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Monthly Archives: August 2012

Just for Fun Friday – The Tether Ball World Championship Death Match that Never Happened Edition

Back in the Spring of 2011 at the High Profile Adventure Camp, Bob Jenkins rolled over anyone and everyone who stepped up to challenge him to a tether ball match.  The tournament culminated with a championship match between Bob and Brian of Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Adventure Racing.  It didn’t end well for Brian:

Tether Ball Death Match #1

Brian’s face got up close and personal with the ball as Bob struck the final, winning blow.

Ever since the total annihilation of Brian, there has been talk of a rematch.  It was supposed to go down at this year’s camp, but Team Virtus had a date with the LBL Challenge.  When we heard The Thunder Rolls Adventure Race would be held at Camp Benson, the same place the Adventure Camp is held, we knew that Bob would once again have to humiliate Brian.  This time, however, Bob would show no mercy.  He would sweep the leg if he had to, but there was no way he was going to lose to Brian.

Brian, being the cocky, arrogant SOB that he is, showed up to Camp Benson in this awesome t-shirt made by his awesome wife, Melanie:

Tether Ball Death Match T-Shirt

Not only is Brian’s wife talented, she has put up with Brian’s shenanigans for WAY too long.

Unfortunately, the tether ball poles at Camp Benson were just like Brian and Todd… Lacking balls.  We were all very disappointed, but we focused our energy on the 24-hour Thunder Rolls.  It was one helluva good race (read part one of our race report right here).

After suffering a severe scratch from a thorn and still managing to somehow survive the race, I began packing the Virtus Van the following morning for the long drive home.  That’s when Todd spotted my Wal-Mart bag full of the nastiest, skankiest, dirty race clothes you’ve ever seen.  He asked to borrow it, and I knew what was about to happen.

Dirty Laundry Tether Ball Death Match

Ingenuity at its finest!

Bob, being the champion that he is, offered the serve to Brian.  He slowly pushed the scum-ball towards Brian when Brian immediately (and illegally I might add) smashed the “ball” back at Bob with no warning.  Bob, with cat-like speed and reflexes, returned the serve, and the “game” was on.  After two or three hits, Brian tore a hole in the “ball” and my nasty laundry flew everywhere.

Bob was willing to try to find a replacement “ball” with which to continue the Death Match, but before he could do so, Brian quit and declared himself the winner (he’s gotten pretty good at this).  You can read Brian’s fictional version of this match right here.

Regardless of the lies you’ve heard, the Tether Ball World Championship Death Match (TBWCDM) never happened.  The “ball” was not a regulation ball, Brian used an illegal (and dirty) serve to start the non-regulation match, and then he quit before we could continue.  While it was a riot watching them bat at my smelly clothes like a couple of kittens hopped up on catnip, it was NOT a real match.  Even if it was a regulation match, which it was not, Brian didn’t win it anyway.  And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Tether Ball Death Match Final Hand Shake

Bob still showed his dominance over Brian in the post-non-match handshake.

There will be a true TBWCDM!  There must be a TBWCDM!  All of you Virtusites deserve some closure.  And Brian needs to be silenced… Just like he was last time there was a real match.

Brian after being destroyed at Tether Ball

Face smashed and flat on his back… Just like he’ll end up when there’s a REAL rematch.

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The Thunder Games

***Editor’s Note: This Thunder Rolls Race Report was written by Luke.  Commentary was added by Bob in Green and Kage in Blue, and Luke added a few responses in Red.  We hope you enjoy.***

The Thunder Games - Thunder Rolls 24 Hour Race Report

***Note #2: If you haven’t read or seen The Hunger Games, then you may not get a few of these references.  Don’t worry, though.  Whether you’re familiar with The Hunger Games or not, this race report will still be worthy of a Pulitzer-Prize… or at the very least, my mom will say it’s good.***

The Reaping

Every year the Head Game Maker (Race Director), Gerry Voelliger, requires two or three Tributes (Teammates), either coed or same-gender, from each District to participate in the Thunder Games.  At the reaping in each District, names are drawn to decide who will race with whom.  When Adam’s name was announced as the first Tribute, everyone was shocked.  He was just so frail and helpless, everyone knew he wouldn’t make it.  The Games would eat him alive, destroying the delicate, little flower that is Adam.  I couldn’t take it, so I screamed, “I volunteer!  Take me instead of Adam!  I volunteer!”

