates, a grill, some tunes, and the oh-so-delicious blackberry whiskey. If you’re so inclined, bring a dish to share. That would be swell.
The weather looks like it’s going to be nearly perfect, so make sure you’re there. Leave us a comment to let us know you’re coming, or head over to the facebook event page to do so and get any last minute updates. While you’re there, be sure to like our team page as well. And leave a comment here or on the facebook page if you want to carpool with anyone. I know some people are looking for a ride to split the gas in the Jeff City area, so again, don’t be shy. Speak up!
We’ll have riders from St. Louis, Mid-Mo, Kansas City, Rolla, Springfield, and who knows where else. There is even talk of some people camping the night before and/or after. Single track, food, beer, cookies, camping, whiskey, tons of laughs… There will be something for everyone! C’mon. You know you want to be there.
Lastly, Here is a link to some trail info including a pdf of a trail map of the Berryman Trail: Click Me! So if you don’t want to miss the best ride of the year (so far), then we’ll see you on Saturday!
***Editor’s Note: This Thunder Rolls Race Report was written by Luke. Commentary was added by Bob in Green and Kage in Blue, and Luke added a few responses in Red. We hope you enjoy.***
***Note #2: If you haven’t read or seen The Hunger Games, then you may not get a few of these references. Don’t worry, though. Whether you’re familiar with The Hunger Games or not, this race report will still be worthy of a Pulitzer-Prize… or at the very least, my mom will say it’s good.***
Every year the Head Game Maker (Race Director), Gerry Voelliger, requires two or three Tributes (Teammates), either coed or same-gender, from each District to participate in the Thunder Games. At the reaping in each District, names are drawn to decide who will race with whom. When Adam’s name was announced as the first Tribute, everyone was shocked. He was just so frail and helpless, everyone knew he wouldn’t make it. The Games would eat him alive, destroying the delicate, little flower that is Adam. I couldn’t take it, so I screamed, “I volunteer! Take me instead of Adam! I volunteer!”
As I staggered forward numbly, I heard the names of the other two Tributes. Kage and Bob were also selected for this year’s Thunder Games. The three of us, the chosen ones, were the Tributes representing District 69, the Virtus District, for the 10th annual Thunder Games (Thunder Rolls Adventure Race).
The Trip to the Capitol
We planned on leaving the Seam (Jefferson City) around 7:00 – 7:30, and Bob was ready when I met him at his house. In fact, he had time to squeeze in a vigorous workout in preparation for The Games.
Each Tribute is allowed to take one Token with them into The Thunder Games. The Token is supposed to represent and remind them of home. Bob’s choice was easy, but I was still humbled and honored when he chose to take a gift that I had given him.
We were running late, but when we arrived at Kage’s place in the Hob (St. Louis), she was nowhere to be found. I guess she was trying to make a last minute trade of small game for some much needed supplies (glow sticks). After waiting roughly 4 hours (Kage: I actually pulled in right after they did, but the look on their faces was priceless), Kage finally graced us with her presence, and we made our way to the Capitol (Mount Caroll, IL).
On the way to the Capitol, Kage kept crying and blowing her nose. She must have been worried about leaving her family behind (actually her allergies had flared up in a BIG way). She looked absolutely miserable, but we knew she’d be fine once the race started.
Upon arrival, we checked in with the amazing Peacekeepers (volunteers), and we received our awesome schwag bags. The North Face Hoodie and the Boetje’s mustard are my favorite!
Training Session in Front of the Gamemakers (AKA – Ascending Practice)
We met up with fellow Tributes from District 68 (Iowa), Todd and Brian from WTFAR and Dave from Tardy Rooster, who were staying in the same cabin as us. They had already formed an alliance that would prove to be strong, and they became WTFARTR (pronounced WootFarter).
Kage had never rappelled before. She had never ascended before. In fact, she had never really done anything with fixed ropes before. Fortunately, we were allowed to practice ascending before the pre-race meeting. Our Mentor (Robyn Benincasa) told us that we needed to get our game faces on. We had to show no fear, and we really needed to impress the Gamemakers.
Bob and Kage each hopped on a rope, and they made short work of the 40 – 50 foot ascent. After just a little bit of instruction, Kage seemed to grasp ascending quite well. Then I shimmied my way up to join them. It was physically challenging for all of us, but we were ready.
Kage: I had been really nervous about the ropes sections of the course, and this practice really set me at ease. Huge thanks to the volunteers there!
Opening Ceremonies (Pre-Race Meal/Meeting/Route Planning)
We all ate one last meal together, and it was delicious. As we enjoyed the food, we looked around at all of the other Tributes. The Careers were all there, Wedali, Alpine Shop, and Bushwhacker. They looked at ease, but we knew they had been trained to destroy us all.
Head Gamemaker, Gerry Voelliger, introduced himself and then informed us of all we would need to know. He is notorious for his sadistic ways, and everyone knows that he gets joy out of the Tributes’ suffering.
We received our maps, and Kage and I plotted our course while Bob worked on last-minute survival skills… Um… Actually he took a shower… before doing a 24-hour adventure race… instead of taking a nap…
Bob: I didn’t want to get the Speedo dirty.
Kage: There were a few points that didn’t seem right when Luke plotted them, and I was worried that I’d screwed up the coordinates I was reading because I was so hopped up on Benadryl. Then Gerry came in to make some adjustments to the clue sheet and everything made sense. Whew.
We plotted the points, planned our route, and packed our gear. We got our other gear, food, and clothes packed up, and we took them to the Cornucopia (Bike Drop). We then sat down for a few minutes before it was time.
