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The Hardest CAC …….. Post I’ve Ever had to Write

It is with great sadness that I must inform you that we will not be providing you with free CAC. We originally planned to pleasure all of you with our CAC on April 5th, but that just isn’t going to happen.

Crying over our CAC

Sorry, James Van Der Beek. No CAC for you.

Whether you believe it or not, Bob and I have poured a crap-ton of work, not to mention our hearts and souls, into working on our CAC last year as well as the year before, the Deuce 3 years ago, and the First Team Virtus Non-Race the year before that (clearly we didn’t come up with good names for our Adventure Non-Races until the second year).

We’ve spent a lot of time away from our families as well as quite a bit of our own money to give you the best, free non-racing experience we could.

And we’ve loved every damn minute of it.

But we just don’t have time to get our CAC polished and ready by April 5th. Bob is now living in Ellisville and remodeling his house there, and my life is crazier and busier than ever with kid activities and other miscellaneous miscellany. It’s been really difficult for us to put our heads together and really work hard on our CAC.

Mmmm...

Bob likes to use all of his senses when working on his CAC. This photo was taken on a scouting trip from last year, and it was not staged. For real. Bob just really enjoys tubed meat.

 

So we’ve decided to postpone the CAC this year. We did not come to this decision lightly. We toyed with the idea of changing venues. We thought about using a permanent Trim course at Rock Bridge or Rockwoods Range to save us some time and hassle. We even considered doing an Urban Adventure Non-Race. We’ve thought about a lot of different ways we could provide you with our CAC again this year.

But in the end, we figured no one would want a soft, lifeless CAC, and we don’t want to offer you anything half-assed. And that’s exactly what it would have been if we had tried to put it together by April 5th.

We sincerely apologize. We hope you don’t hate us. And we hope we haven’t messed up anyone’s plans.

We’re still considering doing the Cinco-De-CAC-O (it would be our fifth year!) sometime later this year. If you’d be interested in that, please let us know in the comments. If there’s not much interest, we won’t waste our time.

We’ve also considered just doing a campout at Pine Ridge or somewhere else the weekend of April 5th just to get together and ride/drink/eat half-priced-meat together (Maybe at Two Rivers?). So let us know if you’d be down for anything like that as well.

Again, we apologize. We hope you can forgive us. We hope you don’t hate us forever.

Seriously. Please let us know if you want to see our CAC at a later date and if you’d want to get together somewhere the first weekend of April. Do it! Leave us a comment.

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CAC Attack!

As Bob noted in his last post, the best adventure non-race in the world, Carnage at the Creek (CAC), will happen again in 2013.  We aren’t quite sure on the date yet, but we’ll keep you posted on that front.  What I want to share with you today, though, is pretty disturbing.

It has come to our attention that our beloved CAC had come under a vicious and unprovoked attack.  No, I’m not kidding.  And I know what you’re thinking:

But how could this be?

Who would possibly attack a CAC that has given so many people pleasure?

I thought everyone loved CAC.

Well, that’s what we thought too.  But take a look at this:

Clearly, Todd from Whiskey Tango Foxtrot has some issues with the 2012 version of the CAC.  I’d like to defend my CAC since it is so precious to me.  So please watch the video above and then read my point-by-point rebuttal below.

Point 1: The Hike-a-Bike Section – This section may not have been “fun.”  I can admit that.  However, there are always parts of every adventure race where you think, “This sucks.  I’m never doing this again.”  But then you look back at it later and realize it was awesome… Unless you’re a wimpy Packers fan like Todd is.

Point 2: Getting Lost On the Way to the Race – Out of all the racers, volunteers, and super sexy race directors – over 30 people in all – only two people got lost.  Can you guess who they were?  I’ll give you a hint: Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.  That’s right, Brian and Todd. (And I love the fact that Todd risked his life for this shot.)

Point 3: Local Turkey Hunters – Well, there isn’t much to say about this one.  Yes, it was turkey season.  Yes, there was one disgruntled hunter.  But he was probably more irritated with the 200 Bushcrafters in the area that weekend.  Besides, it’s not like anyone was shot.