As I staggered forward numbly, I heard the names of the other two Tributes.  Kage and Bob were also selected for this year’s Thunder Games.  The three of us, the chosen ones, were the Tributes representing District 69, the Virtus District, for the 10th annual Thunder Games (Thunder Rolls Adventure Race).

The Trip to the Capitol

We planned on leaving the Seam (Jefferson City) around 7:00 – 7:30, and Bob was ready when I met him at his house.  In fact, he had time to squeeze in a vigorous workout in preparation for The Games.

Bob Doing Curls

Sun’s out guns out.

Each Tribute is allowed to take one Token with them into The Thunder Games.  The Token is supposed to represent and remind them of home.  Bob’s choice was easy, but I was still humbled and honored when he chose to take a gift that I had given him.

Bob's Goldmember Speedo for Thunder Rolls

The gift that keeps on giving.

We were running late, but when we arrived at Kage’s place in the Hob (St. Louis), she was nowhere to be found.  I guess she was trying to make a last minute trade of small game for some much needed supplies (glow sticks).  After waiting roughly 4 hours (Kage: I actually pulled in right after they did, but the look on their faces was priceless), Kage finally graced us with her presence, and we made our way to the Capitol (Mount Caroll, IL).

On the way to the Capitol, Kage kept crying and blowing her nose.  She must have been worried about leaving her family behind (actually her allergies had flared up in a BIG way).  She looked absolutely miserable, but we knew she’d be fine once the race started.

Upon arrival, we checked in with the amazing Peacekeepers (volunteers), and we received our awesome schwag bags.  The North Face Hoodie and the Boetje’s mustard are my favorite!

Training Session in Front of the Gamemakers (AKA – Ascending Practice)

We met up with fellow Tributes from District 68 (Iowa), Todd and Brian from WTFAR and Dave from Tardy Rooster, who were staying in the same cabin as us.  They had already formed an alliance that would prove to be strong, and they became WTFARTR (pronounced WootFarter).

Kage had never rappelled before.  She had never ascended before.  In fact, she had never really done anything with fixed ropes before.  Fortunately, we were allowed to practice ascending before the pre-race meeting.  Our Mentor (Robyn Benincasa) told us that we needed to get our game faces on.  We had to show no fear, and we really needed to impress the Gamemakers.

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All hooked up and ready to go.

Bob and Kage each hopped on a rope, and they made short work of the 40 – 50 foot ascent.  After just a little bit of instruction, Kage seemed to grasp ascending quite well.  Then I shimmied my way up to join them.  It was physically challenging for all of us, but we were ready.

Kage: I had been really nervous about the ropes sections of the course, and this practice really set me at ease.  Huge thanks to the volunteers there!

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Movin’ on up!

Opening Ceremonies (Pre-Race Meal/Meeting/Route Planning)

We all ate one last meal together, and it was delicious.  As we enjoyed the food, we looked around at all of the other Tributes.  The Careers were all there, Wedali, Alpine Shop, and Bushwhacker.  They looked at ease, but we knew they had been trained to destroy us all.

Head Gamemaker, Gerry Voelliger, introduced himself and then informed us of all we would need to know. He is notorious for his sadistic ways, and everyone knows that he gets joy out of the Tributes’ suffering.

Gerry Voelliger at The Thunder Rolls

Don’t underestimate this man.

We received our maps, and Kage and I plotted our course while Bob worked on last-minute survival skills… Um… Actually he took a shower… before doing a 24-hour adventure race… instead of taking a nap…

Bob: I didn’t want to get the Speedo dirty.

Kage: There were a few points that didn’t seem right when Luke plotted them, and I was worried that I’d screwed up the coordinates I was reading because I was so hopped up on Benadryl.  Then Gerry came in to make some adjustments to the clue sheet and everything made sense.  Whew.