Entering the Arena / Leg 1 – Coasteering
With high hopes, we donned our packs and headlamps and then made our way to the starting line. After one last dukie-break, it was time to line up for a group photo. We all wondered which of us would not make it back in one piece.
As the clock struck midnght, Gerry yelled, “Go!” And Go we did. In fact, we started faster than we normally do. We normally either start out at a walk or we only run far enough to be out of range of the cameras before we walk. Not this time, though. We started running, and we didn’t stop right away. In fact we just kept running.
We weren’t setting any records, but I was feeling pretty good about our pace. The Careers were way out of sight of course, but for us, it was a good start. As we got into Mount Carroll, we entered a park. It was then and only then when we slowed to a walk. WTFARTR was right with us, and there were even a few teams behind us.
Bob: While I typically enjoy the isolation associated with being in last place, it felt really good to be among other teams. I thought we held a respectable pace and I was surprised we didn’t pass more people during this part of the race. I think we should do this running thing more often.
Kage: I wanted to die a little bit here, but there was no way I was going to be the one who was the first to quit running. I blame the Benadryl and certainly not my lack of training.
The next section was a Coasteering section where we had to stay within the banks of the Wakarusa River. The depth of the river ranged from ankle-deep to neck-deep, and in one or two places the water was over our heads. So we basically had to hike/wade/swim down the river at 12:30 AM with full packs on. And it… was… awesome! It might be one of my favorite legs of any race we’ve ever done.
Bob: Echo that. I remember swimming next to Todd and we were both laughing hysterically. This part of the race was just plain awesome.
Kage: Loved it!
Unfortunately, I have no photos of this leg since my camera isn’t waterproof, Kage’s camera is waterproof but has no flash, and Bob’s camera is waterproof with a flash but he couldn’t find it before leaving District 69. Trust me, though. It was an absolute blast. Fortunately, race photographer, John Morris, was out there to capture this shot:
On the other hand, it kind of sucked, too. It was never easy. Our socks and shoes immediately filled with grit, sand, and rocks. Trying to empty them was a losing battle. The uneven, rocky terrain underfoot wreaked havoc on our ankles, shins, and knees. Every one of us in our 6-person super-group of Team Virtus and WTFARTR fell over at one point, and a couple of us even went completely under. We managed to pass a couple of teams who missed a Checkpoint that was tucked behind some rocks which was nice, but walking through the water just hammered our quads and hip flexors. It was rough.
Regardless… It was one of the highlights of not only this race, but of my adventure racing career. Yes, I enjoyed it (and hated it) that much.
Leg 1 Continued – Orienteering & Rapelling
After CP 4, we were allowed to leave the Wakarusa behind. We grabbed a couple of CP’s, and then WTFARTR got a bit ahead of us on our way up to get another CP at the top of a reentrant at a creek junction. As we were heading up, they were heading back down. Once we punched the passport, I took a look at our map.
The next CP was on top of a narrow ridge. We were already up high, so I thought we should stay high. I thought it was very odd that WTFARTR (in addition to a couple of other teams) had gone back down. Especially since WTFAR’s motto is, “Up is good… except when it’s not.” I figured they must have tried bushwhacking and thought it wasn’t a good option, so I asked my fellow Tributes what they wanted to do. And then something amazing happened. Kage gave an opinion.
Now that may not sound like a big deal, but I think it’s huge. You see, before this race, Kage never really gave her opinion. She always just went along with whatever we decided. Most of the time she never gave an opinion because she didn’t really know enough about the map or the terrain to give an informed decision. And some of the time she probably wasn’t comfortable speaking up for fear of being wrong. Not this time, though.
She piped up right away, “I say we stay high instead of going all the way down just to come all the way back up.” I agreed, but I was still baffled as to why WTFARTR went back down. So I decided to bushwhack just a bit to see if it opened up any. And boy, did it open right up. In fact, there was a perfect little trail that led right to the CP. Good call, Kage!
Kage: I just didn’t want to climb uphill again.
The next CP was in the back of a cave where we all had to be punch our wristbands at the CP (roughly 300 ft back) to prove that the entire team went all the way in. This cave is really cool. It’s very narrow at points, and with teams coming and going, we got up-close and personal with complete strangers as we passed each other. The bats in this cave were like Kamikaze pilots, dive-bombing right in front of our faces or at the backs of our heads. Just a really cool experience.
From here, our next CP was the rappel, and I was REALLY looking forward to this. For those of you that don’t know, Bob lost a bet to me, so he had to wear a Speedo of my choosing for part of this race. We opened up a poll for all of you Virtusites, and even though Bob and Brian tried to cheat the system with Brian voting from 40 different computers for “Biking at Night,” their attempt was thwarted by all of you good, honest people, and “Fixed Ropes” won the vote.
Bob: Hey now, I think if you look back you’ll see that Casey gave the OK for multiple votes as long as they came from different IP addresses.
Luke: He didn’t give the OK, he just said it was possible. It wasn’t cheating, but it wasn’t exactly on the up and up, now was it? It doesn’t matter now. The right choice prevailed.
As Kage and I were putting on our harnesses, Bob was swapping his clothes for the Gold Speedo. There were several teams and a handful of volunteers there to witness this historic event, but we were sad that WTFARTR was going to miss it.
But then we heard some crashing through the woods and then a loud, “Yeeesssss!! We made it in time!” It was Brian, followed by Todd and Dave. They had realized their mistake and then hauled ass to catch up to us. Now all was right in the world. Our good friends would be there to see Bob “shine.” We posed for a photo or twelve, but be warned. Once you see the next few photos, you will never feel the same about Bob Jenkins. You will love him even more (if that’s possible).
