Monthly Archives: January 2013

Oh No, Not Again! – The Super Century Part Deuce

Well, for those of you living in a cave, I’d like to make you aware of a little football game going down this Sunday.  We call it the Super Bowl.  And with the Super Bowl, comes Super Bowl parties which means way too much food and drink, which also means one of our worst ideas of all time is about to happen again.

Super Century is both brilliant and stupid.

Both signs point to the Super Century

There is something you can do as a preemptive strike on all of those calories.  And to all of you out there who say, “Just don’t eat any junk food or put anything into the holy temple that is your body,” I say SHUT YO’ MOUTH!  That’s just ridiculous.  I’m going to eat and drink whatever I want on Super Bowl Sunday, and no one is going to make me feel guilty about it.  After all, it’s what we do most of the time that matters, and most of the time I eat a healthy diet.  Sunday will not be one of those days, though.

Team Virtus is once again here to “help.”  It’s called the Super Century, and it is a really stupid and terribly awful idea – a virtual group trainer ride of at least 62 miles (a metric century).  Yes, I said it’s a TRAINER RIDE of 62 MILES OR MORE… INDOORS!  Want to know how it all came about last year?  Then check this out.

Thumbs down to the Super Century

Super Kage giving the first annual Super Century a thumbs down.

Last year, the first annual Super Century was a taint-smashing success.  Not only did we have riders from all over the country, but we had some lunatics doing some crazy things instead of the trainer ride so we could all suffer together thousands of miles apart (check it out).  So don’t be shy.  If you want to join us, just leave us a comment below.

There aren’t any real rules.  Just hop on a trainer (borrow one if you must), and pedal for 100 kilometers.  You can even ride outside if you want to.  Or you can try to come up with an equally stupid challenge.  No idiot will be turned away.

Be sure to check us out on Facebook and Twitter for updates, photos, smack-talk, and other tomfoolery.  Last year we even had “#supercentury” trending in the St. Louis area last year.  So if you are stupid awesome and brave enough to join us in this horrible “group” ride, be sure to use the #supercentury hashtag so we can see it.  I’ve also set up a challenge on Daily Mile which you can find right here.

I’ll be starting at 6:00 AM Central Time again this year since I have to work at 11:30.  If you want to be able to “chat” with us via facebook and twitter, you should be riding sometime between 6:00 AM and 10:30 AM CDT.  I hope to be done in 4 hours or so, but we’ll see.

So… Seriously, it was one of the worst things I did last year, yet it was one of the best things I did last year (Here is my terrible blog post about it).  It’s hard to describe just how terrible and awesome it really was, so you should just join us and find out for yourself.  Yes, YOU!  And if you’re preparing for the Dirty Kanza, the OGRE or Cedar Cross, then you should DEFINITELY join us since it will not only train your legs and taint, it will train your mind!

Leave us a comment if you want to join us, if you have questions, and especially if you have any movie recommendations to help me block out the pain in my ass.

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It’s Adam Laffoon’s Birthday

 

So, I just found out that it’s Adam’s birthday. I have no idea how old he is, but I’m sure he’s in a fancy restaurant right now singing Happy Birthday…to himself.

DSCF7433

Happy birthday, asshole.

And while I’m unaware of Adam’s age, I’d like to honor this day with the naming of a rock face I recently found near Cedar Creek. Since it so closely resembles a giant dick, I find it only fitting that it be a named after a giant dick. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the “Laffoon Stone.”

 

laffonstone

Any resemblance of the Laffoonstone to an actual person’s inverted penis is purely coincidental and very, very sad.

And now I can look forward to CAC2, when I will place a control flag on top of the Laffoonstone and laugh as one by one, all our non-racers climb to the top of a penis-shaped rock.

Milk It With Us at the MLK2 Ride

It’s here, ladies and gentlemen.  After a full year of anticipation, the second annual Martin Luther King Ride (MLK2) is THIS SATURDAY!  Last year we simply had way too much fun (thanks to the Hoosier Daddies), so we’re doing it again.  I can’t even tell you how awesome this ride/party was last year.  I’m not kidding.  It was amazing.  Just go read the report linked above.

