Just for Fun Friday – The Tether Ball World Championship Death Match that Never Happened Edition

Back in the Spring of 2011 at the High Profile Adventure Camp, Bob Jenkins rolled over anyone and everyone who stepped up to challenge him to a tether ball match.  The tournament culminated with a championship match between Bob and Brian of Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Adventure Racing.  It didn’t end well for Brian:

Tether Ball Death Match #1

Brian’s face got up close and personal with the ball as Bob struck the final, winning blow.

Ever since the total annihilation of Brian, there has been talk of a rematch.  It was supposed to go down at this year’s camp, but Team Virtus had a date with the LBL Challenge.  When we heard The Thunder Rolls Adventure Race would be held at Camp Benson, the same place the Adventure Camp is held, we knew that Bob would once again have to humiliate Brian.  This time, however, Bob would show no mercy.  He would sweep the leg if he had to, but there was no way he was going to lose to Brian.

Brian, being the cocky, arrogant SOB that he is, showed up to Camp Benson in this awesome t-shirt made by his awesome wife, Melanie:

Tether Ball Death Match T-Shirt

Not only is Brian’s wife talented, she has put up with Brian’s shenanigans for WAY too long.

Unfortunately, the tether ball poles at Camp Benson were just like Brian and Todd… Lacking balls.  We were all very disappointed, but we focused our energy on the 24-hour Thunder Rolls.  It was one helluva good race (read part one of our race report right here).

After suffering a severe scratch from a thorn and still managing to somehow survive the race, I began packing the Virtus Van the following morning for the long drive home.  That’s when Todd spotted my Wal-Mart bag full of the nastiest, skankiest, dirty race clothes you’ve ever seen.  He asked to borrow it, and I knew what was about to happen.

Dirty Laundry Tether Ball Death Match

Ingenuity at its finest!

Bob, being the champion that he is, offered the serve to Brian.  He slowly pushed the scum-ball towards Brian when Brian immediately (and illegally I might add) smashed the “ball” back at Bob with no warning.  Bob, with cat-like speed and reflexes, returned the serve, and the “game” was on.  After two or three hits, Brian tore a hole in the “ball” and my nasty laundry flew everywhere.

Bob was willing to try to find a replacement “ball” with which to continue the Death Match, but before he could do so, Brian quit and declared himself the winner (he’s gotten pretty good at this).  You can read Brian’s fictional version of this match right here.

Regardless of the lies you’ve heard, the Tether Ball World Championship Death Match (TBWCDM) never happened.  The “ball” was not a regulation ball, Brian used an illegal (and dirty) serve to start the non-regulation match, and then he quit before we could continue.  While it was a riot watching them bat at my smelly clothes like a couple of kittens hopped up on catnip, it was NOT a real match.  Even if it was a regulation match, which it was not, Brian didn’t win it anyway.  And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Tether Ball Death Match Final Hand Shake

Bob still showed his dominance over Brian in the post-non-match handshake.

There will be a true TBWCDM!  There must be a TBWCDM!  All of you Virtusites deserve some closure.  And Brian needs to be silenced… Just like he was last time there was a real match.

Brian after being destroyed at Tether Ball

Face smashed and flat on his back… Just like he’ll end up when there’s a REAL rematch.

About Lukas Lamb

Husband to a wonderful wife, father to 4 incredible kids (3 daughters and 1 son), adventure racer, mountain biker, runner, lifter of weights, reader of books, and lover of life. He can be found on Google+

Posted on August 31, 2012, in Nonsense and Tomfoolery, The Thunder Rolls and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. I know we’ve already mentioned this on the Facebooks or something, but I think we should use the next non-race as a fund-raiser for some new tetherball poles for Camp Benson.

    We’re really lucky to have races put on by the likes of Gerry V and Bonk Hard. It’s like every race is the best one….until the next one. Berryman is coming up quick, too.

  2. Ummmm….excuse me? Were you hitting the moonshine again? We were playing by American Tetherball Championship of America Death Match (ATCADM) rules, NOT TBWCDM rules (which aren’t even recognized as real rules in any place besides Callaway County, MO. According to ATCADM rule 1.23456 – “If the opportunity arises to smash a bag of dirty clothes (the is substituting for the ball) into your opponents face, do it, and you are declared the Ultimate Champion.” See, it’s in the rules.


    I’m willing to have a food bet on the rematch. Not Bob will buy me a snack and never actually do it (Team Virtus is known for that), but the loser will eat some sort of nasty concoction of nastiness. We can debate, discuss, vote, etc. on what that will be for both sides down the road.

    It feels SO GOOD to be the 2012 ATCADM CHAMPION!!!!

    suck it Bob.

    • I think it is a great idea and it should be decided by the vote. After all it’s getting to be that time of year again. You have your fan vote on your web page as to what Bob should eat and we will have all of our fans vote on what you should eat. I think the dog food that was purchased for the Alpo Challenge is still available. Luke?

      Why not up the ante a bit and make this a man’s game? The loser does one leg of the next race wearing only their shoes and three socks. Are you man enough Brian? I know Bob is!

    • I’m not sure why you’re so confused, Brian…this is pretty much exactly how I remember it.

  3. I’m going to be bringing a tetherball full of mayonnaise to the rematch. Prepare accordingly.

  4. Casey – You’ve seen the pictures, we all now know I’m not man enough to match Bob in a 3 sock competition. I wouldn’t want to let the the fans down if Bob would cheat and force me to lose. Once you’ve seen Bob, you can’t go back.

    This will be a good blog discussion topic through the winter. I’m sure our 5 fans will vote for whatever I want them to.

    • I think you should. Plus it apparantly is ok for people to try an rig the vote by voting on 20+ computers while at work. I can’t wait to see WTFAR eat some nasty crap…awesome:)

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