Kage: I had seriously mixed feelings. On one hand, the Speedo bet was hilarious and has given us hours of fun. On the other hand, I’d have wanted to die before walking out in front of a bunch of other people in basically no clothes. No matter how uncomfortable Bob might have been, though, he owned it. And laughing about this insanity distracted me from my terror of heights and the knowledge that I was about to rappel for the first time. Thanks, Bob!
Luke: Kage is right. The whole thing was absolutely hilarious, but when it came time for it to actually go down, I was feeling pretty badly about it. Not badly enough to put a stop to it, of course. I mean, a bet’s a bet. Bob was simply superb. He more than owned it. He owned it, took it public and sold shares, and then bought all the shares back again. Bob, you were fantastic! Seriously, no one should EVER punk out on a bet after seeing you live up to this one (and yes, Brian, I still owe you a snack from our bet!).
After laughing our asses off, it was time to throw ourselves off of a cliff. Kage had never rappelled before. As in NEVER. So her first rappel was going to be 100 feet high or so, in the dark, with a free-fall, into a river. The plan was for me to go first so I could belay her at the bottom, she would go second so Bob could give her encouragement from above, and then Goldmember himself would rappel down in the Gold Speedo.
Kage had fingerless biking gloves, and I had full-fingered, leather gloves. I also had a pair of full-fingered biking gloves in my pack that I offered her. She was about to accept my offer when one of the volunteers said she wouldn’t need them. I offered once more, but Kage said she’d be fine. So over the cliff I went.
It was a really fun rappel, and I’m finally able to rappel without getting really nervous. I almost fell into the water at the bottom, but I managed to stay upright. The volunteers at the top and bottom were amazing. As I was unclipping from the rope, they informed me that there was a hornet’s nest somewhere nearby, so Kage’s first rappel would include dangerous insects as well. Nice, huh?
So it was Kage’s turn. I wasn’t up there, but Bob said she seemed like she had done it a hundred times.
Kage: If you really look at that picture, I look like I’m headed to the firing squad. I was really nervous waiting, to the point where my hands were shaking and I was feeling nauseous. Once I was hooked in, though, I was just focused on what I needed to do. I did get a little uncomfortable when I spun away from the wall, but I really wasn’t scared. Very cool experience.
Kage rappelled like a champ. It’s ridiculous how she seems to have absolutely no fear (and I still haven’t heard complain). She’s such a broodmare. During the rappel, I think she got going a bit too fast and nearly burned her fingers. If only she had a really wise and handsome teammate that suggested she wear full-fingered gloves. Hmm…
Kage: Let me officially say it here on the blog: Luke, you were right. I totally should have listened to you.
Luke: Wow. That is my favorite line of this entire race report!
Then it was Bob’s turn to rappel with Kage as his bottom-belay. It was hard to see him at the top of the cliff, but as he came downward, his gold Speedo shone like a beacon in the night. It was a sight to behold, let me tell you. Bob also got going too fast, though. He couldn’t seem to stop himself, and he yelled for a belay from Kage. I told Kage to pull the rope tightly, but it was twisted around another rope. Before we could figure this out, Bob was already in the river.
Kage: I feel bad about that. Sorry Bob!
Luke: It wasn’t your fault. I couldn’t have done anything if it was me doing the belaying. The ropes were twisted.
For a minute or so, Bob stayed in the water. We would later learn that Bob was yelling for us to stop him because the rope was burning his belly. He said the cool water was quite soothing to his smoldering skin, and it offered a brief respite from the searing pain. If you look closely in the photo above, you can see a small, red line on his belly just above his harness. And if you can’t quite make it out, here is a better shot of it:
Even though we had already experienced a full race-worth of fun and pain, we knew we must press on. There was a LOT more racing to do. So onward we pushed.
Will Team Virtus find the next CP? Will they succumb to the Careers? Will Bob continue to wear the Speedo just for fun? Will the Tributes from District 69 survive what the head Gamemaker has planned? Stay tuned to find out.
To Be Continued…
Two hundred miles is a long way. Two hundred miles on a bike is even longer. Two hundred miles of rough, gravel roads through the Flint Hills of Kansas in the heat and humidity of June on a bike is just stupid. Throw in possible hazards such as nasty storms, severe cramps and dehydration, bad crashes, wayward helmets bouncing down the road (we’ll get to that in a minute), flat tires, gashed sidewalls, cattle stampedes, getting lost, etc., and you’re talking about a horribly bad idea. After attempting to ride half of the Dirty Kanza as part of a duo last year, I was still dumb enough to sign up for the full 200 miles this year.
I’m not alone, though. Around 420 riders toed the line for the full 202 miles at this year’s DK200. Many have said it before me, but I’ll say it again. There is just something about this race. I don’t know what it is exactly, and I can’t put it into words. I’ll try to paint you a picture of the race, but trust me… It will pale in comparison to how amazing this race really is. If, at the end of reading this race report, you think to yourself, “That race looks pretty cool, but these people are crazy. There is no way I’d ever want to do that, but man… it does look kinda fun,” then I have one thing to say to you: See you there next year.
Friday June 1st – Drive to Emporia, Check-in, and Meeting
Casey and Austin almost didn’t make the drive from NY because of some cramp-like pain in Casey’s legs. He decided, after waiting an extra day, to make the drive and see how he felt. Well, he didn’t feel any better. In fact, Bob had to pull over and let Casey sprawl out on the side of the road for a bit. Not good.
Eventually, we all made it into Emporia and checked into the hotel. After Casey needed help getting off the toilet (literally), we decided that his son, Austin would go to register for him. We registered and went to get a bite to eat when Casey called and asked for someone to take him to an emergency care-clinic. My wife, Becca, and Austin went back to get him. It wasn’t long before they sent Casey to the emergency room for blood-work.
