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Prelude Deuce Report

3 years ago I “competed” in the first annual CXMAS non-race put on by our friends at Team Seagal. It was 8 degrees below zero with the windchill and when my sweat got into the fabric of my jacket, it actually froze. It was certainly an epic ride, and one I’ll likely never forget. All non-racers were rewarded for their efforts with one of these:

Behold!!

That, my friends is a spoke-card. I like to think of it as a cool scar; something that shows where my bike and I have been and what we’ve done. I look at that photo and I’m able to recount the day’s events: the bitter cold, the bomber downhills, and trying to draft Pete Goode for 10 miles down the Katy Trail. Mostly, I remember being impressed at how the members of Team Seagal functioned as a unit to make the event so seamless.

The Godfathers of non-racing. Matching jackets and everything!!!

A spoke card wasn’t all I got that day. I left with a free PBR hat, PBR t-shirt and 12 pack of beer. Needless to say, I was a happy camper. There were something like 25 riders that year. Sadly, I took no photos.

 In 2009, the race was anything but underground. Over 140 people showed up, donated money to GORC and had a great ride. Luke’s wife had a kidney stone, so he stayed home.

CXMAS is a festive painfest. Whiskey, cupcakes and bacon abound. I remember being offered various brands of delicious whiskey and enjoying them all…before the race even started. I don’t remember ever crashing, but I do remember being drunk, lost, and having nothing to drink other than a camelbak full of bourbon and Pepsi.  You might say I got a little bit dehydrated.

At long last, I came to the manned checkpoint where each rider had to drink at least one cup of eggnog. My good friends, Sir Mason Storm and “Lawman” Jim Davis were manning the cups, so I was obliged to hang out for a bit. They told me Nick Smith had the current nogg record at 5 cups. Well, I just couldn’t let that happen. I drank five and felt good, five more and I was feeling full. After 12, I knew i was eventually going to puke so I went for broke. After 15 cups of disgusting egg nog, I called it done, joined a group of riders and pedaled a few miles to the finish. Along the way…there was epic vomiting.

Mr Storm was raining eggnog. (See what I did there?)

When I crossed the finish line I was awarded with a pair of speakers for my efforts. I didn’t know it was a legit contest with prizes so I was thrilled, especially considering I was one of the last riders to clear the course.

Pictured here w/ Mike Bobelak who donated the speakers, Wendy on the left

Needless to say, CXMAS is a non-race I look forward to every year. The routes are always well planned, fun and challenging. The event is FREE, the schwag’s  endless and the beer is free. Sadly, Adam Hempelmann crushed my nogg record in 2010. Personally, I think it’s bullshit that any man with huge pectoral muscles and 6-pack abs is able to consume that much nogg in one sitting. He probably has an enormous penis too, the bastard.  I’ll get you in 2011, Hempelmann.

 A Team Seagal non-race is a lot like a family reunion, minus the fried chicken and awkward forgetting of names. You always leave with more friends than you came with, and there’s always a story to tell….a badass story about bourbon, bacon and the geysers of egg-nog I saw shooting out of Luke’s face last year. You should have seen it.

So why am I telling you this? Two reasons, actually:

1. So you will be at CXMAS next year.

2. To give credit where credit is due

Team Seagal brought non-racing to Missouri. We’re just trying to help carry the torch and spread the love. And now that your history lesson is over we can finally talk about “The Deuce”…..tomorrow.

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Join Us for the Team Virtus New Year’s Adventure Non-Race

Okay, we’ve kept it a secret for long enough, and now it’s time to spill the beans. The masterminds behind Team Virtus are putting together a mock-adventure race on Jan 1st, 2010. If you’re reading this, then you’re invited. HOWEVER… we make no guarantees.  This race could be the worst thing ever created since this was invented (actually… I might order one of those).

Team Virtus First Annual Adventure Non-Race

We’ve never attempted something like this before, and we clearly don’t know what the hell we’re doing.  This might be a total waste of your time.  It might be too easy or too hard.  It might be boring.  It might be stupid.  It might not be worth the effort.

On the other hand… It could be an absolute blast!!!

Either way, if you want to come then you need to let us know immediately.  We need to know how many people to expect so we can get enough maps printed. You also need to make arrangements for your own canoe/kayak.  If you REALLY want to come and can’t beg/borrow/or steal one, then we might be able to rent an extra one for you.  But you have to let us know – like yesterday.

And if you’re a beginner, that’s cool.  I’d be happy to help you out or even do the course with you to get your feet wet. Since I set up most of the course (don’t yell at me if it sucks!), I’m not really going to do the race for time anyway.

The tentative start time is 9:00 AM on Friday, Jan 1st at or near McCubbins Point, near Osage Beach. You should plan on being there by 8:00 AM, though, so you can plot your points (again if you’re new to this, we can help you) and make sure you’re ready to go.

There are roughly 14 checkpoints to hit, and you can plan on roughly 2-4 miles of paddling, 4-8 miles of trekking, and 12-18 miles of mt. biking.  How long should it take you?  I have no idea.  I’m guessing anywhere from 4 – 7 hours. This is an unsupported, unsanctioned, uninsured event.  So participate at your own risk.

Right now, confirmed participants are Bob Jenkins, Casey Lamb, Zack Lamb, Darin Layman (our newest teammate), and myself.  If you want to take part in the shenanigans, then you need to post in the comments section and we can figure it out.

And once again, beginners are not only welcome, they are encouraged to come along.  It’ll be a great way to get a taste of adventure racing for a small fee – and by a small fee I mean absolutely FREE (unless you need to rent a canoe).

So, who’s got enough strength, power through courage, and bravery (that’s what Virtus means by the way) to join us?

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