Grilling Cookies at the MLK Ride

There will be cookies, thanks to Kage, and yes, we will grill them. Seriously.

We’re meeting at the Berryman Campground Trailhead (Google Map Here) at 8:00 AM on Saturday, January 19th.  We’ll probably roll out at 8:30-ish.  Last year, there were some wickedly fast dudes who rode the entire 25-26 mile loop, but there were also fat, slow guys (Me) that only did part of the trail.  So don’t be shy.  It doesn’t matter if you ride 2 miles, 25 miles or no miles at all.  It doesn’t matter if you’re fast or slow.  It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female, veteran or newby, blue-eyed or brown-eyed.  All that matters is you aren’t a douche bag and you want to ride and have fun with like-minded people.

Courtesy of the Hoosier Daddies

Mmm… Beer… Courtesy of the Hoosier Daddies

The Hoosier Daddies made the first annual MLK Ride one helluva party, and they’re planning on doing it again.  They’re bringing beer, brats, buns, plates, a grill, some tunes, and the oh-so-delicious blackberry whiskey.  If you’re so inclined, bring a dish to share.  That would be swell.

The weather looks like it’s going to be nearly perfect, so make sure you’re there.  Leave us a comment to let us know you’re coming, or head over to the facebook event page to do so and get any last minute updates.  While you’re there, be sure to like our team page as well.  And leave a comment here or on the facebook page if you want to carpool with anyone.  I know some people are looking for a ride to split the gas in the Jeff City area, so again, don’t be shy.  Speak up!

First MLK Ride

If you weren’t here last year, make sure you are this year.

We’ll have riders from St. Louis, Mid-Mo, Kansas City, Rolla, Springfield, and who knows where else.  There is even talk of some people camping the night before and/or after.  Single track, food, beer, cookies, camping, whiskey, tons of laughs…  There will be something for everyone!  C’mon.  You know you want to be there.

Lastly, Here is a link to some trail info including a pdf of a trail map of the Berryman Trail: Click Me!  So if you don’t want to miss the best ride of the year (so far), then we’ll see you on Saturday!

 

So Fun Soda Mile (and Trail Running)

First, I’d like to say happy New Year to all of you Virtusites out there!  I hope it’s the very best year for all of you.

We’ve been a little quiet here on the blog lately.  Well, we’re going to try to fix that.  I need to finish several race reports, and I need to write a couple of posts about upcoming events (like the SHITR on Saturday and the MLK2 Ride the Saturday after that).  But to whet your appetite, I thought I’d do a quick post on yesterday’s goings-on: The Soda Mile followed by some trail running.

Soda Popinksi

Obviously Soda Popinski would have won the race had he been there.

After yesterday, I can proudly say that I have surpassed Kage with the highest miles-driven-to-miles-raced ratio.  Her previous best was driving from Edwardsville, IL to Jefferson City, MO for the Kicks in the Sticks race.  That’s roughly a 150 mile drive to run 7.5 miles for a ratio of 20 to 1.  Well yesterday, I drove from Jefferson City to Edwardsville for a ONE mile race for a ratio of (for those of you who are mathematically challenged) 150 to 1.  That’s gonna be hard to beat.

Why would I drive that far for a one mile race?  To support a friend of course.  But also because it sounded like a blast.  It was a soda mile to benefit a friend’s son dealing with cancer.  I had never even heard of a soda mile, but once I understood what it was, I knew I had to go.

Here are the rules:

  1. Drink an entire can of soda.
  2. Run one lap around the track.
  3. Repeat 3 more times.
  4. Try not to barf but if you must, do NOT barf on the track.

I was up in the first heat, and there were some young, thin, fit high school runners in my heat.  Although I knew I wouldn’t be anywhere near the podium, seeing these young, fast dudes confirmed it.  But there was something else I could do better than these young whippersnappers.  I could out-chug them.  My only goal was to slam my diet 7-Up, get the hole shot, and be the leader through turn one – just like Bob does at every cross race.