Plotting points at Thunder Rolls AR

Working the maps

We plotted the points, planned our route, and packed our gear.  We got our other gear, food, and clothes packed up, and we took them to the Cornucopia (Bike Drop).  We then sat down for a few minutes before it was time.

Entering the Arena / Leg 1 – Coasteering

With high hopes, we donned our packs and headlamps and then made our way to the starting line.  After one last dukie-break, it was time to line up for a group photo.  We all wondered which of us would not make it back in one piece.

Start of the Thunder Rolls

Photo Credit: John Morris

As the clock struck midnght, Gerry yelled, “Go!”  And Go we did.  In fact, we started faster than we normally do.  We normally either start out at a walk or we only run far enough to be out of range of the cameras before we walk.  Not this time, though.  We started running, and we didn’t stop right away.  In fact we just kept running.

We weren’t setting any records, but I was feeling pretty good about our pace.  The Careers were way out of sight of course, but for us, it was a good start.  As we got into Mount Carroll, we entered a park.  It was then and only then when we slowed to a walk.  WTFARTR was right with us, and there were even a few teams behind us.

Bob:  While I typically enjoy the isolation associated with being in last place, it felt really good to be among other teams. I thought we held a respectable pace and I was surprised we didn’t pass more people during this part of the race. I think we should do this running thing more often.

Kage: I wanted to die a little bit here, but there was no way I was going to be the one who was the first to quit running.  I blame the Benadryl and certainly not my lack of training.

The next section was a Coasteering section where we had to stay within the banks of the Wakarusa River.  The depth of the river ranged from ankle-deep to neck-deep, and in one or two places the water was over our heads.  So we basically had to hike/wade/swim down the river at 12:30 AM with full packs on.  And it… was… awesome!  It might be one of my favorite legs of any race we’ve ever done.

Bob: Echo that. I remember swimming next to Todd and we were both laughing hysterically. This part of the race was just plain awesome.

Kage: Loved it!

Unfortunately, I have no photos of this leg since my camera isn’t waterproof, Kage’s camera is waterproof but has no flash, and Bob’s camera is waterproof with a flash but he couldn’t find it before leaving District 69.  Trust me, though.  It was an absolute blast.  Fortunately, race photographer, John Morris, was out there to capture this shot:

Coasteering at the Thunder Rolls 24 Hour Adventure Race

Big thanks to John Morris for being out there snapping Photos. And yes, Brian Van Weelden and I are holding hands. Be jealous. (Photo Credit: John Morris)

On the other hand, it kind of sucked, too.  It was never easy.  Our socks and shoes immediately filled with grit, sand, and rocks.  Trying to empty them was a losing battle.  The uneven, rocky terrain underfoot wreaked havoc on our ankles, shins, and knees.  Every one of us in our 6-person super-group of Team Virtus and WTFARTR fell over at one point, and a couple of us even went completely under.  We managed to pass a couple of teams who missed a Checkpoint that was tucked behind some rocks which was nice, but walking through the water just hammered our quads and hip flexors.  It was rough.

Regardless… It was one of the highlights of not only this race, but of my adventure racing career.  Yes, I enjoyed it (and hated it) that much.

Leg 1 Continued – Orienteering & Rapelling

After CP 4, we were allowed to leave the Wakarusa behind.  We grabbed a couple of CP’s, and then WTFARTR got a bit ahead of us on our way up to get another CP at the top of a reentrant at a creek junction.  As we were heading up, they were heading back down.  Once we punched the passport, I took a look at our map.

The next CP was on top of a narrow ridge.  We were already up high, so I thought we should stay high.  I thought it was very odd that WTFARTR (in addition to a couple of other teams) had gone back down.  Especially since WTFAR’s motto is, “Up is good… except when it’s not.”  I figured they must have tried bushwhacking and thought it wasn’t a good option, so I asked my fellow Tributes what they wanted to do.  And then something amazing happened.  Kage gave an opinion.

Now that may not sound like a big deal, but I think it’s huge.  You see, before this race, Kage never really gave her opinion.  She always just went along with whatever we decided.  Most of the time she never gave an opinion because she didn’t really know enough about the map or the terrain to give an informed decision.  And some of the time she probably wasn’t comfortable speaking up for fear of being wrong.  Not this time, though.

