Category Archives: Nonsense and Tomfoolery
Just for Fun Friday: The ALPO Acountability Edition
Well, Bob and I talked about keeping this one to ourselves since we probably (definitely) share too much with all of you, but I decided that posting this would be in our best interests. Since Bob is always calling me the team captain, a title I refuse to accept unless it allows me to do something like this, I figured I could make an executive decision.
Now THAT'S a captain we would all follow!
So, here’s the deal…
I’ve gotten a little chubbier over the winter. My training has been going very well, but my nutrition has been hit or miss. I’ll be “good” for a few days, and then I’ll fall off the wagon and eat everything in sight for a few days. Since we’ll be racing the 24-Hour LBL Challenge in just 5 weeks (more on that in an upcoming post), it’s time to get my sh*t together.
I’ve done the “accountability thing” in the past with some success, but I never fully followed through with my plans. And the results definitely didn’t stick. Yes, I’m thinner than I used to be, but I’m not where I need to be. So to get ready for LBL, I emailed Bob on Valentine’s Day (No it wasn’t a Valentine’s e-Card… I sent him a real card). Here’s what I wrote in the email:
“I weighed 218.5 as of this morning. I’ll be 205 or less by LBL or I’ll eat a can of dog food and you can film it for the blog. How’s that for accountability?”
Roughly 30 minutes later, Bob replied with:
“I’d say that’s pretty damn good. As long as we’re on the accountability bandwagon, I’ll promise to eat a can if I’m not 245 before LBL.”
This might be the only gravy in the world Bob and I wouldn't happily devour.
So, now it’s out there on the Interwebz. And no, I didn’t come up with this terrible idea on my own. I got it from one of my favorite Strength Coaches, Dan John, who got it from motivational guru Anthony Robbins, who got it from one of his clients… I strongly suggest you check out the article right here. And since most of you won’t actually read the article, here’s a quote from that article that really resonated with me:
“The problem is simple: Most of us know what to do. Let me say this again: Nearly every reader knows what to do about losing fat and/or gaining muscle. It’s like telling people they need to put on a seatbelt or to stop smoking or to floss daily. I mean, we know that information, but sometimes, well, we just can’t find the floss.”
I know many of you will be rooting for our failure, and honestly, I don’t blame you. I think it would be hilarious to see someone eat a can of dogfood. But hopefully, Bob and I have found our floss. And even more hopefully, you won’t be seeing us eat ALPO anytime soon. Sorry to disappoint you.
***Editor’s Note: My friend and former high school teammate, Chris, used our facebook page to call me out on my back up plan. As a former wrestler, I could easily be down to 205 pounds in just a few hours by cutting weight if I really wanted to. But since that’s not the Virtus Way, I promise to actually lose the weight and not just drop water weight.***
Super Century Update
As the Super Century draws closer and closer (it’s this Sunday!), I’m realizing how awful this idea truly is. When I wrote the first post about the Super Century, I really thought everyone would call us stupid and try to talk us out of it. While we had a handful of people do that, we had way more support than I ever dreamed we would have. Not only did we get support, we actually had a lot of people interested in joining us. I guess misery really does love company, huh?
So far we have several Missourians, Kansans, Illini, Iowans, a Wisconsanite, a Pennsylvannian, and a New Yorker participating in the Super Century by either riding a metric century (62 miles) on a trainer or outside. On top of that, we have a handful of nutjobs brave souls that are doing stupid amazing challenges in lieu of the Super Century… 31 miles on a treadmill (that’s even worse that 62 on a trainer), 150 pullups (a LOT harder than it sounds), and 1,000 (or is it 10,000?) “proper form” air squats (also a LOT harder than it sounds).
Since there are so many states participating, the state with the most participants will win the State Super Century Challenge (SSCC), so be sure you drop us a line to let us know you participated. When this thing goes worldwide, we’ll have to make t-shirts or something and make a trophy for the Super Century World Championship. Until then, though, you’ll have to settle for bragging rights until next year’s challenge.
