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Prelude Deuce Report

3 years ago I “competed” in the first annual CXMAS non-race put on by our friends at Team Seagal. It was 8 degrees below zero with the windchill and when my sweat got into the fabric of my jacket, it actually froze. It was certainly an epic ride, and one I’ll likely never forget. All non-racers were rewarded for their efforts with one of these:

Behold!!

That, my friends is a spoke-card. I like to think of it as a cool scar; something that shows where my bike and I have been and what we’ve done. I look at that photo and I’m able to recount the day’s events: the bitter cold, the bomber downhills, and trying to draft Pete Goode for 10 miles down the Katy Trail. Mostly, I remember being impressed at how the members of Team Seagal functioned as a unit to make the event so seamless.

The Godfathers of non-racing. Matching jackets and everything!!!

A spoke card wasn’t all I got that day. I left with a free PBR hat, PBR t-shirt and 12 pack of beer. Needless to say, I was a happy camper. There were something like 25 riders that year. Sadly, I took no photos.

 In 2009, the race was anything but underground. Over 140 people showed up, donated money to GORC and had a great ride. Luke’s wife had a kidney stone, so he stayed home.

CXMAS is a festive painfest. Whiskey, cupcakes and bacon abound. I remember being offered various brands of delicious whiskey and enjoying them all…before the race even started. I don’t remember ever crashing, but I do remember being drunk, lost, and having nothing to drink other than a camelbak full of bourbon and Pepsi.  You might say I got a little bit dehydrated.

At long last, I came to the manned checkpoint where each rider had to drink at least one cup of eggnog. My good friends, Sir Mason Storm and “Lawman” Jim Davis were manning the cups, so I was obliged to hang out for a bit. They told me Nick Smith had the current nogg record at 5 cups. Well, I just couldn’t let that happen. I drank five and felt good, five more and I was feeling full. After 12, I knew i was eventually going to puke so I went for broke. After 15 cups of disgusting egg nog, I called it done, joined a group of riders and pedaled a few miles to the finish. Along the way…there was epic vomiting.

Mr Storm was raining eggnog. (See what I did there?)

When I crossed the finish line I was awarded with a pair of speakers for my efforts. I didn’t know it was a legit contest with prizes so I was thrilled, especially considering I was one of the last riders to clear the course.

Pictured here w/ Mike Bobelak who donated the speakers, Wendy on the left

Needless to say, CXMAS is a non-race I look forward to every year. The routes are always well planned, fun and challenging. The event is FREE, the schwag’s  endless and the beer is free. Sadly, Adam Hempelmann crushed my nogg record in 2010. Personally, I think it’s bullshit that any man with huge pectoral muscles and 6-pack abs is able to consume that much nogg in one sitting. He probably has an enormous penis too, the bastard.  I’ll get you in 2011, Hempelmann.

 A Team Seagal non-race is a lot like a family reunion, minus the fried chicken and awkward forgetting of names. You always leave with more friends than you came with, and there’s always a story to tell….a badass story about bourbon, bacon and the geysers of egg-nog I saw shooting out of Luke’s face last year. You should have seen it.

So why am I telling you this? Two reasons, actually:

1. So you will be at CXMAS next year.

2. To give credit where credit is due

Team Seagal brought non-racing to Missouri. We’re just trying to help carry the torch and spread the love. And now that your history lesson is over we can finally talk about “The Deuce”…..tomorrow.

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About Bob Jenkins

Crusher of beers.

Posted on May 14, 2011, in Non-Races, Team Seagal is awesome and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. This is an epic tease. That’s all I have to say. (for once)

    • I’m glad you think so 🙂

      I’ll post the full report tomorrow, I just finished it about 20 minutes ago. That was quick, huh?

  2. So when is the next non-adventure race?

  3. I assume you mean adventure non-race, The Deuce was anything but a non-adventure:) Hey, shouldn’t you be at Syllamo?

    The next full-on AR won’t be for a while. They take a LOT of planning, and we don’t want to get in the habit of doing an event half-assed.

    We’ve been kicking around the idea of organizing a trail run or MTB race. I think it’d be cool to have an endurance race out a Binder from 10p-8a or something like that.

    My theory is that we can get more people to show up for an event being held on a marked course. I think several people didn’t come to this non-race because they don’t know how to navigate.

    Any input from you or anyone else would be great.

  4. Oh crap, was Syllamo this weekend? Good thing I didn’t register for it. It looks like you’re going to lose that $20 bet to Luke. Berry is the only 1 from TRW doing the 125K. If he finishes he wins. Turbo and Corey are signed up for the 50 miler.

    I didn’t do the adventure race because I won’t start running again until after Dirty Kanza, but I think an off-road duathlon “non-race” at Binder would be cool.

  5. I guess you’re right. I never was very good at winning bets.

    Thanks for the input on the off-road duathlon. I think if we do a good enough job promoting it, we could draw a lot of interest.

    • My eggnog puke was epic indeed. It was amazing how 8 cups of eggnog literally multiplied in my stomach and came out as a gallon or more – literally.

      Stoney, Bob and I were kicking around an Off-road Duathlon at Binder. I think it could be a lot of fun and much easier to organize than an ANR (adventure non-race).

      And yes, I wrote “literally” twice. Well, now I’ve written it thrice.

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