Clearly, Casey would not be racing with us the following morning. As a former pro MMA fighter, he’s used to a lot of pain, so if he asked to be taken to the clinic, I knew it was pretty damn serious. He had trained unbelievably hard for this race, and there is no doubt in my mind that he was far more prepared than I was. Then to drive nearly 20 hours for this race, spending money on gas, food, and lodging (not to mention the race entry fee), only to end up on the sidelines watching the rest of us race had to be terrible. It was decided that Austin would race in Casey’s place.
We sat through the pre-race meeting where I didn’t win anything. Actually, that’s not true. I managed to snatch a sweet Backcountry Research TulBag out of the clutches of Jim Davis’ hands, but I couldn’t bear his sad, puppy dog eyes staring back at me. So I gave it to him. Actually, I already had a Tulbag since Backcountry Research was such a generous sponsor of The Cedar Cross, and even though I absolutely LOVE it, I figured I didn’t need two of them. So Jim ended up with it after all.
We made our way back to the hotel, finalized our food bags, and got our bikes ready. I went over everything one or five more times before crawling into bed around 11:00 PM with the alarm set for 5:00 AM. Before going to bed, I made sure that Becca and Michelle knew where to go and what they were supposed to do. Just to make sure our crew knew exactly what we needed from them, I made my wife this list:
Saturday, June 2nd – Before the Start of the Race
We all slept as much as we could, although I think we all slept fitfully at best. We awoke the next morning and got ready. We loaded up the Virtus Van and Casey’s van, and we drove over to the starting line. And let me tell you something… It was COLD! I never dreamed that I would be freezing at Dirty Kanza, but there I was, shivering in my jacket before the start of the race.
We all lined up for a group photo before riding around the corner to the starting line.
As I made my way around the corner toward the starting line, I looked up just in the nick of time to see Austin topple over in the middle of the street. I’m not sure what happened, but since he was riding his dad’s bike, I can only assume that he wasn’t used to it. I’m guessing that he couldn’t unclip, and he just fell over. It was hilarious! Fortunately for Austin, we were at the back of the pack, so only a handful of people saw it.
We saw some of our good friends at the back of the starting line: Travis Hammons, Justin Nemeth, and the Orange Lederhosen boys. Robby, Bob and Travis lined up a little in front of us. It was a really cool experience standing there with 400+ other riders ready to tackle the 200+ miles that lay ahead of us.
Leg #1: Emporia to Cassoday – 62 miles
After several last-minute high-fives, good lucks, fist-bumps, and a hug or two, we heard a countdown and then “Go!” With adrenaline coursing through our veins and visions of drinking out of the coveted Finisher’s Pint Glass in our heads, we all rolled out together. I was feeling good, and my ass did not yet hate me.
Here is a short video of the start of the race. At the 1:36 mark, you can see Kage, Adam, me, and Austin (left to right) with only a dozen riders behind us. I couldn’t see Robby or Bob. I guess they’re just too fast. If you can spot them, leave us a comment with the time of the video, and we’ll give you a high-five the next time we see you.
Before the race, I had made it well-known that I didn’t want anyone waiting for me. I wanted us all to ride our own race at our own pace. I just didn’t want to hold anyone back. I figured some of us would stay together for most of the first leg, and then we’d kind of spread out. Austin, Adam, Kage, Justin, and I stuck together as the sun was juuuust starting to show itself.
It wasn’t very long at all before we saw Bob and Travis making a pit stop on the side of the road. I guess those boys pre-hydrated quite well since we were less than 20 minutes into the race. So then our Virtus-Train was rolling seven strong. Robby was already way ahead of us.
The gravel roads were smooth and easy with no hazards at this point. Or so I thought. After looking down to put my water bottle back in its cage, I looked up just in time to avoid getting hit… by a bicycle helmet. It bounced right in front of me as I swerved around it, and then it bounced into some other riders’ paths behind me. Fortunately, no one crashed.
We stopped to figure out what had happened. Then we saw Austin sheepishly slinking over to pick up his helmet. When asked how his helmet had flown off his head while riding his bike, he responded in a Butthead (from “Beavis and Butthead”)-like voice, “Uh huh huh… I had to adjust my hat… huh huh.” Wow. I’ve never seen a helmet flying down the road at me before. Austin replaced his melon protector, and we all rode on.
The miles were flying by easily, but it was very early, the wind was nonexistent, and the temperature was a perfect 50-55 degrees. The scenery was nice at this point, but we had yet to make it to the heart of the Flint Hills. Some riders passed us, and we passed some riders, chatting every now and again along the way. Everyone was in good spirits with high hopes of finishing. I wish I knew whether or not this guy finished:
As I passed this guy, I mentioned that I liked his bike. You see, it was the same bike as mine: a Specialized Tricross Single Speed. Well, I thought it was the same bike as mine, but there was one major difference. Todd asked what gear I was running, and I replied, “42 x 20.” Now, I really don’t know much about gearing or gear-inches or anything like that. I just ride what I think I can ride. I assume that this is a very easy gear, but I don’t really have anything to compare it to. I then asked Todd what he was riding. His answer: “48 x 15… Fixie.” Um… Even with my limited gear-knowledge, I’m pretty sure that is a ridiculously difficult gear. And riding a fixed gear?!? Wow. We wished each other luck, and then the Virtus caravan rolled on ahead. Tod, if you’re reading this, please let us know how you did!
***UPDATE: Unfortunately, Tod had a major issue with his knee that prevented him from finishing the race, but it’s pretty clear from his comments below this blog post that his ‘nads are definitely bigger than mine. We’ll definitely see him again next year, and hopefully we can make it to Wilder’s on Main in Hutchinson sometime where he is the Chief Chef (and Bob, they even have biscuits and gravy!!!).
