Monthly Archives: November 2012
As Bob noted in his last post, the best adventure non-race in the world, Carnage at the Creek (CAC), will happen again in 2013. We aren’t quite sure on the date yet, but we’ll keep you posted on that front. What I want to share with you today, though, is pretty disturbing.
It has come to our attention that our beloved CAC had come under a vicious and unprovoked attack. No, I’m not kidding. And I know what you’re thinking:
But how could this be?
Who would possibly attack a CAC that has given so many people pleasure?
I thought everyone loved CAC.
Well, that’s what we thought too. But take a look at this:
Clearly, Todd from Whiskey Tango Foxtrot has some issues with the 2012 version of the CAC. I’d like to defend my CAC since it is so precious to me. So please watch the video above and then read my point-by-point rebuttal below.
Point 1: The Hike-a-Bike Section – This section may not have been “fun.” I can admit that. However, there are always parts of every adventure race where you think, “This sucks. I’m never doing this again.” But then you look back at it later and realize it was awesome… Unless you’re a wimpy Packers fan like Todd is.
Point 2: Getting Lost On the Way to the Race – Out of all the racers, volunteers, and super sexy race directors – over 30 people in all – only two people got lost. Can you guess who they were? I’ll give you a hint: Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. That’s right, Brian and Todd. (And I love the fact that Todd risked his life for this shot.)
Point 3: Local Turkey Hunters – Well, there isn’t much to say about this one. Yes, it was turkey season. Yes, there was one disgruntled hunter. But he was probably more irritated with the 200 Bushcrafters in the area that weekend. Besides, it’s not like anyone was shot.
Point 4: Ticks in MO – Missouri isn’t the only state with ticks. Maybe Todd had more than his fair share of ticks, but that’s understandable. Everyone knows that Ticks are attracted to high levels of estrogen. (Todd’s rockin’ a sweet hat, by the way.)
Point 5: SuperKate Sleeps Like a Baby – Okay, I can’t really say anything about this one either. I’ve heard her snore, and it’s amazing that such a delicate, little flower could produce such a horrendous sound. Perhaps she’s developed sleep apnea in her old age.
Point 6: Proximity of Jefferson City to Iowa – Nothing I can do about this one. Maybe if someone put on an adventure non-race in Iowa, we would travel to that hell-hole.
Point 7: Snakes – It’s common knowledge that snakes, like ticks, are attracted to estrogen. (A very nice touch sitting on the toilet in this shot.)
Point 8: Bad Singletrack – I don’t get this one. I think the singletrack is easy and fun, but I guess I have a basic understanding of how my bike works and at least a modicum of athletic ability.
Point 9: Half-Priced Beef – I ate this questionable meat, and it truly was delicious. And I didn’t get sick. Man up, Todd. (That brownie looked delicious in this scene.)
Point 10: Bob Jenkins and Lukas Lamb are Sick SOB’s – What can I say? We tried to emulate the sickest, most sadistic race director we know – Gerry Voelliger.
Point 11: Smelly Rowboats – Coming from someone who lives in the middle of Iowa, a state most well-known for the stench of pig poop, this makes no sense.
Point 12: ??????? – There was no point #12, but don’t think I didn’t notice that hideous Cheese Head in this shot. You’ll pay, Todd Garrison. Oh, you’ll pay.
Obviously, all of Todd’s issues with our CAC are unfounded. For the rest of you, don’t worry. The CAC will be back sometime in April (probably) 2013. It will be bigger, longer, harder, and, as Todd said, maybe even bushier. Please don’t listen to Todd. He clearly has a case of CAC-envy.
Well folks, it’s that time of year again; time to start planning next year’s non-race. Approximately 5 months from now, (Pending the MDC announcing the last day of turkey season), “Carnage at the Creek” will make its triumphant return to Mid-Missouri.
*Pause ten seconds for applause*
Obviously, the race is still in its earliest stages of development. The one thing we know for certain is that there will be no mountain biking on horse-accessible trails this year…I promise. We’ve had with these damn horses and the trail of destruction they leave behind. All biking for the 2013 CAC will take place on “horseless” singletrack and gravel roads.
The 2013 orienteering leg will include land features not used in previous non-races. There may or may not be a coasteering leg this time, a cave or two, and several other previously-unseen areas of the Mark Twain National Forest. Just know that it’ll be very, very fun. Did I mention I’ve found two natural rock arches out there?
While there will be several changes for 2013, one thing will remain the same: This will be the best adventure non-race in the
midwest world. That’s right, I said the world. If you can find a free AR that’s better than ours, I’ll name my first child Adam Laffoon Jenkins. You heard it here first, if you can find a better FREE adventure race ANYWHERE, I will name my own child after this man:
There will be free food, free beer, free camping before and after the race, free fart smelling in every tent, and I can personally guarantee that pork steaks will rain from the sky when the race is over.
The only thing CAC2 non-racers will pay for is their map. we’ve paid for the maps in years past, but at $9 a piece they got pretty expensive last year. Still, $9 for a race like this is a steal.
Race date is tentatively set for April 20th, 2013. That may or may not change, depending on the official end to hunting season. We pissed some turkey hunters off last year, and I’d like to avoid repeating that.