O Captain, where art thou?

This week’s Virtuesday ride was one for the ages, but Luke will never know why… because he wasn’t there. Technically he’ll know since I’m posting about it, but I’m really trying to lay on the guilt here, so work with me.

Things started out innocently enough. Robby was kind enough to bring his extra cross bike so Rusty woud have something a little more gravel-suited than his regular steed. And believe it or not,  Adam loaned him a pair of bike shoes. Now, don’t let yourself get to thinking Adam is any less of an asshole, because I also brought Rusty a pair of shoes. Clearly, Adam loaned his shoes out first to make himself look like a better friend than me. What a dick.

Rusty gets a feel for the cross bike while Adam's inferior bike shoes lay in my driveway.

Robby informd me that Luke would not be joining us this evening, and panic washed over me. We were going to be riding off into the great unknown without our leader, and that was some scary shit. What if someone bonked or didn’t have an extra tube or something? Luke always saves our ass when things go bad. This was adulthood at its most terrifying. All we could do was hope for the best.

Clearly terrified

 Tonight’s ride saw us riding in 60 degree-ish temps on dry gravel and zero wind. Everyone was in good spirits, so the ride  got off to a fairly brisk start. There were very few cars, no dogs and it looked like the ride just might be a success. Then it happened.. we stopped to take a leak and noone said, “Quit playin’ with your  dinghy.” Luke always says that. It felt really weird to urinate in total silence, especially with the horses staring at us…..judging.


The pace was good, and Rusty seemed to be doing really well on the Singlecross. Robby and I were both feeling great, so we made sport of racing one another up nearly every climb. It was a bit exhausting, but it felt good to sprint it out. We made it to the National Forest trailhead in what felt like record time, and next thing you know we’re dodging cow patties and living the good life. Maybe we could survive without our leader after all?

Right about that time, Rusty says he needs to get off the bike and take a leak. No big deal, right? Wrong. Next thing you know, we see this:

A bit of Taco Bell finds its way into the National Forest

Between heaves, all he would say was, “This wouldn’t have happened if Luke was here.” Poor guy. (I bet Luke feels terrible.) We  took some time to regroup and get Rusty’s stomach back in order before continuing the ride. We could only assume it’s what Luke would have done. When we were ready to go, we got a bit of proof that Rusty felt better.

Photo does no justice to vomit pile

After that it was all smooth sailing. The moon was so bright we didnt even use our headlamps on the way home. This was truly a kickass ride.


The last leg of the ride was over before it started. As we found ourselves at the final climb, Robby and I engaged in what I like to call a silent race. We started out riding side-by-side, then started pushing the pace.. bit by bit. No words were spoken, but we both knew what was about to happen. Next thing you know, we’re both foaming at the mouth riding as hard as we can until the other guy taps out. A toothy grin was across my face the whole time. I hadn’t cranked it out like that in a long time, and it felt really good.

The incomparable Robby Brown (pre-sprint)


A ride like this had to be capped off with some sort of fine beverage, so we made way to Casey’s.

This beer sucks, but its only 55 calories

And there you have it. Another Virtuesday ride is in the books and we all made it home alive. Hopefully you and Luke can make it to the next one:)

About Bob Jenkins

Crusher of beers.

Posted on October 5, 2011, in Luke didn't get to go, Rusty barfed, Training. Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. Congratulations to Adam on not getting fired from the team, even though a) you bailed on the ride and b) you tried to one-up Bob in the shoe-lending dept. Wait…if they aren’t firing you from the team does that mean you’re no longer ON the team? Uh oh…

  2. First of all, I am NOT the captain! I nominate Adam for team captain… Oh wait… we’d have to let him back on the team first.

    Secondly, I loved this blog post. It looks like it was a great ride, and I’m sorry I missed it. It was just one of those nights when the last thing I wanted to do was get on my bike. I’m not sure what was wrong with me, but it just wasn’t going to happen. Has anyone else had one of those nights?

    Thirdly, I LOVE my team. You guys gave me some shit about not going, but it was all good-hearted shit that made me laugh. It was never malicious, and you never truly made me feel guilty for bailing on you guys.

    And lastly, you’re right. There is no way I would have let Rusty puke if I would have been there.

    Nice work on what I can only imagine was a fantastic ride!

  3. Hey Virtusians,
    Sounds like a great ride. I’d love to come out and tag along on one of these if you’re open to it. I’d like to find a group of like minded individuals to exercise some tom foolery with. Most of my rides are solo night rides and are getting to boring, plus my wife is convinced I’m going to get kidnapped and raped or ride off a cliff if I’m all alone. I’m a bit portly from sitting in a cubicle all day, but I’m an expert at suffering. It’s also good to see that I may not be the only one vomiting. I’ll keep an eye out here for the next ride.

    • Hey Jim,

      Thanks for commenting! We’d love it if you joined us on any of our rides. That’s why we post them on our blog and facebook page, so people can join us if they want to. We can’t guarantee you safety from rapists or kidnappers, but we’ll do our best. And you don’t have to worry about any “portly” issues. We almost named our team “Team Portly”, but then we went and let some skinny dudes on the team so that name didn’t work out. We’re just out there having fun and trying to get better. So come on out and join us next time! (and I promise I’ll be there next time too).

  4. I look like I am about to cry! “WHERE IS LUKE???!!!!!”

    Sprinting felt great. Bob ghost attacked me and then spied on me while I caught up. Then he exploded ahead while I cried out in agony. It felt great to ride. I think Rusty wants the SS!

  5. That was a great time, well most of it anyway. I did like the SS, even though it whipped my butt a little… well a lot. That’s a nice bike; thanks for letting me ride it. And thanks to Adam for the shoes. I need to put my old spd’s back on and get some shoes. I am open to donations in the shoe dept, either new or previously loved. Size 11-12 please!

  6. Rusty, I’m glad the shoes worked out for you. At least someone is getting some use out of them since my riding time is limited more than ever, now that I work part time a few nights a week.

    Kate, as far as I know I’m still on the team. I still have a jersey anyway. I don’t think they would ever actually kick me off because that would mean one of them would have to be low man and by looking at the post times on FB, Bob was for about 9 hours and I don’t think that went over very well.

    Luke, lets be honest here. You saying your not the captain is like saying I am going to go a week without being fired from the team. They’re both ludicrous statements. You might as well come to terms with it…I have.

    • Wouldn’t being captain of this team sort of be like being the coolest nerd in high school? If that’s the case, then I nominate Drew as our captain. He’s the coolest nerd I know.

  7. Yeah, that was harsh. Step out of line and Capt Dragon will cut you…or at least demote you.

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