She piped up right away, “I say we stay high instead of going all the way down just to come all the way back up.”  I agreed, but I was still baffled as to why WTFARTR went back down.  So I decided to bushwhack just a bit to see if it opened up any.  And boy, did it open right up.  In fact, there was a perfect little trail that led right to the CP.  Good call, Kage!

Kage: I just didn’t want to climb uphill again.

The next CP was in the back of a cave where we all had to be punch our wristbands at the CP (roughly 300 ft back) to prove that the entire team went all the way in.  This cave is really cool.  It’s very narrow at points, and with teams coming and going, we got up-close and personal with complete strangers as we passed each other.  The bats in this cave were like Kamikaze pilots, dive-bombing right in front of our faces or at the backs of our heads.  Just a really cool experience.

From here, our next CP was the rappel, and I was REALLY looking forward to this.  For those of you that don’t know, Bob lost a bet to me, so he had to wear a Speedo of my choosing for part of this race.  We opened up a poll for all of you Virtusites, and even though Bob and Brian tried to cheat the system with Brian voting from 40 different computers for “Biking at Night,” their attempt was thwarted by all of you good, honest people, and “Fixed Ropes” won the vote.

Bob: Hey now, I think if you look back you’ll see that Casey gave the OK for multiple votes as long as they came from different IP addresses.

Luke: He didn’t give the OK, he just said it was possible.  It wasn’t cheating, but it wasn’t exactly on the up and up, now was it?  It doesn’t matter now.  The right choice prevailed.

As Kage and I were putting on our harnesses, Bob was swapping his clothes for the Gold Speedo.  There were several teams and a handful of volunteers there to witness this historic event, but we were sad that WTFARTR was going to miss it.

But then we heard some crashing through the woods and then a loud, “Yeeesssss!!  We made it in time!”  It was Brian, followed by Todd and Dave.  They had realized their mistake and then hauled ass to catch up to us.  Now all was right in the world.  Our good friends would be there to see Bob “shine.”  We posed for a photo or twelve, but be warned.  Once you see the next few photos, you will never feel the same about Bob Jenkins.  You will love him even more (if that’s possible).

Kage: I had seriously mixed feelings.  On one hand, the Speedo bet was hilarious and has given us hours of fun.  On the other hand, I’d have wanted to die before walking out in front of a bunch of other people in basically no clothes.  No matter how uncomfortable Bob might have been, though, he owned it.  And laughing about this insanity distracted me from my terror of heights and the knowledge that I was about to rappel for the first time.  Thanks, Bob!

Luke: Kage is right.  The whole thing was absolutely hilarious, but when it came time for it to actually go down, I was feeling pretty badly about it.  Not badly enough to put a stop to it, of course.  I mean, a bet’s a bet.  Bob was simply superb.  He more than owned it.  He owned it, took it public and sold shares, and then bought all the shares back again.  Bob, you were fantastic!  Seriously, no one should EVER punk out on a bet after seeing you live up to this one (and yes, Brian, I still owe you a snack from our bet!).

Bob Goldmember Jenkins with Team Virtus

Bob looked fabulous! (Photo Credit: Brian Van Weelden)

Bob in a Speedo with Brian

I think Brian enjoyed this moment almost as much as I did. Almost.

After laughing our asses off, it was time to throw ourselves off of a cliff.  Kage had never rappelled before.  As in NEVER.  So her first rappel was going to be 100 feet high or so, in the dark, with a free-fall, into a river.  The plan was for me to go first so I could belay her at the bottom, she would go second so Bob could give her encouragement from above, and then Goldmember himself would rappel down in the Gold Speedo.

Kage had fingerless biking gloves, and I had full-fingered, leather gloves.  I also had a pair of full-fingered biking gloves in my pack that I offered her.  She was about to accept my offer when one of the volunteers said she wouldn’t need them.  I offered once more, but Kage said she’d be fine.  So over the cliff I went.

