Category Archives: Adam masturbates

CAC preview

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Good morning everyone, Bob Jenkins here, reporting to you via my new cell phone (gasps) regarding the status of CAC2, “The Second Coming”.

As one might expect, the recent snowfall has made course setup..interesting this year. Robby and I went out yesterday to hang our newly acquired and  totally legit CP markers

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Personally, I could not be more excited that we no longer have to walk thru the woods carrying lengths of pvc pipe to make orienteering flags.

Things are coming along nicely,  and I have no doubt that this year’s course will be both fun and challenging.

Of note, we placed a flag yesterday that will likely pivotal to CAC victory. It’ll take some savvy navigating to find, and you could literally be standing on top of it and not even know. In fact, I’m completely open to putting a wager on whether or not Team WTFAR will ever locate it on their own with no help or GPS.

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That right there is a natural rock arch. There’s no way Garrison is finding that thing.

In other news, a list of all required gear will be posted soon, and I hope you have some thorn-proof pants.

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In the darkness with “The Darkness”

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These days it seems like everybody’s too busy (or broke) to get out and race, and even when we do,we’re too busy afterwards to blog about it. With the recent shortage of quality posts, it occurs to me that our blog is quite idle. So while the following story isn’t my best work and doesn’t recount a race or something truly athletic..I think it’s worth talking about.

Due to a staffing issue in November/December, I was working just about everyday. So when I got a day off..I was going outside. On one such day, I was fortunate enough to have the same day off as my good friend Robby Brown, (aka The Darkness). This called for immediate action, so we made plans for an epic man-trip into the woods. Pretty exciting stuff if you ask me.

Prepping our gear at the trailhead, it was obvious that Robby had enough food and beer for the two of us.

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These woods are mostly foreign to Robby, save for the portion we used at Cedar Cross last year. It was fun to show off some of the cool landmarks I’ve found over the last 2 years, like this man-eating sinkhole.

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Hiking at a spirited pace, it took us about 40 minutes to reach the evening’s campsite. With an already-built fire ring and easy access to Cedar Creek, this is one of my favorite places to camp. We built the fire, emptied our beer cans and ate peanuts while the rest of the world dreaded going to work the next day. Many, many stories were told around the campfire and maybe even a few we should’ve kept to ourselves.

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In honor of Luke’s absence, I took a “stream photo” of Robby.  Don’t ask.

The beers were flowing like wine and our spirits were high:

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Sitting next to the fire, the moon was so bright we didn’t even need headlights. The wind was non-existent, so the flames and smoke all went straight up; it was pretty awesome if I do say so.

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Eventually we fell asleep,

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With the bottle still in my hand. Dad would be proud

and when morning came, it was to the tune of 2 well-deserved hangovers.

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Seems like it would’ve been a good idea to pack some water with all that beer..

Hiking out, I showed Robby a few places that may or may not be part of the CAC2.

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Todd Garrison will never find this rock ledge.

As we all know by now, the Cedar Creek trail is home to several trails that are not on the map. Typically, these trails begin and end at the same place, so when Robby and I got temporarily separated, (opposite sides of a creek), I told him to just keep hiking and eventually our paths would cross again.

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As my trail ascended a large hill, his cut across a low-lying creekbed several hundred feet away and then branched left. By the time I realized I was on a trail completely foreign to me, Robby was nowhere to be seen.

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Ok….where am I???

The trail I had taken came to an end in someone’s driveway. Seriously. I spoke with a man who happened to be standing in his yard, and he sent me on my way to the truck. I was only off by a couple hundred yards, and while it was exciting to find a new trail, I was somewhat concerned that Robby might take a wrong turn and never be seen again.

I got to the truck first and waited for about 5 minutes before I let myself panic. Leaving my gear in the truck, i got a drink of water and started running the trail. About 2 miles later I still hadn’t found him. That meant he was either back at the truck or halfway to Boydsville. Not really good news either way. Since I don’t own a cell phone, I had no way of calling him….until I ran across a pair of horseback riders.  I borrowed a phone from one of them and scrambled to the top of the nearest hilltop.

Robby: Hello?

Me: Robby, hey where are you?

Robby: I’m sitting at the truck waiting on your ass.

So, I ‘spose I did a bit of unnecessary trail running, but it worked itself out in the end.  Gotta love the Cedar Creek trail. 🙂

It’s Adam Laffoon’s Birthday

 

So, I just found out that it’s Adam’s birthday. I have no idea how old he is, but I’m sure he’s in a fancy restaurant right now singing Happy Birthday…to himself.

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Happy birthday, asshole.

And while I’m unaware of Adam’s age, I’d like to honor this day with the naming of a rock face I recently found near Cedar Creek. Since it so closely resembles a giant dick, I find it only fitting that it be a named after a giant dick. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the “Laffoon Stone.”