There’s still time to crap your spleen into your chamois join in on the “fun.” If you’re in MO or crazy enough to make the drive (Kage?), we’ll be getting together in a basement somewhere (Aaron, does your offer still stand?) at 6:00 AM. I’m still trying to hunt down a trainer for Adam, so if you have a spare, let me know.
We’ll be tweeting and facebooking throughout the miserable ride. Make sure you follow us so you can talk us into staying on the trainer when we want to quit, and I know we’re going to want to quit.
The only thing left to do is pick out what we’re going to watch during this ride. Maybe some old “ALF” re-runs? “Driving Miss Daisy” perhaps? It’s always inspiring. I think my number one pick is the under-rated “From Justin to Kelly.” Do you have any suggestions for us?
The Inaugural MLK Ride – And Oh What a Ride (and Party) It Was!
Perhaps the best group ride that has ever taken place since the dawn of time went down this past Saturday. Seriously, it really was the best. If you don’t believe me, it’s because you weren’t there. And it all started on a whim on our team’s facebook page back on December 23rd, 2011:
This small little post got a decent response. It sounded like 4 or 5 people were interested in getting together for a ride on the Berryman Trail. So, I decided to throw up an short “Just for Fun Friday” post here on our blog to make it official by inviting everyone that reads this blog (all three of you) to the ride. That post also got a good response with a couple of “maybes” (Kage and Travis), and some “definitelies” (Kage’s brother, Jim, all the way from Wisconsin and four Hoosier Daddies). We also had a couple of new people commenting on the blog and showing some interest in the ride. Then Jim Davis posted our ride on the GORC forums. This drummed up even more interest with at least two more confirmed riders. (Thanks, Jim!)
At this point, this was quickly turning into the largest group mountain bike ride I’ve ever been on.
As the 14th of January drew nearer, I wrote another blog post with more details about the when and where for the ride. In the comments to that blog post, we had more riders interested, and we received a great lesson on why you should NEVER use UrbanDictionary.com to check your spelling (although, I don’t think anyone other than Casey needed that lesson).
And then the Hoosier Daddies made the ride even more irresistible with a blog post promising brats, burgers and beer. So between our blog posts, our facebook page, the GORC forum, the Hoosier Daddies, and any other site that posted a link to this ride, it had snowballed to around 30 riders that might show up. I was blown away.
So, on Friday the 13th, Bob and I headed to my sweet, little Grandma’s house in Cuba where we were meeting Kage and Jim. Now, my Grandma will be 90 years old on February 9th. She is blind in one eye. She is missing part of her femur and literally has no hip on one side. Despite all that, she still lives alone, and she still made us a feast of Teriyaki roast, rotisserie chicken, green beans, corn, salad, mashed potatoes, gravy, fresh cantaloupe, strawberries (lots of strawberries actually), sheet cake (delicious), and of course her famous chocolate chip cookies:
Granny Great... Enough Said.
The next morning, Bob and I awoke before 5:00 AM to sign up for the Dirty Kanza, and then we went back to bed. It wasn’t long, though, before the tantalizing smell of bacon filled the room. We all woke up to another feast of scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuits and gravy, cantaloupe, grapes, toast, and of course more sheet cake and cookies. And my grandma actually apologized for not making the biscuits from scratch! Can you believe that?!? She lets me bring 3 of my friends to stay at her house, and she has the nerve to use Pillsbury Biscuits instead of making them from scratch?!?!? I apologize to Kate, Jim, and Bob for such inhospitable accommodations. But seriously, my grandma is an amazing woman, and I can’t thank her enough.
With the snow we had recently received and the temperature in the low 20′s when we set out for Berryman, I was really expecting a much smaller turn out than we previously anticipated. I figured we had 10 people between our group and the Hoosier Daddies, and I thought a few more might still show up. If there were 15 riders, I’d still be ecstatic. When we pulled into the parking lot, however, it was clear that people were needing a group ride as badly as I was.