Point 4: Ticks in MO – Missouri isn’t the only state with ticks.  Maybe Todd had more than his fair share of ticks, but that’s understandable.  Everyone knows that Ticks are attracted to high levels of estrogen. (Todd’s rockin’ a sweet hat, by the way.)

Point 5: SuperKate Sleeps Like a Baby – Okay, I can’t really say anything about this one either.  I’ve heard her snore, and it’s amazing that such a delicate, little flower could produce such a horrendous sound.  Perhaps she’s developed sleep apnea in her old age.

Point 6: Proximity of Jefferson City to Iowa – Nothing I can do about this one.  Maybe if someone put on an adventure non-race in Iowa, we would travel to that hell-hole.

Point 7: Snakes – It’s common knowledge that snakes, like ticks, are attracted to estrogen.  (A very nice touch sitting on the toilet in this shot.)

Point 8: Bad Singletrack – I don’t get this one.  I think the singletrack is easy and fun, but I guess I have a basic understanding of how my bike works and at least a modicum of athletic ability.

Point 9: Half-Priced Beef – I ate this questionable meat, and it truly was delicious.  And I didn’t get sick.  Man up, Todd. (That brownie looked delicious in this scene.)

Point 10: Bob Jenkins and Lukas Lamb are Sick SOB’s – What can I say?  We tried to emulate the sickest, most sadistic race director we know – Gerry Voelliger.

Point 11: Smelly Rowboats – Coming from someone who lives in the middle of Iowa, a state most well-known for the stench of pig poop, this makes no sense.

Point 12: ??????? – There was no point #12, but don’t think I didn’t notice that hideous Cheese Head in this shot.  You’ll pay, Todd Garrison.  Oh, you’ll pay.

Porn Stache

I think this weak attempt at a stache is Todd’s way of compensating for lacking in other areas.

Obviously, all of Todd’s issues with our CAC are unfounded.  For the rest of you, don’t worry.  The CAC will be back sometime in April (probably) 2013.  It will be bigger, longer, harder, and, as Todd said, maybe even bushier.  Please don’t listen to Todd.  He clearly has a case of CAC-envy.

 

 

 

CAC Results and Split Times

The CAC Adventure Non-Race has come and gone.  A full non-race report will be coming soon… Or will it?

I had a really great weekend (other than giving myself an ulcer by worrying about every single person out on the race course until everyone was finished and accounted for).  I hope everyone involved, from the non-racers to the volunteers to the friends and family, enjoyed themselves as well.

Below you will find the non-results for the Carnage at the Creek non-race.  Teams are non-ranked by time if all 13 CP’s were gotten, and then by total # of CP’s.  In a couple of instances, teams are ranked behind another team with less total CP’s because of a missed time-cutoff.  If you want to argue the results, you have 30 seconds from the time you read this to file a formal complaint.  Seriously, though, if I made a mistake, please let me know about it, and I’ll try to make it right.

With the boat situation at the end, we had a couple of solos use a kayak.  Yes, they are indeed faster than a rowboat.  We tried to make the most out of what we had to work with.  I made a note for those that used a kayak.

Okay, I think that just about covers everything.  So, here you go.  Just click on the image to enlarge the CAC… results (Oh, and just so you know, the race started at 9:10 am):

CAC Results and Splits

 

Last Minute Update on the CAC

The time has finally come!  Tomorrow, 13 teams will descend upon the Mid-Mo area for the greatest Adventure Non-Race in the history of adventure non-races produced by Team Virtus on April 21st, 2012.  Be excited.  Be very excited.

Tomorrow Bob and I will place the last 22 CP’s in the woods and finalize setting up the course.  Everything should be ready to go by the time anyone gets to the Pine Ridge Campground.  I just wanted to give a few last minute details to all of you non-racers and any other Virtusites out there.

First of all, for all of you that can’t make it (or are too scared to make it) to the CAC this weekend, we’ll be tweeting updates as often as we can, provided we have cell phone service which is hit or miss out there.  If you want to follow along, be sure to follow us on Twitter and/or like us on Facebook.