 

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Any resemblance of the Laffoonstone to an actual person’s inverted penis is purely coincidental and very, very sad.

And now I can look forward to CAC2, when I will place a control flag on top of the Laffoonstone and laugh as one by one, all our non-racers climb to the top of a penis-shaped rock.

The CAC Will Rise Again

Well folks, it’s that time of year again; time to start planning next year’s non-race. Approximately 5 months from now, (Pending the MDC announcing the last day of turkey season), “Carnage at the Creek” will make its triumphant return to Mid-Missouri. 

*Pause ten seconds for applause*

Just look at how happy our CAC made Team Wahoo last year.

Obviously, the race is still in its earliest stages of development. The one thing we know for certain is that there will be no mountain biking on horse-accessible trails this year…I promise. We’ve had with these damn horses and the trail of destruction they leave behind. All biking for the 2013 CAC  will take place on “horseless” singletrack  and gravel roads.

Team WTFAR/Tardy Rooster finishing the rowing leg in 2012.

The 2013 orienteering leg will include land features not used in previous non-races.  There may or may not be  a coasteering leg this time, a cave or two, and several other previously-unseen areas of the Mark Twain National Forest. Just know that it’ll be very, very fun. Did I mention I’ve found two natural rock arches out there?

The Two Tonic Knights; We hope to see you guys back in 2013.

While there will be several changes for 2013, one thing will remain the same: This will be the best adventure non-race in the midwest world. That’s right, I said the world. If you can find a free AR that’s better than ours, I’ll name my first child Adam Laffoon Jenkins. You heard it here first, if you can find a better FREE adventure race ANYWHERE, I will name my own child after this man:

This is probably what Adam is doing right now.

There will be free food, free beer, free camping before and after the race, free fart smelling in every tent, and I can personally guarantee that pork steaks will rain from the sky when the race is over.

The Nemeth Battalion at Transition

The only thing CAC2 non-racers will pay for is their map. we’ve paid for the maps in years past, but at $9 a piece they got pretty expensive last year. Still, $9 for a race like this is a steal. 

Something tells me Dave will be happy to find out we won’t be doing any rowing in 2013.

Race date is tentatively set for April 20th, 2013. That may or may not change, depending on the official end to hunting season. We pissed some turkey hunters off last year, and I’d like to avoid repeating that.

Kate “carb loading” before the CAC 2012

 

The Monster Ride is this Weekend!!

Jim Smith’s MKT endurance cruise to St. Charles is nearly upon us. Below is the link from monster-bicycles.com, (proud sponsor of the Cedar Cross).  Team TOG will be in attendance, and rumor has it they’ve pledged to pay for the first 7 rounds of beers. Kudos to those guys!

And now a word from this weekend’s Master of Ceremonies:

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It’s October, which means beautiful weather, changing leaves, and a celebration of booze across Missouri vineyards. What better way to enjoy these than a weekend of riding and camping on the KatyTrail through Missouri wine country with old and new friends? Answer: There isn’t one. 

So pump up your tires, knock the dust off of that tent, and join us for what promises to be a good time. This ride is open to anyone reading this, those not reading this, or anyone else that may hear anything about this….and those that don’t.

Details…

What: A ride on the KatyTrail with camping and merryment

When: Saturday Oct. 20-21

Where: The KatyTrail between Columbia, MO and St. Charles, MO.

Day 1, Oct 20: Columbia to Herman: 80ish miles (can be made shorter by meeting any point along the route)

I will roll out of FlatBranchPark in Columbia, MO around 7am and head to the KatyTrail via the MKT Nature Trail. I’ll head East on the KatyTrail to the North Jefferson City trailhead where I’ll pick up more riders around 10am. Anyone wanting to meet at any other trail head should just let me know. We’ll then continue east on the trail to Herman where we will camp and be merry.

Day 2, Oct 21: Herman to St. Charles: 65ish miles

In the morning after we break camp, those riders wishing to return to Jefferson City or Columbia will head back West on the trail, while I and anyone else wishing to continue onto St. Charles will head East.

Logistics: Though this is a group ride, it should be approached as a fully self supported ride. This means you should make plans on getting your own camping gear to Herman, as well as finding your own way home from your destination. There will be no sag support, bike shuttle, or aid stations. I’m sure we will be stopping at local businesses along the route to eat and refill water as needed, so bring some cash.

Riders should feel free to join in at any point along the KatyTrail to adjust the mileage for their comfort level. There are towns and trailheads nearly every 10 miles on the trail, so the possibilities are endless. Refer to www.bikekatytrail.com for details. There may also be some riders leaving from St. Charles on Sat. and returning on Sun. for anyone interested in that option.

Please leave a comment if you are interested in joining us, or with any questions or concerns. Hope to see you there!

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