The parking lot was packed, and although I didn’t take an official headcount, I counted 25 riders altogether. I couldn’t believe it! There were many friends that I had already met, and there were even more people that I had never met. If I never got a chance to actually introduce myself and say hello, I apologize.
I tried to get Bob to lead us in the Pledge of Allegiance or our National Anthem, but he chickened out. He’s soooo worried about what people might think of him, because you know, “Image is everything” with us Virtusans. We quickly geared up and got our bikes ready. The Hoosier Daddies handed out maps to anyone that needed one (including me since I forgot to bring one), and more importantly they handed out some travel-size Blackberry Whiskey, courtesy of Bourbon Family Center. Big thanks for the whiskey!
Justin made everyone VERY happy. Just look at Phil's face in the background.
After stocking up with maps and whiskey, we headed into the woods on the Berryman Trail. The faster riders naturally headed out first, and the slower riders (me) stayed to the back of the pack. The trails were snow-covered at the start of the ride, but as the day wore on, only the trails that hadn’t seen much sun stayed covered with snow and ice. The trails were surprisingly ride-able, though. My small back-of-the-pack group consisted of Kage, Jim, Travis, Aaron, Bob, and me. I knew I’d be too slow for Aaron, so I let him around me when I stopped to take some photos.
Bob and Travis riding a switchback which was a lot tighter than this photo makes it look.
Jim and Kage (aka - Denny)
Bob riding by some cool icicles. (I had to look up how to spell "icicles" and I did NOT use UrbanDicitonary.com)
The first 5 or 6 miles of the Berryman Trail heading clockwise from the Berryman Campground has had a lot of work done to it. I’m not sure if it was the Ozark Trail Association or GORC or both, but I’d like to say a big “Thank You!” to anyone that has worked on this trail. It was a lot more fun and a lot more ride-able than it used to be. The creek crossings were so smooth. Take a look:
Bob didn't need his full suspension bike for this section.
It wasn’t long before we needed to stop to shed some layers. Even though it was only 25 degrees or so, the sun was out, and we were staying warm. The only time I ever felt cold was when we stopped on top of a ridge in the wind (not very smart). We leap-frogged two of the newest Hoosier Daddies, Jake and Ryan. It was amazing that Ryan was actually present for this ride. Since it was cold and snowy, everyone thought he’d have to stay home because one of his kids might be “sick.”
Jake and Ryan enjoying a nice whiskey break.
I can’t tell you how much fun I was having. I love the Berryman Trail, and I love riding in the snow. So this was simply the best. We were taking our time, stopping for snack/whiskey breaks, photo opportunities, and to try to ride stuff that we didn’t think we could ride. To see some photos and videos of us you should check out Kage’s write-up (just let me make it clear that photos and video NEVER do justice to how cool or gnarly the trail is).
Travis needed to leave a little early, and Bob wasn’t really feeling it on a rigid singlespeed. In addition to that, free beer and BBQ was waiting for them back at the campground. They decided to kick out on a gravel road at around mile 8 or 9 to take the pavement back to the campground at mile 15. We made sure they had a map, and we made sure they really knew where they were going so they didn’t have a repeat performance of their last Berryman Ride.
Do NOT go to the Four Points this time!!! (Photo Credit: Kate "Taller than Me" Geisen)
Kage, Jim, and I decided to push on to Brazil Creek Campground. Since Jim had driven a wee bit farther than everyone else, and Kage had driven quite a ways as well, we wanted to get as much riding in as possible. The next two miles were mostly flat with some downhills, and we had a blast. After that, though, we hit some stretches that were destroyed by horses:
This stretch obviously needs some work. I hope to make it to the next work day out there.
Some of the climbs had us off our bikes and walking, but there ain’t no shame in that. There were some fun downhills too. We even came across some sign that other riders had indeed made it this far.
Josh from Team Wahoo made his mark.
Right before we hit the Brazil Creek Campground, there was a really fun stretch of trail that skirted along the side of the hills with nice, flowy ups and downs. Kage was in the lead, followed by Jim and then me. She flat-out rocked this section. I can’t even tell you the transformation I’ve seen in her. She hasn’t even been riding a mountain bike for a year yet, so I was very impressed. We flew through this section, and it was one of the best parts of the ride for me.
