The Tour De Donut is this Weekend

*Photo taken from race website

For those who don’t remember, Team Virtus put on a disappointing performance at last year’s Tour de Donut. Between Luke, Adam and Rusty only 22 donuts were consumed. Though I was unable to attend, I’ve heard varying tales of dauntingly thick, cake-style donuts and how hard it was to stay hydrated and still eat them. Still, one has to wonder what the hell happened out there…

Oh, what could have been.

Things must be set right beteween the Tour de Donut and Team Virtus. The world demands donut domination, and that responsibility appears to have fallen squarely on the shoulders of Kate and I. The other guys are too ashamed of themselves to try again, and that’s totally understandable. Excuses abound; Adam even went so far as to make up a story about “job-shadowing” at Pauline Potter’s gyno clinic:

“Sure is dark in here..”

At any rate, I’m throwing the gauntlet down right now and pledging to the world that NOT ONLY will I consume more donuts this year than each of them did last year, no, that wouldn’t be enough. I will eat more than they did combined.  I’m gonna go the distance… to redeem what has been lost.

23 donuts or death!! See you there.

Kate: Lucky for Bob, I wasn’t a member of Team Virtus at last year’s Tour de Donut, or he’d be stuck eating an additional 9 donuts (one more than Adam choked down, for those who are keeping track).  After 2010’s second place donut-adjusted AG victory, I had high hopes for 2011.  Unfortunately, I fell flat, placing 6th in my AG and spending the next month or so working off those donut calories.  This year, I’m still deciding on my strategy, but leaning towards a very un-Virtuslike donut avoidance.  After all, I’d kind of like to finally check out the RibFest after the race…without having to throw up first.

About Bob Jenkins

Crusher of beers.

Posted on July 12, 2012, in Adam gets fired from the team, Redemption for Adam's failures and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 43 Comments.

  1. Maybe next year I can compete in this. Have fun and good luck choking down 23!

  2. TriMOEngr (Christina)

    Ouch on the 23 donuts. Best wishes though! Can’t wait to read the race report.

  3. I predict that Bob will in fact eat 23 donuts…The real question is how many donuts Bob will keep down. The over under is 8. Are you over or under?

  4. You can do it!!!

    • Hilarious! Ever since watching Waterboy every time I think “you can DO it” I think it in Rob Schnieder’s voice.

      • Kate – Make sure you get plenty pictures of Bob’s attempt. I hope you catch still shots as well as some video.

        I think Bob needs to set the bar higher. 23 would put him only in 9th place last year. The winner put down 40. I mean really what is 17 donuts? Not that much, it’s barely over a dozen. I say once you hit 23, 40 isn’t too far away. Kind of like the last leg of the Kanza…it seemed like a long ride but not after what you had accomplished. I guess the Kanza was good training for this ride after all.

        Bob, you’re already the king of eggnog and should claim your crown and assume the thrown as King Donut. you need to beat last years record. I agree with Stoney, “You can do it!!!” Make a statement -go for 41? (Plus that takes 3 hours and 25 minutes off your ride time.)

        Is there a rule against puking on the bike after leaving the donut stop (seriously)? If not, I would gorge myself and make myself puke a mile down the road. You’ll ride better and have more room for donuts at the next donut stop. I wish I could make it. I wish I were invited. Maybe next year…

        • Casey, I’m not sure I’m stopping at the donut stops…I have my own goals for this race. 🙂 Also, the 40-donut guy last year is a professional food challenge person. I can’t imagine how he ate that many, pretty sure he shredded the previous record.

          Next year maybe you’ll have a trip home that coincides with this one, but hopefully you’d have other team or family stuff bc that’s a long trip for a 30ish mile race.

          • The guy might be a professional eater but Bob is an elite amatuer ready to turn pro. The guy ate 40 but the next place winners were –> 39, 38, 36. The MLE (Major League Eating) record is 48 donuts in 8 minutes. The good news is that there is no time limit, right?


            I glad you have your own agenda and I am sure you will crush this race. I have a friend out hear that I about have convinced to do the DK next year and she is a bad ass rider. She does all kinds of triathlons and mountain bike races. I am trying to get her and her husband to do an adventure race with me sometime.

            • The guy that ate 40 donuts still didn’t win the race b/c he wasn’t as fast on the bike. And even though puking may or may not be allowed since there is really no way to regulate it, I would consider it cheating. I think it goes against the spirit of the race. I “only” ate 12 last year b/c I would have barfed with one more bite of donut.