Getting ready for the soda mile

This is how you should warm up for a Soda Mile. (Photo Credit: Diane Dudding)

Taking the early lead was so easy I almost felt bad for the young bucks.  I pounded the soda, smashed the can in my hand like a man, threw it down, and took off running.  For a brief second, I thought about trying to run the mile as hard as I could.  Then my right calf tightened up, and I reigned it back in.  Not that it would have mattered.  The other guys were much faster than I was.

As I was belching my way over to the straight-away on the track, I heard some monstrous burps behind me.  It was a young guy who went on to be the overall winner with a time of 7:48 or something like that.

I finished lap one, grabbed another soda, and chugged as much as I could.  It didn’t go down as easily as the first one, though.  The third and fourth sodas went down a little more slowly as well.  The first 100 yards after each soda was always the worst.  I tried to open up my gut and throat to let as many belches out as possible.  Every time I hit the straight-away on the other side of the track I would be burp-free, and I could actually run full-speed again (although I wasn’t exactly crushing it since I wanted to save my calf for the trail running later in the day).

I passed a couple of younger, faster guys on the side of the track barfing.  It was hilarious.  I finished in 10:49 or so.  It was one of the slower times in my heat, but that’s okay.  That’s not what this event was about.  It was about helping a friend and having fun.

Finishing the Soda Mile

This and other shots prove that my running form is improving. I have a LONG ways to go, but I’m no longer a heel-striker. (Photo Credit: Kage)

Kage was up next, and she was not really looking forward to drinking the soda and possibly barfing.  But would that stop her?  Absolutely not.  We all knew that Kage was going to step up and chug 4 sodas and run the fastest mile of the day.  And here’s a video to prove it:

Kage finished the first lap with no problems.  There was no barfing.  I know…  Disappointing.  Before Kage started her second lap, Patrick and I informed her that she had not actually finished the entire can.  Well, here’s what she thought about that:

Kage Middle Finger

I don’t think she cared about what Patrick and I thought.

Kage probably drank half of each can (if we’re being generous), and she finished her mile in 25 minutes.  Okay, that’s not true.  I actually don’t know what her time was, but I think it was around 9 and a half minutes or so.  And it didn’t really matter that she didn’t drink all the soda.  The spirit of a soda mile is all about fun.

Our friend Sara – who broke out of prison with us – was in the last heat of the day.  I think she actually drank all four of her sodas and successfully completed the mile without barfing.  She rocked it!

Sara at the Soda Mile

She’s WAY too happy to be on her fourth Orange Soda.

The soda mile was a lot of fun.  It was very laid back, and no one took it too seriously.  The top three runners received their awards: Six-packs of soda.  We later found out that the event raised $2,511.00 for our friend Lindsay’s family.  And that is very cool.

After the race, Kage and Patrick (of 100+ Project fame) were nice enough to take me running on their local trails.  The trail through the Big Woods was fantastic.  The other trail was great too, but I really enjoyed the Big Woods.  I won’t bore you with the details, but here is a synopsis followed by some photos:

  • The trails were great.
  • The company was even better.
  • The bridges were super slick.
  • Wild Running is way too much fun.
  • We spotted Sasquatch.
  • I learned about (and ran through the ruins of) the Mississippi River Festival from the ’70’s (Here’s a cool video that shows some of the trail and relics).
  • We had some great conversations and laughed a lot.
  • We covered 9.75 miles (with just a bit of walking at the end).

And now for the photos:

SIUE Trail Running

The beautiful trails were practically right on the SIUE campus.

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Remnants of the Mississippi River Festival at SIUE

Although it looks like I’m trying to poop, I was actually trying to lift an old cable left behind from the Mississippi River Festival.

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Patrick the Future Failure

The SIUE campus has lots of different sculptures to keep us entertained. Here we see Patrick the Future Failure.

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Kage in a cage

No, she wasn’t trying out for “Showgirls 2: Maw Maw in Vegas.” Patrick noticed this and said, “Hey, we should put Kage in a cage.” So we did.

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Sasquatch on SIUE campus

While Kage was taking care of bidness, Patrick and I spotted the elusive Lukesquatch.

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Don’t forget about the SHITR on Saturday and the MLK2 ride next Saturday!  I hope to see you there!

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