Once we got to the bottom, we crossed a creek without getting our feet wet.
The rocks across the creek allowed us to keep our feet dry.
We then took a snack break to keep Betty White at bay. We checked the map to make sure we could get back to the campground, and we set out on the pavement with hopes of burgers, brats, and beer awaiting our arrival. Unfortunately, the climb out of Brazil Creek Campground is brutally long and steep with a few false summits where you think you’re done, only to realize that the hill in fact keeps going on and on and on. To make things worse, Jim’s gears kept jumping around and locking up which made it even more difficult for him. But we forged on with our minds on the post-ride festivities.
This photo only sort of shows how long and steep the hill was.
As we finally reached the Berryman Campground, we could smell the food and hear the laughter coming from the pavilion. We had finally made it after 6 hours. I could not wait to get into dry clothes, drink an ice-cold beer, and eat a freshly grilled brat. Kate had other plans, though. Being a true blogger, she needed a photo by the Berryman sign. We quickly took a couple of photos and then made our way to our vehicles.
'Twas a great ride, but we were glad to be done.
We got to our vehicles and began changing into nice, dry clothes. As we were trying not to freeze while changing clothes, a Hoosier Daddy (I think it was Ryan, but I’m not sure) actually brought each of us a cup full of Blue Moon beer with a freshly squeezed orange slice. Now that’s service!
Then I met my new best friend, Bruce. He had ridden his bike a few miles with his daughter and son-in-law (neither of them had ever ridden any single track before, by the way), and he then turned around to man the grill for the rest of the day. And man the grill he did!
Hoosier grill daddy? Bruce, that's who!
He promptly had me fed with an amazingly delicious cheeseburger (and two brats… and another cheeseburger). I can’t even describe how tasty the grub was. And I can’t thank the Hoosier Daddies enough for providing the food, beer, grill, and and grill master. These guys made this event a party, and there was definitely a party atmosphere when we arrived at the pavilion. Here are a few shots from the par-tay:
I believe the gentleman in the red jacket above was actually supposed to be meeting a few of his friends at Berryman that day. However, they stood him up. So he did what any true mountain biker would do. He rode with us and stuck around for some free food and beer. I never actually caught his name, and I feel bad about that. But I’m glad he was able to ride with us and hang out afterwards.
Left to Right: Aaron, Phil, and a "Wicked fast dude" whose name I didn't catch.
The fire was fantastic. The smoke was not.
This is the only kind of horse I like to see at the Berryman Trail... A Pony Keg.
Unfortunately, some people had to leave before I thought about getting a group shot.
Todd and Justin from the Hoosier Daddies.
L to R: Phil, Bob, Jim "EBW" Bacon, Wicked Fast Guy, and Dave. They were all laughing at - er... I mean with Bob.
Just when I thought the post-ride party couldn’t get any better, Justin and Bruce came up with the best thing ever. Justin dropped one of Kage’s delicious homemade cookies onto the grill. Before he could grab it, Bruce said, “Wait! Give it a minute.” After a couple of tries, they determined that two minutes on the grill led to a perfectly warm, chewy, and moist cookie. I have to say they were right. I think this is by far the most important accidental discovery since Penicillin.
Grilled cookies were amazing! If you missed it, I'm so sorry.
As the fire died down and people started leaving, the conversation took on a much more serious tone. We bantered back and forth about Mike Tyson’s Punch Out, how the Spread Gun on Super Contra was waaaaaay better than the stupid Lazer, the proper way to shoot a deer, Martin Luther King on a mountain bike, and certain topics of which we will never speak again.
We also decided that the MLK ride has become a tradition. We know there has only been one MLK ride, but if you were there, then you’d understand how it has already become a tradition. If you weren’t there for the MLK Ride, I’m really sorry. Just make sure you’re there next year for MLK 2. It will be bigger and better, I promise. And if you were there, thank you for showing up!