  5. If the donuts are the same as last year (Kage will have to confirm this), then I will be thoroughly impressed if Bob eats 23. So much so, that I’m willing to make a little wager.

    If Bob eats 23 or more donuts, then I will complete one leg of the Thunder Rolls in nothing but a speedo (and my pack of course). If Bob is a man, he will agree to do the same if he DOESN’T eat at least 23 donuts.

    There are some guidelines, though:
    1. No Puking.
    2. Your Donut-Adjusted-Time (DAT) has to be equal to or less than your overall time. This means you cannot just sit there for two hours eating more donuts. You have to maintain an average pace of 5 min per donut or less.
    3. I want some video footage. This is will have no bearing on the bet, but I think it would make for some good viewing.

    Bob, is it a bet?

    • I should also clarify that I’ll wear shoes as well.

      • Bob–> Luke just threw down the gauntlet. The question is…are you man enough to accept? He called you out in public, you almost have to. You have to eat 23 now.

        I think if Luke was more of a man he would either complete one leg nude or with nothing on but shoes, pack, bike helmet, and 3 socks. You could do the night leg, away from anybody or paddling leg butt ass naked so nobody but your teammates would be offended. Hell, one of you usually gets naked or at least drops you pants during the race at some point any way. I am sure Bob will up the ante and call for a 3-sock or all nude leg…


      • And hopefully gaiters or something if we’re on a trek leg.

  6. It’s on. Winner picks the speedo.

    • No matter who wins, I lose. Haha. But I’m going to get a great ab workout with all the laughing.

    • I am not sure who I hope wins this bet. I agree that Kate is the clear loser but will have a great time laughing. Man, I wish I could do TTRAR this year.

      I think the winner should get pick the leg too. I mean an upriver paddle in a speedo isn’t much of a punishment. I hope the winner pick the ropes course for the loser to wear the speedo on. Imagine Luke or Bob in a speedo and climbing harness ascending 250 feet above you head…please have your cameras ready.

  7. Word on the street is the donuts at this year’s race are smaller than last year’s. If this is indeed the case, then Bob and I have agreed that he will have to eat 26 Donuts or more. All other rules still apply. I actually had him to agree to 32 donuts, but I felt that this was unfair. Winner gets to pick the loser’s speedo out. I might have Bob wear this one. Actually, I’m definitely going to have him wear this one.

  8. Have fun this weekend! That’s a great race and I’m really sorry I’m going to miss it. Looking forward to the race reports!

  9. First of all, I feel dirty for looking at your proposed Speedos. I was wondering if Bob had a free tux that he needed to gain 26 dnuts worth of weight to properly fit into. In any case, good luck in your endeavor.

    • I’ve already been hammock–I mean, speedo shopping online to help find the perfect suit. And wow, I’m glad the guys around here are all about trunks.

  10. James Browning

    The world is waiting for the results. And, the winner (loser) is . . .

    • I did the best I could but barfed and lost. I’ve got some good photos and a video or two I’ll try to get posted tonight.

      I’m mortified.

      • Nice try man. I can’t wait to see the Thunder Rolls pictures. I think the ropes course is going to rock since it is at Camp Benson.

        I also think it would be great if that is the leg you wear the speedo on. It would be something that is never forgotten on will go down in Camp Benson/Thunder Rolls/Lightening Strikes/Gerry V history.

        Luke pick this leg of the race as the speedo leg.

  11. James Browning

    I certainly hope (for the sake of all sighted individuals) that a garment can be found that is big enough to fully cover the sac of the Virtusan who was man enough to take this bet. I am in awe of your chutzpah.

  12. Casey just emailed me the perfect thing for Bob to wear at the Thunder Rolls. Although, I’m a little concerned about why Casey even knew this kind of thing existed.

    • Suprisingly, they are a lot more comfortable than they look.

      • And if you look on their website they advertise that they are “new and unworn”. So Bob doesn’t have to wear a used penis pouch.

        I think he’ll love the soft material. I am not sure he would look good in the leopard print. You might want to go with a nice Zaffre Blue to bring out the color of his eyes.

  13. Wow.

    Adam is hereby fired from the team for doing absolutely nothing to prevent this horrible series of events. What a dick.

  1. Pingback: To eat or not to eat, that was the question | superkatedotcom

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