Now, on to the info regarding the actual non-race…

There is an area that Bob and I like to call the Bermuda Triangle of Cedar Creek.  If you’re not very careful, you will become completely lost.  This part of the trail is not marked very well at all.  Nor is it maintained very well… as in, not at all.  Bob and I have marked the worst part of the trail with small strips of bright pink tape.  And where the trail has been re-routed, we marked it like this:

marking an adventure race course

You can't possibly miss it.

For the rest of the CAC, though, you’re on your own.  This will be the only help you’ll receive.  We just want to make sure that nobody’s race is ruined because of a poorly maintained trail.

One other thing about the trail.  There are a lot of fences out there.  You may cross almost all of them.  You see, even though you will be non-racing through Mark Twain National Forest, cows are allowed to graze in the area.  Most of the fences you will see are not on property lines.  They are simply to prevent the cattle from, oh say… drowning in a deep pond… or doing a header off of a cliff.  So unless you see a “private property” sign or a blaze of purple paint, assume you are indeed on National Forest land.

Keep Out Sign

Keep out to the right, but straight ahead is okay.

The above photo shows part of the “Bermuda Triangle” area.  The “Keep Out” sign is a bit misleading.  At first glance, it looks like you’d be trespassing if you continued on your way, right?  Well, you’d be wrong.  To the right of the sign is private property.  To the left of the sign is public property.  And if you look closely, you’ll see the pink tape that we used to mark the trail.

One last note on the non-race.  Your feet may get wet.  I just thought you might want to know that.

I think that was all I really needed to share with everyone.  The forecast looks great as of now, so keep your fingers crossed on that front. Get it?  On that “front”… Get it?  I was talking about weather and then said something about a “front.”  I know.  Pretty hilarious.

We’ll have more info for you at the pre-non-race non-meeting on non-race morning.  If you have any non-questions between now and then, feel free to email us or post a comment for us.

I hope you’ve all been training hard, and I hope you’re ready for the time of your life.  See you soon, friends.  See you soon.

 

 

 

 

The CAC Is So Close, You Can Almost Taste It!

Get excited, everybody.  The CAC is only a few short days away!  What’s the CAC, you ask?  Well, if you don’t know what the CAC is, then you really need to get out more.  You can get caught up here, here, and here. All caught up?  Great.  Let’s continue.

Bob and I have been working really hard on the CAC.  Day in and day out, we’ve been slaving over this CAC.  Why?  Well, to bring you the best non-racing experience ever, of course!

Map Work for the CAC Adventure Race

Gettin' ready for our epic, week-long journey setting up the CAC course.

Scouting for and planning the course for this year’s adventure non-race has been a ton of fun.  Setting the course up, however, has been a struggle.  It took us just a wee bit longer than we thought it would.  Bob and I were in the woods for seven days straight just placing all the CP’s in the correct locations.  We battled heat, rain, cold, hunger, thirst, wild animals, and each other over the last week.  Don’t believe me?  Well look at this:

Now do you believe me?  After all the hard work and several near-death experiences, we only have a few control markers left to hang, and we’ll take care of those in the next day or two.  And in case you missed it on our facebook page, the control markers will look like this:

Homemade Control Marker for Orienteering

It'll give you fresh breath, too!

After we were finally done, Bob and I finally got to reward ourselves with a long-awaited packrafting trip down storm-swollen Cedar Creek.  It was the perfect ending to a long, hard CAC preparation expedition.

Pack Rafting in a Flytepacker

Way too much fun.

What else could possibly make the CAC better?  How ’bout a potluck?  Rumor has it that Todd from the Hoosier Daddies is going to bring some brats, Kage is bringing some cookies, and we’ll be providing some baked potatoes and toppings.  If you wanna bring a dish too, that’d be fantastic, but definitely not mandatory.

Anyway, I hope you’ve been training hard.  This just might be the best adventure non-race of all time, and I’m not exaggerating at all.  It’s going to be amazing.

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