The only thing that leaves me feeling badly about the ride is people thanking Bob and me. We really didn’t do anything. All we did was suggest a group ride. The Hoosier Daddies are the ones that made the MLK Ride what it was. They are the ones that need to be thanked. They are the party gurus. Not only are they gurus, but I now consider them all friends. Their philosophy when it comes to racing and training is right in line with ours: It’s all about the experience. I can’t wait to ride with or race against you guys again. Seriously… Thank you. You made the ride an amazing event that I truly look forward to next year.
Just for Fun Friday – One Flag to Rule Them All Edition
Well, we decided to do a Team Virtus Fantasy Football League in an effort to build team camaraderie, because, you know, we really don’t like each other very much.
We didn’t have quite enough for a 10-team league, so we agreed to let the future Mrs. Jenkins (Cara) and the future Mrs. Laffoon (Michelle) into the league.
Cara proved to be no serious threat since she completely neglected her team, and she never, literally never, set her lineup. In her defense, though, Bob only set his lineup once.
Michelle, however has made the playoffs, and Adam did not. Therefore, he is obviously fired from the team.
The Lambs have dominated the regular season, and they round out the other three spots in the playoffs. I will play Casey this week, and Darin (he’s my cousin, so he is half Lamb) will play Michelle.
Other than pride, fame, and glory, we’ll be playing for this bad boy:
Rusty just missed the playoffs with a record of 8-6. Adam managed to squeak out a 500 record at 7-7. Then we had Robby at 6-8, Bob at 5-8, Drew at 3-11, and Cara at a lowly 1-13.
It’s been a lot of fun, and I apologize to Casey in advance for crushing him this weekend. I can’t wait to display my new Champion’s Flag. I will be bringing it with me to every adventure race in the future. And yes, I will be signing autographs.
Forgotten Trails
Hopefully by now, you know we’re putting together the most badass Monstercross ride/race of all time. This sort of thing takes a lot of time to coordinate, and a whole lot more elbow grease to make sure the course is ready on raceday. In addition to gravel roads and National Forest land, The Cedar Cross will traverse several miles of what I have come to call “forgotten” singletrack. This trail system, for whatever reason, seems to have been completely forgotten, which is both sad and exciting. Sad because so few people know these trails exist, and exciting because SO FEW PEOPLE know these trails exist!!
Today, Pepper and I set out to clear one small section of the race course. Here’s what went down.
On South Mill site road, there’s a trailhead just to the side of the road right before it becomes someone’s driveway. I suspect this piece of trail is forgotten because it’s fairly remote and just a bit hidden. This photo was taken while standing on the trail looking out at the road.
Trailhead, my ass. Keep a watchful eye for the grey diamond on the tree.
From here, it’s a short downhill to yet another hidden trailhead. I’m not kidding, it took me 30 minutes to find it the first time I was out here. The trail goes almost straight down into a semi-dry creekbed.
Where I'm standing, it's dry.
This is where the work started. Can you find the trail in this picture?
It's frickin' shameful, isn't it?
A bit of heavy lifting and one broken rake later:
- Pepper is such a camera whore
This is what I came up with for the water crossing. The water should pass under these rocks and roll off the trail. I’m still a beginner at this type of thing, so if anyone has a few pointers, I’m ready to learn a better way.
All flat-rock, water would be coming right-to-left
I bet it took over an hour to clear a piece of trail that people will ride in about 30 seconds, but it’ll be worth it on raceday.
After clearing “Pepper Hill”, I turned my attention Northward. Check out this Before/After shot:
The dog doesn't even know where the trail is..
***Leaf-blowing sounds***
Well how about that 
Obviously there’s still a lot of work to be done, but this course is going to be worth it. There will be no admission fees, but there WILL be prizes for top finishers, manned SAG stops, bbq at the finish and a special SHAT trophy for the one racer who truly earns it. I’m still trying to nail down the race-date, but it I’m hoping to make it happen on March 25th
This race will be awesome.
Two tired, hairy animals.
