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Category Archives: Dirty Kanza 200 Training

Adventure Stuff to Read While You’re Pretending to Work – 4/18/14

That’s right! This is a new series here on the Virtus Blog. First, though, I have to give props for this idea to my favorite strength and conditioning blogger, Tony Gentilcore. He’s hilarious, entertaining, and super smart when it comes to fitness. And yes, I totally ripped the idea off from him.

This idea is simple. We’ll post some cool shit related to adventure that we think you should check out. This first installment will be focused on The Cedar Cross since it’s coming up quick, but there’s still time to register!  It is a gravel race in Mid-Mo that is the perfect tune-up race for Dirty Kanza, and it’s one that you don’t want to miss. The race director isn’t half-bad either.

1. One Month to Go and Heavies Ride for Free – Bob Fuckin’ Jenkins

The Cedar Cross is the shit for many, many reasons. One of those reasons is our very own Bob Jenkins. A couple weeks ago, there was an ad on facebook basically making fun of an overweight rider, and it was despicable. Bob was moved to write this post and make Cedar Cross even more awesomer. Read it and see just how fantastic this race is going to be.

2. Cedar Cross 2013 Video – thebikeweiss

Okay, so this technically doesn’t require any reading, but you should still check it out. I don’t know the guy who made it, but it shows some great footage of the race from last year.

3. Cedar Cross 2012 Race Report – Casey F. Ryback

Here’s a great race report from our friend, Casey, from Team Seagal. It’s from the inaugural Cedar Cross way back in 2012. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll sign up for Cedar Cross 2014 and join in on all the fun.

Let us know what you think of the new series. Do you like it or does it suck? Should we continue or shitcan it?

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Let’s Suffer Alone Together Again – Super Century 3

My taint already hurts as I type these words, and you know what that means. That’s right, boys and girls. The Super Century is here, so it’s once again time for us to put on our Bad Idea Jeans and destroy our taints in the name of stupid challenges.

You can find out how the Super Century all started right here, but if you’re too lazy to click that link, I’ll give you the general idea of what the Super Century is:

  • What: a trainer ride of at least a metric century – 100 km (or 62 miles if you don’t want to do any mathematicizing)
  • When: Super Bowl Sunday – February 2nd at 8:00 AM Central (a later start this year!)
  • Why: Because we’re idiots and doing dumb stuff is fun… Sort of. And after the ride, we can eat whatever we want during the big game and not feel guilty.
  • Who: Anyone who is dumb enough to do this, and if you’re reading this, then that means YOU!
  • Where: Anywhere you want.  You can do it alone or get together with a group.
  • Other Options: Ride a metric century outside (although that’s not nearly as stupid); Do 100 or more pull ups; Ride the trainer for 100 minutes; Do 1000 bodyweight squats; Run 100 minutes; Some other stupid idea.
  • Hashtags to Use: #SuperCentury; #BadIdeas; #MyTaintHurts

Be sure to hit us up on our facebook page and/or Tweet at us with the above hashtags so we can all “enjoy” everyone else’s suffering while we are deep inside our own pain caves.  Post up photos, jokes, rants, videos or whatever else will entertain us  and distract us from our own misery.

Also, I’d love to hear some recommendations on what movies or shows to watch during the Super Century.  Winning choices from the previous two years are Step Brothers, Race Across the Sky, Ride the Divide, and The Big Lebowski.  So please give us some ideas for what we should watch.

This may be a terrible idea, but it’s also great mental training for Cedar Cross, The Ogre, and of course Dirty Kanza.  C’mon… You know you want to do it.  So, who’s joining us?

Oh No, Not Again! – The Super Century Part Deuce

Well, for those of you living in a cave, I’d like to make you aware of a little football game going down this Sunday.  We call it the Super Bowl.  And with the Super Bowl, comes Super Bowl parties which means way too much food and drink, which also means one of our worst ideas of all time is about to happen again.

Super Century is both brilliant and stupid.

Both signs point to the Super Century

There is something you can do as a preemptive strike on all of those calories.  And to all of you out there who say, “Just don’t eat any junk food or put anything into the holy temple that is your body,” I say SHUT YO’ MOUTH!  That’s just ridiculous.  I’m going to eat and drink whatever I want on Super Bowl Sunday, and no one is going to make me feel guilty about it.  After all, it’s what we do most of the time that matters, and most of the time I eat a healthy diet.  Sunday will not be one of those days, though.

Team Virtus is once again here to “help.”  It’s called the Super Century, and it is a really stupid and terribly awful idea – a virtual group trainer ride of at least 62 miles (a metric century).  Yes, I said it’s a TRAINER RIDE of 62 MILES OR MORE… INDOORS!  Want to know how it all came about last year?  Then check this out.

Thumbs down to the Super Century

Super Kage giving the first annual Super Century a thumbs down.

Last year, the first annual Super Century was a taint-smashing success.  Not only did we have riders from all over the country, but we had some lunatics doing some crazy things instead of the trainer ride so we could all suffer together thousands of miles apart (check it out).  So don’t be shy.  If you want to join us, just leave us a comment below.