Nothing crazy happened on this leg of the race. There were big hills, wide-open scenery, and lots of great gravel roads. Some of us would ride ahead for a spell, and some of us would fall back a bit. For the most part, however, we all stayed together for most of this leg, and it was really great riding with such good friends in such an amazing place.
As we got farther away from Emporia and deeper into the Flint Hills, the roads became rougher, the scenery more beautiful, and the ride more awesome. We’ve written this a thousand times, but it bears repeating: Photos do no justice to just how amazing it really is out there! Especially with my crappy, little camera. That being said, here are a few photos from the first leg of the Dirty Kanza:
With about 25 miles left of the first leg of the race, I could tell that Austin wanted to go faster than I was willing to go. I told him to do his own thing, ride his own race, and to be careful. As he and Adam started to drop us, I realized that I should follow my own advice. I realized that we were going a bit faster than I had originally planned. I also noticed that Bob decided to ride a little slower and had fallen off the back of the pack a little bit. Knowing Bob is a wily veteran of Dirty Kanza, I decided to slow down and ride with BLD since he was maintaining my intended pace.
Within a mile or two, it seemed like everyone kind of had the same idea as we caught up to the group during a pee-break. Either that, or we all just wanted to stay together at this point, so we grouped up again. With about 10 miles left, though, we were a little concerned with our pace, so we picked it up just a little bit. Somewhere along the way, Kage had fallen off our pace. She, too, had made it clear that we should not wait for her. I was torn, though. Part of me felt like I should really go back, but the other part of me knew that we all needed to ride our own race. So we kept riding.
Somewhere along the first leg, we ran into our friends Cary and Guy. Cary is an animal on the bike, so I was surprised to see him. They were calling their support crew to see if they could scrounge up another set of 26″ tires and tubes. Cary had gashed his tire pretty good, and although he had booted it, it didn’t look like it was going to last the rest of the race. See for yourself:
We wished them luck and said goodbye. We later heard that Cary didn’t finish the race, and that’s too bad. He’s a great guy and, like I said, a VERY strong rider. Sometimes, though, things don’t go your way – especially at Kanza.
The last 10 miles or so, I wasn’t feeling great. I wasn’t feeling terrible, but I was a far cry from how I thought I should be feeling. It was getting hotter, and my ass was really starting to hurt. The ass pain and chafing was weird since we were less than 60 miles into this race, and during training, I had ridden farther and longer on the exact same set-up with no issues. I finally put my earphones in and cranked up some tunes to help bring me into Cassoday.
As we made it to the checkpoint, I saw Travis’ beautifully pregnant wife, Crystal, waving to us. I waved back. Then I heard cheering and saw our support crew waving at me. I turned into the parking lot and found our crew. They told me that I needed to go down the street a bit to check in with race volunteers before I could sit down in the shade. I was a bit pissed, to be honest. I rode over to the volunteers, checked in, and got the map for the next leg of the race. I then went back to our spot where Austin and Adam were already in the shade.
I think I was a bit snippy with Becca, and I feel REALLY badly about that. I think I said something like, “Hey, if you aren’t set up in the same spot as the checkpoint next time, it would be cool if you informed me before I rode any extra mileage.” It turns out that Crystal was waving for me to go the other way when I came in, and the rest of the crew was waving and yelling at me to go the other way, too. I just couldn’t hear them with my iPod on, so it was my own damn fault. Big thanks to Becca for not getting mad at me in the heat of the moment.
A few minutes later, Kage rolled in. Robby had already come and gone before I made it to the Checkpoint, and Austin decided to call it a day. 62 miles was his longest ride ever, and he had not trained for this race since Casey was supposed to be riding instead of him. So, he joined our amazing support crew at this point.
And amazing they were! All I did was sit down and rest. Casey took care of our bikes, wiping them down, airing up the tires, and lubing the chain. Becca and Michelle were swapping out water bottles, filling water bladders, handing us food (Half of a Jimmy John’s Gargantuan Sub for me) and ice-cold drinks, and making sure we had anything we needed. It was mind-blowing. They were like a well-oiled machine that had been doing this together for years even though this was the first time they had done anything like this.
We had only intended on staying for 15 – 20 minutes, and we really had no excuse to stay any longer since our crew was so efficient. For whatever reason, though, we stayed roughly a half an hour. Eventually, we all realized we needed to get moving, and we hopped on the bikes again around noon.
Leg #2 Cassoday to Florence – 44 miles
We rolled out together onto a short stretch of pavement before hopping back onto the gravel roads. The sun was out in full-force now, and although it wasn’t nearly as hot as the last two years, it was still getting pretty damn hot.
We were maintaining our pace of 12-ish miles per hour, and I was starting to feel better. My ass, however, was starting to feel worse. The Chamois Butt’r that I reapplied did nothing except burn the hell out of my already chafed nether regions. I was worried that this was going to get really bad. The good news, though, was that the roads were getting a lot rougher. That could only be good for my ass, right?
We kept rolling, and we were having a lot of fun. I only had one problem at this point. My butt-pain was becoming a lot worse, and I decided to pull over to give my sore parts a rest as soon as I found some shade. At Dirty Kanza, however, Shade is hard to come by for miles and miles at a time. Don’t believe me? Have a look:
The more my ass hurt, the more I thought about it. The more I thought about it, the more it hurt. I then realized that it felt like my saddle had somehow shifted backwards. I needed to adjust it, but I didn’t want to stop in the blazing sun. So I kept riding… and riding… and riding… Until we eventually found a small refuge of shade.