It was a really fun rappel, and I’m finally able to rappel without getting really nervous.  I almost fell into the water at the bottom, but I managed to stay upright.  The volunteers at the top and bottom were amazing.  As I was unclipping from the rope, they informed me that there was a hornet’s nest somewhere nearby, so Kage’s first rappel would include dangerous insects as well.  Nice, huh?

So it was Kage’s turn.  I wasn’t up there, but Bob said she seemed like she had done it a hundred times.

Kage's first rappel

No fear (Photo Credit: Brian Van Weelden)

Kage: If you really look at that picture, I look like I’m headed to the firing squad. I was really nervous waiting, to the point where my hands were shaking and I was feeling nauseous. Once I was hooked in, though, I was just focused on what I needed to do. I did get a little uncomfortable when I spun away from the wall, but I really wasn’t scared. Very cool experience.

Kage rappelled like a champ.  It’s ridiculous how she seems to have absolutely no fear (and I still haven’t heard complain).  She’s such a broodmare.  During the rappel, I think she got going a bit too fast and nearly burned her fingers.  If only she had a really wise and handsome teammate that suggested she wear full-fingered gloves.  Hmm…

Kage: Let me officially say it here on the blog: Luke, you were right. I totally should have listened to you.

Luke: Wow.  That is my favorite line of this entire race report!

Then it was Bob’s turn to rappel with Kage as his bottom-belay.  It was hard to see him at the top of the cliff, but as he came downward, his gold Speedo shone like a beacon in the night.  It was a sight to behold, let me tell you.  Bob also got going too fast, though.  He couldn’t seem to stop himself, and he yelled for a belay from Kage.  I told Kage to pull the rope tightly, but it was twisted around another rope.  Before we could figure this out, Bob was already in the river.

Kage: I feel bad about that. Sorry Bob!

Luke: It wasn’t your fault.  I couldn’t have done anything if it was me doing the belaying.  The ropes were twisted.

Bob in Gold Speedo at Thunder Rolls after the Rappel

Bob had a message for everyone (Photo Credit: John Morris)

For a minute or so, Bob stayed in the water.  We would later learn that Bob was yelling for us to stop him because the rope was burning his belly.  He said the cool water was quite soothing to his smoldering skin, and it offered a brief respite from the searing pain.  If you look closely in the photo above, you can see a small, red line on his belly just above his harness.  And if you can’t quite make it out, here is a better shot of it:

Bob's burned belly from rappelling

If you’ve never experienced a rope burn like this before, consider yourself lucky.

Even though we had already experienced a full race-worth of fun and pain, we knew we must press on.  There was a LOT more racing to do.  So onward we pushed.

Will Team Virtus find the next CP? Will they succumb to the Careers?  Will Bob continue to wear the Speedo just for fun?  Will the Tributes from District 69 survive what the head Gamemaker has planned?  Stay tuned to find out.

To Be Continued…

Speedo Vote for The Thunder Rolls

So we need your help in a bad way. For those of you that have been living under a rock for the last few months, you may not be aware of “The Speedo Bet.” You see, I bet Bob that he could not eat 23 or more donuts at the Tour de Donut. Well, Bob only ate 18 donuts and he barfed, so I won the bet. Now the time has come for Bob to make good on that bet.

This weekend at The Thunder Rolls 24-Hour Adventure Race, Bob will have to wear a Speedo Bikini, and nothing but a Speedo Bikini, for one entire leg of the race (in addition to socks, shoes, backpack, etc.) Well, I finally got around to ordering Bob’s Speedo, and here it is:

Bob Jenkins Speedo

Now and forevermore, Bob shall be known as Goldmember

Simple, classic, understated, and yet so stunning. Don’t you think? I almost ordered him a thong, but then I realized that Kage and I were going to have to see him in this thing up-close and personal. So I opted for a traditional Speedo.

Anyway, I have not decided when Bob will wear the Speedo, and that’s where you come in. Please take just a moment to fill out the poll below. Your vote counts, so don’t be shy. And leave a comment with some words of encouragement for Bob.

This is serious business. Do you want Bob to bare most of his flesh while trekking through thorns, poison ivy, and stinging nettle? Or do you want him in nothing but a Speedo while biking over bumpy, gravel roads and thus destroying his taint? Or are you going to be nice and have him wear the Speedo at night on the paddling leg of the race where he will be mostly hidden by the canoe and life jacket?