There aren’t any real rules.  Just hop on a trainer (borrow one if you must), and pedal for 100 kilometers.  You can even ride outside if you want to.  Or you can try to come up with an equally stupid challenge.  No idiot will be turned away.

Be sure to check us out on Facebook and Twitter for updates, photos, smack-talk, and other tomfoolery.  Last year we even had “#supercentury” trending in the St. Louis area last year.  So if you are stupid awesome and brave enough to join us in this horrible “group” ride, be sure to use the #supercentury hashtag so we can see it.  I’ve also set up a challenge on Daily Mile which you can find right here.

I’ll be starting at 6:00 AM Central Time again this year since I have to work at 11:30.  If you want to be able to “chat” with us via facebook and twitter, you should be riding sometime between 6:00 AM and 10:30 AM CDT.  I hope to be done in 4 hours or so, but we’ll see.

So… Seriously, it was one of the worst things I did last year, yet it was one of the best things I did last year (Here is my terrible blog post about it).  It’s hard to describe just how terrible and awesome it really was, so you should just join us and find out for yourself.  Yes, YOU!  And if you’re preparing for the Dirty Kanza, the OGRE or Cedar Cross, then you should DEFINITELY join us since it will not only train your legs and taint, it will train your mind!

Leave us a comment if you want to join us, if you have questions, and especially if you have any movie recommendations to help me block out the pain in my ass.

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Follow the Dirty Half-Dozen at the Dirty Kanza 200 THIS WEEKEND!

We will be sending 5 of our finest Virtusans and Adam to Emporia Kansas this weekend for the 2012 version of The Dirty Kanza 200.  Robby “The Darkness” Brown, Kate “Rage Kage” Geisen, Bob “BLD” Jenkins, Casey “The Anchorman / Pace Center” Lamb, Adam “The Prospector” Laffoon, and me, Luke Lamb will take on 200+ miles of gravel this weekend.

Robby and I teamed up last year, and Robby completed his half of the ride.  However, I was not man enough to thwart Mother Nature (read about it here), and we got a big, fat DNF.  Bob has attempted this race twice, in 2010 and again in 2011, and both times he pulled out at the second checkpoint at roughly 100 miles.  The rest of our rag-tag group of riders has never attempted the DK200 before.

We’re as ready as we’re going to be at this point, but can you really ever be ready for this event?  We’ve trained much more this year than we have for anything before, as evidenced by the video below, but will it be enough?

At least watch this video at the 5:20 mark for a good laugh:

At the Dirty Kanza, the heat, wind, and (God-forbid) rain can end even the strongest rider’s day.  Roughly only 20% of the riders finished the race last two years, so the odds are definitely stacked against.

One thing going for us, though, is our awesome support crew.  Austin Lamb (Casey’s son), Michell Hughey (Adam’s common-law wife), and Becca Lamb (my amazing wife) will be helping us at every checkpoint, and we can’t thank them enough.  They’ll have their work cut out for them, but we have the utmost confidence in them.

If you want to check in on the race, you have a few options.  First, you can check out our Facebook page and/or our Twitter page.  We’ll try to update it as often as possible.  You can also go to www.dirtykanzalive.com to see live coverage of the starting line, commentary, and other great stuff with a concentration on the final 40 miles of the race.  This should be very cool, so be sure to check it out.  Also, an Emporia radio station will be broadcasting live from the Checkpoints throughout the race, and you can listen to it live online by going to http://kiss1031.net/.

You should also keep an eye out for lots of our friends riding the Dirty Kanza on Saturday: Jim Smith from Monster Bicycle Co., the Orange Lederhosen Boys, Justin Nemeth, Travis Hammons, Jim and Wendy Davis, the Team Red Wheel crew, and I’m sure there are others that I’m forgetting.

We’re pretty damn excited.  Let’s just hope we have good weather.  Wish us luck!  We’ll definitely need it.

P.S. – For those of you new to this blog, I’d like to point out that we really like to have a good time at Adam’s expense.  We fire him from the team constantly, and he is the butt of many of our jokes.  I would like to make it known publicly that he is an asset to our team, and we really do love the guy.  It’s just too much fun busting his balls.  So he’s fired again for asking me to write this disclaimer.

Dirty Kanza Weather Forecast

Day Jun 2

Partly Cloudy84°FHighPartly Cloudy

Chance of rain: 20%
Wind: S at 10 mph
Humidity: 64%
——————————————————
I’m sorry, but I’m calling bullshit on this one. My weather prediction is as follows:
 
High Temp: 108°F
 
Cloud cover: That would mean we’d have shade…and we all know there will be none of that.
 
Winds: Most likely the wind will be blowing out of the North, South, East and West depending on which direction we’re riding
 
Humidity: What humidity? There isn’t enough Chamois Butt’r on the planet to prepare for what’s waiting out there.
 
I think it’d be fun if we all threw $5 in a hat and whoever makes it the furthest wins the money.
 

Let the carb-loading begin

 
 
 
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