I hopped off the bike in the shade and checked my saddle. Sure enough. It had shifted backwards and upwards. I think it started shifting slowly throughout the first leg of the race. So slowly in fact, that I didn’t even notice it until the damage was done. I was like a frog in a pot of water slowly brought to a boil. The change in the position of my saddle was too gradual for me to realize it until the pain became unbearable.
Adjusting my saddle helped tremendously. Pressure was immediately relieved, but the chafing and soreness did not go away. There was nothing I could do at this point, so I just hopped back on the saddle and started riding again.
Some of the sections on this leg were beautiful. There were some good climbs and some great downhills. One such downhill was an absolute blast to fly down, but it was rough. Actually, it was so rough that we had our first flat of the day. Well, I should say Bob had our first flat of the day. Fortunately, we stopped in the shade for Bob to change the tire. Even with the shade, though, it was hot and humid!
Kage decided to ride on as the rest of us waited for and/or relieved ourselves while Bob worked on the flat. She figured we’d catch her soon enough. I took this opportunity to drop a deuce behind a tree. Don’t worry, I’ve been trained in LNT principles, and this was definitely an LNT deuce.
Once business was taken care of and Bob’s tire was ready to go, we started on our way again. We caught Kage sooner than I thought we would. Later I would learn that she wasn’t feeling well, and she was struggling a bit (read her race report here).
We all rode together for awhile, but Kage fell back. I slowed down to check on her as the others pulled ahead. Even though she wasn’t feeling great, she was still in good spirits, and I still haven’t ever heard her complain. We chatted a little as we rode together. We talked about whether we were going to make it to Florence before the 4:30 PM cut-off and if we did make it in time, whether or not we were going to feel like continuing.
I told her that I promised myself that I would ride out of any Checkpoint that I made it to in time regardless of how I felt. I told Kage she should to do the same, and she agreed. Shortly after this, we caught up to the group as they were taking another pee-break.
I don’t really remember what happened after we caught up to the other guys, but somehow we lost Bob and Kage. I don’t know when or where it happened, but they were nowhere behind us. Looking at the clock and figuring out how far we still had to go, we knew we couldn’t wait for them. Again, I was torn. I wanted to wait for them, but I knew if I did, there was a good chance I might not make the cutoff. What if I had a flat? What if I started to cramp? So, we kept riding with the hope of seeing Bob and Kage catch up to us.
With about an hour left before the time cut-off and roughly 10 miles to go, we heard a loud “Pssssssssssss!” Not good. Justin had a flat, and from the sound of things, we were expecting a big gash in his tire. This was not the case, though. It seemed to be just an ordinary flat.
Adam’s legs were on the verge of cramps and they would tighten up anytime he stopped, so he needed to keep riding to stay loose. I told Travis to go on ahead, and I’d stay with Justin to make sure he was good to go.
We’d still have time to make it to the cut-off, but we needed to hurry fixing the flat. As we were almost done, Bob came riding up. It was really great to see him, but I was worried about Kage. He said that he tried to get her to ride faster, but she just couldn’t do it at that point. She told him to ride on.
With Bob back in the mix, we did ride on. We all hoped and prayed to the Kanza Gods that none of us got another flat or any other mechanical. If there were any more problems, that rider would probably miss the cutoff and the others would have to go on ahead. Fortunately, we had no more issues on this leg, and we made it into Florence with about 15 – 20 minutes to spare.
Emma from Orange Lederhosen and Crystal had kind of teamed-up with our support crew to form a super-crew. They were all there waiting for us again, and once again, I was blown away by how awesome our crew was. We were more than taken care of. We were pampered! Before helping Austin take care of our bikes, Casey put a bag of ice on my neck, and it was heavenly. Becca got me the other half of my Jimmy John’s sub, watermelon, cherries, and some ice-cold pickle juice. It was just what I needed.
Our crew informed us that Robby had come in and left already, and he was looking really strong. We then sadly told our crew that Kage had unfortunately fallen too far behind, and she wasn’t going to make it. But we were wrong. With less than 3 minutes before the cut-off, Kage rolled into the Checkpoint. We were freakin’ thrilled! I couldn’t believe it.
With only a month’s-worth of serious training for the DK200, Kage’s main goal was to make it farther than she had ever ridden before, and she had already done that by making it to Checkpoint 2. It would have been sooooo easy for her to miss the cut-off and be “forced” to quit. Kage, however, is a Virtusan, and that just wasn’t an option for her.
We had until 10:30 PM to make it 59 more miles to Council Grove. This gave us a little more than 6 hours from the time we arrived to the checkpoint. We knew from last year, though, that things can go bad quickly, so we all wanted to make this transition a quick one. Once again, though, that didn’t really happen.
I needed a longer break here. It was pretty hot, and I just needed some time off of the bike. My ass was killing me, and I was on the verge of cramping. One benefit of having your wife on your support crew is the lack of awkwardness when you ask for a massage.
The crew was way too good to us, and it was hard to leave this checkpoint. I’ll be honest. I wanted to quit right there. But I knew I couldn’t. I remembered Bob’s words: Imagine how cool this story would NOT be if it ended with… “and then it got really hard so we quit.” So, I just forced myself to leave.
Adam didn’t want his legs to tighten up too much, so he had already left a bit earlier than the rest of us. Kage needed more of a break, and so did Bob. After staying there almost an hour, I just couldn’t wait anymore. Even though it was excruciating to sit on my saddle again, I headed back out with Justin and Travis, hoping to catch Adam and hoping Bob and Kage would catch us. We had about 5 and a half hours to make it to the next Checkpoint.