The choice is yours. Choose wisely.

And be sure to check us out on Facebook and Twitter as we’ll be sure to post some photos and updates throughout the race this weekend.

You Go Girl!

***A Note From Luke: This post was originally published on Kage’s personal blog, which you should read regularly. However, we feel that our site needs a feminine touch now and again, so we wanted to share it with all of you Virtusites who may not have seen this before. We’ve had many laughs regarding the Go Girl, and it still cracks me up (yes, I’m still a 3 year-old boy at heart). I’ve added a comment or two in blue. So here you go. Enjoy.***

A note to my more sensitive readers: this is a post about pee, especially peeing outside. In it, I reference pee more than your average 3 year old boy. If the topic of pee offends you, or you simply prefer not to read about pee, let me refer you to some more ladylike topics:

Ummm….

Still here? Ok, then. Alert readers will remember that on the way down to Tennessee for the LBL Challenge adventure race (oh, please…you didn’t really think I was done talking about that, did you?), Bob picked up a little gift for me at Gander Mountain: my very own Go Girl (“Don’t take life sitting down!”) so that I could pee standing up and feel like one of the guys.

While I was less than excited, they found the whole thing hilarious. So entertaining that, even though I (wisely, as it turned out) refused to try the Go Girl during the race, every. single. time. I went to the bathroom that weekend Luke would say, “You go girl!” Which didn’t get old at all. 🙂 Since Bob had spent his hard-earned money to extend my urinary options, though, I promised to try it out at home and report back.

Luke: I still think it’s hilarious, and I STILL yell, “You go girl!” whenever Kage needs to stop for a pee break.

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It freaked me out a little to see how similar these containers were. I certainly wouldn’t want to be dumping my Go Girl into my water bottle…

I guess this is as good a place as any to mention that my husband thinks this whole review is a bad idea, that you’ll think I’m weird, and that I’m inviting the wrong kind of attention. I’ve assured him that my weirdness is a well-established fact, but I would appreciate it if the psychos stayed away, because the only thing worse than being chopped up into little pieces by some sit-to-pee fanatic would be having to admit that Jeff was right.

The Go Girl wasn’t an entirely new concept to me; I’d read a mention of it in Athena Diaries (I think) some time ago. The line that sticks in my head is “she peed off a cliff and it changed her life”. Appealing as that thought might be, my impression was a bit less enthusiastic. You might say I wasn’t yet sold on the technology.

My initial thoughts: This seems like too much trouble. Do you have to put it away wet? Gross. How exactly does this work? Wedge the thing into your pants? Otherwise you’d still have to pull pants all the way down, which doesn’t help any in the privacy dept.

A little research turned up this hilariously bad video. I warn you, it’s minutes of your life you’ll never get back. It did, however, clue me in to the idea of using a water bottle to rinse out the Go Girl, because it seems mighty wasteful to spend $10(ish) on a single use item.

Once I’d watched the video, it was time to begin the testing.

Presenting…..the Go Girl

Trial 1: at home in the bathroom with my skirt pulled up and the rest removed, just in case (a good plan, as it turned out). There’s a bit of a learning curve. You definitely don’t want to wait until the last minute when you really have to go. As there’s not much of an opening at the end, it fills much faster than it empties.

Luke: This makes me think of Mrs. Doubtfire peeing standing up. Hey, maybe Mrs. Doubtfire would be another good nickname for Kage since they’re the same age. 🙂

Bob: That picture bothers me; I feel like I’m looking at Kate’s penis or something.

It’s kinda like emptying a bathtub into a thimble.

Oh well…it was probably time for me to clean my toilet…and my floor.

Bob: That picture is even worse; it’s like Kate’s Wenis is looking right at me. *shudders* There’s probably a “deluxe” version with a bigger pee-hole.

Overall, the whole experience was weird. Standing up to pee felt very unfeminine. Because of the fill/drain lag, the pee sound continues for a while after you stop going. And I had to put the toilet seat down after I used it…which is just wrong. The aim part, though, wasn’t difficult at all; I don’t know what guys’ problem is.