Leg #3 – Florence to Council Grove – 59 miles
We kept looking for Adam in front of us and Bob and Kage behind us, but it was just the three of us and the gravel roads. And the roads went on and on and on… You could see the road stretching out in front of you for miles, and you could see every climb that was coming up. It did bad things to my head, man. Very bad things. I think that’s why I didn’t take many photos of this leg. All I wanted to do was ride until it got dark. I thought that once it got dark, everything would be okay.
Somewhere in the first 20 – 25 miles of this leg, we lost Justin. I don’t know when or where it happened, but Travis and I looked back and he was just gone. Later we found out that he gashed his tire badly enough that a boot wouldn’t fix it. Unfortunately, his race was done. That’s a shame, because he was riding strong. He looked WAY better than I felt throughout the entire day.
That’s just part of it, though. Sometimes flats gets you, sometimes the heat does. Sometimes it’s cramps, and sometimes it’s a freak storm like last year. These are just a few of the challenges that you face at Dirty Kanza. It could just as easily have been me who had the flat, but it was just bad luck for Justin. I know he could have finished this race.
It was great riding with Justin all day, and he would be missed. Now it was just Travis and me at this point, but not for long. Another 5 – 10 miles down the road, we ran into Adam, Jim Davis, and the Lederhosens, Derrick and Kyle. Kyle was having debilitating back spasms that ended his race. They were calling Emma to come get him, but they were having trouble getting a signal. Eventually, they got in touch with her, and we rode on.
Soon Jim pulled away from us and Derrick and Adam fell behind. Again, I’m not sure when, where, or how we lost Adam, but it happened. Once again, it was just Travis, me, and the open roads as the sun was starting to set.
It was finally starting to cool off, and the sun was getting lower in the sky. I couldn’t wait for darkness. I was tired of seeing the endless roads in front of me. I was on the verge of cramping again, so I hoped the cooler temps would help with that. My ass was absolutely killing me, but there was nothing I could do about that, and the sun going down wasn’t going to help that.
Just as it was getting dark enough to break the headlamp out, I started feeling weird. I just felt really weak. I ate a waffle and drank some water, but I couldn’t shake it. As Travis and I were climbing a hill, I suddenly found myself standing next to my bike in the middle of the road. It wasn’t a conscious decision at all. When I looked up, Travis was gone. I wouldn’t have yelled at him anyway, because I would not have wanted him waiting for me.
I felt like I was going to pass out. I quickly grabbed a King Sized Nut Roll and pounded all 480 calories. I downed an entire bottle of e-Fuel and ate a Honey Stinger Waffle. Then I waited a few minutes. I didn’t sit down for fear of not getting up. I just stood there. Then I miraculously started feeling better, so I slowly walked my bike up the remainder of the hill.
By the time I got to the top of the hill, I was back. Obviously, I didn’t feel fresh since I had already ridden 150-ish miles, but I was back. I don’t know if I was too consumed by trying to block out my ass-pain or by trying not to think about the hills I could see in front of me or what. But clearly, I hadn’t eaten enough. This bummed me out a little, because it was really nice to ride with Travis. This might have been a blessing in disguise, but we’ll get to that later.
I got back on my bike, and rode on alone as it got darker. Although it was kind of cool riding alone, it’s much more enjoyable to ride with friends. After taking a pee-break a little while later, I looked back and saw a light coming up the hill. I jokingly thought, “Man, it would be great if that was someone I know.” I could see that it was indeed a Virtus jersey, but then I realized it was just Adam. I’m kidding of course. I couldn’t have been happier to see that guy, and we rode onward together.
We made it to the checkpoint in Council Grove around 10:00 PM, and I can’t tell you how happy I was. Becca and Michelle were there yelling for us as we got our new maps, and they showed us the way to our pit-stop area around the corner. They seemed surprised to see us. I’m guessing they were pretty worried when they saw Travis roll in without us, and I’m sure he had no idea what had happened to us.
Casey and Austin had already gone on to the finish line so they could be there for Robby Brown who was absolutely killing it out there! Big thanks to those two for being there for Robby and also for letting Becca and Michelle stay behind to see us come in to CP#3. Robby was long gone by the time we got there, but this photo is too funny to leave out of this report:
We sat down and ate some delicious pizza courtesy of Chris and Casey. Huge thanks to those guys. We were once again treated to first-class service. All we had to do was sit, eat, drink and recover. Our crew took care of the rest, and I can’t thank them enough. They seemed as excited as we were at the possibility of finishing the Dirty Kanza.
The only thing bringing me down was the fact that it looked like Bob and Kage were going to miss the cut-off. Even though Bob had made it farther in this race than he ever had before, I knew he was going to be disappointed. But then, we heard someone yell, “There’s Bob!” He had done it. He made it into the Checkpoint with about 15 minutes to spare as we were getting ready to head back out.
We told Bob great job and then left his ass behind as we rode toward the finish line. No, that’s not true, but we did rush him a bit. We still had “only” 37 miles to go, and we had heard that it was “all flat.” We didn’t want to take any chances, though. After coming this far, it would have killed me to miss the 2:30 AM cut-off at the finish line. So Bob got ready in a hurry, and the three of us rolled out on the final leg together.
It turns out that it was much easier to leave this checkpoint than it was to leave the second checkpoint, and this confirms Bob’s theory: “If you can survive until the sun goes down and just make it to Checkpoint 3, you’ve got it made.”
Leg #4 Florence to the Finish Line in Emporia – 37 miles
We were bummed that Kage had probably missed the cut-off, but we knew that she had exceeded her goal. It turns out that she had ridden completely alone for hours, many of those in the dark. She pushed through what were previously her limits, but her race ended with a crash that twisted her knee at mile 160. Again, you should read her report here. Big thanks to Emma for going to pick her up and bringing her back!
I was feeling surprisingly okay. I wasn’t feeling great by any means, and my legs definitely wanted to stop turning the cranks, but I just kept going. There was no other choice. Overall, though, I was feeling better than I expected. Honestly, I kind of expected to have either missed a cut-off or already quit before this point.
My pain in the ass (literally) was my biggest problem. With every little bump in the road, my ass screamed at me, and it was bad enough that I had to stand and pedal, then coast, stand and pedal, then coast, stand and pedal, then coast for a mile at a time every 10 – 15 minutes. It was rough. Focusing on trying to block out the pain and the fact that my camera is terrible in the dark led me to only taking two photos on this last leg.
Whomever told us that the last leg was “all flat” is full of shit. I think I walked 3 of the hills on this leg, and there were a couple of other smaller ones that I wanted to walk.
I don’t remember a lot of the last leg other than loving every minute of it, even the hills. I was riding with two of my closest friends on the final leg of the Dirty Effing Kanza 200. Even though I was in pain, and the hills were crushing me, I was happy. We started the race together, got separated along the way, we all rode solo at some point, and then we all somehow managed to end up riding the last 37 miles together. That’s pretty cool, if you ask me.
We talked about our journeys up to this point in the race, we joked, we fired Adam, and we just had a blast. One thing we did NOT talk about, though, was finishing this race. I kept thinking, “Man, we’re really going to do this! We’re going to finish this damn thing, and we’re going to do it together!” But I didn’t want to say it out loud. I noticed that neither of the other two guys were mentioning the possibility of finishing either. We still had a long way to go, and anything can happen out there. I don’t think we wanted to jinx it. It’s kind of like the unwritten rule where you leave the pitcher alone and give him a wide berth during a no-hitter, and you NEVER talk about it until it actually happens.
Somewhere along the way, I remember looking down and noticing it was 12:02 AM on June 3rd. It was now my Dad’s birthday. I wished him a happy birthday and kept on riding.
I also remember seeing our friend Keith “Smiley” Clark roll up behind us. This guy is amazing. I know he could’ve been several hours ahead of us, but he was just enjoying the ride, talking to different riders, and having fun. It was really great to see him.
Then I remember rolling into the small town of Americus around 1:00 AM. My ass was SOOOOO thankful to be on pavement once again. We naively hoped that it would be pavement the remaining 10 – 12 miles of the race, but deep down we knew that this wasn’t the case.
Then I remember getting within about 5 or 6 miles of the finish line and knowing we were going to finish. We then rolled into Emporia, through the college campus and some side roads, and then we turned onto Commerce St. The finish line was in sight.
Although it would have been cool to finish an hour earlier with Travis, I think nearly passing out allowed me to finish with Adam and Bob, and I wouldn’t change that for the world. We came rolling down Commerce St, three-wide, side by side to the cheers of our crew, our friends, and a few other remaining spectators and race volunteers.
As we crossed the finish line, beer rained down from the Heavens. No, we were not hallucinating. You see, Casey, Austin, and Robby completely douched us with warm Keystone Light as we rolled by them, and it was absolutely the best way to finish this race.
It was a bit surreal. I was completely exhausted yet fully energized and exhilarated at the same time. I was so happy to be off the bike, yet a little sad that it was over.
I was then handed my precious Finisher’s Pint Glass and the DK200 sticker, and I couldn’t wait to have an ice-cold beer poured into it. But wait I did. And then I waited some more… Somehow thinking she had already given me a good beer, my wife had given the last one to Bob. I had a decision to make. Do I taint my hard-earned Finisher’s Glass with Busch Light? Or do I just hold an empty glass? Fortunately, Robby saw what was happening and came to the rescue by filling my glass with good beer. I was happy. Can you tell?
It was all a bit surreal. Everyone from our team and crew was still there at 2:30 in the morning, celebrating with us. Robby had finished hours earlier, but he was still there to see us finish. Kage could have gone back to the hotel to shower and sleep, but instead, she was there to see us finish and celebrate. Our support crew’s job was over, so they could have gone to bed for some much-needed sleep after a LONG day, but they were there to see us finish. Our friends Travis and Keith finished ahead of us, but they, too, were still there to see us finish. To all of you, I say thank you from the bottom of my heart. Hanging out at the finish line with everyone after 20+ hours of racing was the highlight of one of my favorite races of all time.
I honestly would have bet against myself before the race started, and I still can’t really believe that I finished. However, I’ll be the first to admit that the almost-perfect weather played a HUGE role in my success at this race. Regardless, 200 miles of gravel is still 200 miles of gravel. Do you think there will be an asterisk by the record-setting times for the male and female winners? Nope.
The weather is just another piece of the puzzle to finishing this epic race. Sometimes it cooperates, and sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve never complained about or blamed the storm for ending my race last year, and I’ve never heard Bob blame the heat or the weather for his DNF’s from the previous 2 years. We never felt like the weather stole a DK200 finish from us or anything like that. It is what it is. We just weren’t ready to finish the race under those conditions. So I don’t feel bad at all for considering this a monumental success in my racing career… Even with nearly perfect weather.
I’d like to thank our support crew one more time. We couldn’t have done it without you. You guys were simply the best.
Also, big thanks to the race organizers and all of the amazing race volunteers.
Now, I’ll leave you with a few more shots of us after finishing the Dirty Kanza 200. Take a look at all of our faces and you’ll see exhaustion, happiness, pain, joy, camaraderie, fatigue, etc. You might see some dirt and beer on our faces, too, but you know what I mean.
That is all for now. I can’t wait for next year!