Luke: In my house, where I am King of the Castle, the girls have to leave the seat UP for my son and me. Okay, that’s not true. I’m in such a habit of putting the seat back down for my wife and daughters that I even put the seat down at work and in public places. I know… I need to hand in my man card.

Impression so far: no thanks. I was way less dressed and more exposed than using the squat behind tree method.

Trial 2: at home, wearing skirt but no underwear. This trial went better: no spillage, but I had to pee realllllly slowly to prevent it. If I had to pee RIGHT NOW I would totally have had a flood. Between keeping clothes out of the way and holding the Go Girl in place, wiping and such is hard to coordinate. Still thinking it’s more trouble than it’s worth.

Trial 3: at home, skirt and panties on. No spills, but I felt exceedingly unladylike. (Kind of funny in light of Bob telling me during the race that my sneeze was “the most feminine thing I’ve ever heard you do.” He later amended feminine to girly, which is a little better, but clearly I don’t come off as ladylike.) Also, standing up to pee eliminated that valuable phone-checking time you get while sitting (what, like you don’t do that too?)

Note: this is not the tool to use if there’s any question of exactly which # you’re there for. No such problems occurred, but it was a little scary. The test, however, was a success. Ready for field testing…I guess.

Trial #4: field testing during trail maintenance. The nicely overgrown woods made for good privacy…much better than the bare winter trees. I’ll admit, it was nice not having to pull my pants all the way down, but it still felt kind of weird. Since I was wondering about the time involved in using the Go Girl (also available in khaki!!!) instead of the squat method, I timed myself using it. It took me 1:49 to take out, use, and pack back away GG (in the conveniently included bag since I didn’t have a water bottle for rinsing). Once again, the Go Girl took forever to empty once I was finished peeing. I’m planning a slight modification to see if I can improve that situation.

The verdict: After fairly extensive testing, I can’t say that the Go Girl is going to be a regular part of my bathroom arsenal. As jealous as I am of the guys’ ability to turn away, whip it out, and pee right on the side of the road, even with the Go Girl I’m just not likely to do that. In my opinion, it’s a lot simpler to find a spot, pee, and then catch back up rather than mess with getting something out, using it, then cleaning and repacking it.

That’s not to say that Bob wasted his money, though. I can definitely think of some times the Go Girl would be beneficial. For example, I can’t wait to take it with me this next winter.

I’ve always wanted to pee my name in the snow

Luke: Although Kage may never use the Go Girl again, we will keep its memory alive by saying, “You go girl!” when she pees at a race… every. single. time.

And if my husband ever gets sick of me, the Go Girl could certainly come in handy getting rid of those pesky one night stands who just won’t leave. (Thanks to Mike for the video!)

(Disclaimer: I was given a Go Girl for free, courtesy of Team Virtus and primarily for their own amusement. I did not pay for Go Girl, receive payment for this review, or agree to give a positive review. Aside from information gleaned from the company website, the opinions are my own.)

(Disclaimer (b): I stole this disclaimer from Midwest Multisport Life because I’ve never actually needed to make one up before.)

Kicks in the Sticks is this weekend

At long last, a competitive trail run has made its way to Jefferson City. This weekend, the Kicks in the Sticks is going to happen and I’ll be there with my super-hot feyoncee, (yes, I spelled it wrong on purpose), on a quest for trail running glory. I fully plan to dominate the 30-39 y/o male  260+lbs category….if there is one. If there isn’t, I think all of us fatties should throw $5 in a hat and let the winner take all.

Who else is going?

Rumor has it our man Brandon Lepage will be making his triumphant return to the race scene, and it’ll be nice to see that guy again.

Red shorts make you faster

If you live in Jeff City/Columbia, there’s really no reason to miss this event.  Come on out and support local racing; if we’re lucky this will be the first of many. I’ve heard rumors of free beer at this race..

Can’t get this thing to blow up any bigger for some reason.

In case you can’t read the flyer, info can be found at www.kicksinthesticks.com and www.jeffcityrotaract.com .

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