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The 2015 Thunder Rolls Race Report Part 1: The WTFAR-TUS Debut

**NOTE: This race report was written by me (Luke) with commentary added by Kate in Blue, Chuck in Green, and Brian in Red. If I feel like it, I might even add a response or two in Purple.

At one point, we thought we were going to have 6 Virtusans and a Whiskey Tango Foxtrot-er going to the premiere Adventure Race in the Midwest – nay, the nation – nay, the world! – The Thunder Rolls 24-hour AR. We were planning on showing up en masse to dominate all our competitors.

The Thunder Rolls Adventure Race

That was the plan, but I’m sure we’ve all heard this line from Steinbeck: “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” (And before any of you literary snobs chime in to tell me it was originally “The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft agley” from the Robert Burns poem To a Mouse, just know that nobody cares.)

When it came time to sign up for the race, we were down to Kate, Chuck, Brian from WTFAR, and myself. Brian needed to leave the race early to help his dad celebrate his 70th birthday party. So Kate and Chuck raced as Team Virtus, and Brian and I paired up as the formidable Team WTFAR-Tus (Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Adventure Racing + Virtus = WTFAR-Tus). We signed up as solos, though, so when he had to split, I could continue on with Kate and Chuck to suffer and enjoy the rest of the race.

Even though we were signed up as solos, we only took one passport since we were a team. In our hearts and minds we were racing togehter as Team WTFAR-Tus. We were racing as teammates. We were racing as brothers.

Brian: You guys need to understand, I wouldn’t be a top notch mediocre adventure racer if it wasn’t for Team Virtus. I  remember fondly the cold January day where I sat in my comfy chair with a blanket and coffee reading their first adventures of rappelling at Camp Gerry. My hands got sweaty from fear as I moved from paragraph to paragraph but finally I came to the conclusion if those idiots could become the Midwest’s greatest team then maybe I could at least survive.  And now I’m racing WITH them? I’d compare it to being a kid who got to invite Batman, He-Man, Daisy Duke, Fat Elvis, and a Dino bot to his birthday party. So yeah, I was stoked.

We even look like brothers! Sort of...

We even look like brothers! Sort of.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

The Part Where We Drive to the Race

Part of the fun of a big race is the road trip. I can’t begin to tell you how many stories and jokes we have from previous road trips alone. For example, on one long road trip we learned that “Twister” is one of Robby “The Darkness” Brown’s all-time favorite movies. Seriously.

So I was stoked that Kate and Chuck were willing to wait for me to get off work at 9:00 so I could meet up with Chuck and then pick up Kate along the way. We piled into Chuck’s Adventure Jeep and much laughing and farting ensued. Unfortunately, Brian had to ride up to the Adventure Racing paradise that is Camp Benson by himself.

Road Trip to The Thunder Rolls Adventure Race

I let Kate have shotgun because I respect my elders.

Chuck:  At some point during the drive Luke spotted the big Gerber knife on the rollbar and had to check it out.  The sheath has a tight fit, so you really gotta pull to get it out.  I don’t even want to know how close it came to stabbing me in the neck when it popped loose.

Luke: The Adventure Jeep is a badass vehicle and that knife makes it even more so. And yes, I may have almost stabbed both Chuck and Kate once or twice.

Brian: SuperChuck…the most interesting adventure racer in the world.

On any road trip, we try to honor Bob’s rule of “No Chain Restaurants” whether he’s not with us or not, and in this case he most certainly was not with us since his brother was getting married (a valid excuse – family first, right?). Bob’s dining rule has resulted in some hilariously bad dining experiences as well as some really good ones. Fate was smiling down on us, though, when Chuck spotted a sign for Crossroads Diner.

This little diner didn’t look like much from the outside, and the interior followed suit. Even with Kate at our table, we brought the average age of the diners down substantially. Chuck and I ordered their specialty: Pork Tenderloin Sandwich with Fries. Kate, however, ordered a cheeseburger with onion straws, and then she decided to be a pain in the ass and substitute onion rings for her fries.

Ho-lee shit! We were not disappointed. Our tenderloins and Kate’s onion rings were hand-breaded in their delicious proprietary, super secret breading, and the portions were effing huge! Take a look:

burger and hand-breaded onion rings

Whether or not Kate planned to use these onions against Chuck much later is still up for debate.

hand-breaded pork tenderloin sandwich

If you flattened the tenderloin, it was almost twice as big as the bun.


Chuck: That picture is a lie.  The tenderloin looked so much bigger in real life.  I swear it was the size of an elephant ear.

Brian: I had lunch at Wendys, thanks for asking.

It was so freakin’ good! Seriously. If you’re ever near Mt. Olive, Illinois, you should stop. Just be aware that the bathroom doors are wicked-narrow. For real.

The Part Where We Prepare Ourselves

We arrived at Camp Benson, and Brian, who arrived before us, was nowhere to be seen. I really thought he’d be there waiting to greet us with a giant bear hug or something, but I was mistaken.

We checked in and got our schwag bag which was literally a bag this year – a cool littler cooler/duffle bag with Zanfel and BOETJE’S MUSTARD OMG OMG!!! and a few other things.

Chuck:  And did you hear Gerry say they now have a bourbon barrel aged Boetje’s Mustard?!  We HAVE to find some!

Luke: Yup! We need to make a sammich with the Boetje’s Bourbon Mustard and pair it with your homemade whiskey, Chuck!

Then we headed down to our cabin assuming we’d find Brian taking a nap or doing push-ups or something. No such luck. But we soon found him as we were walking back to the main lodge for the pre-race pasta dinner.

Brian: I was sitting by my car preparing my gear patiently waiting for my teammate’s to arrive. I wish they would create some sort of typing device that one could use to send a message to someone else that could arrive almost instantly. That way I would have know they had arrived. I guess the technology just isn’t there yet…

It had been WAY too long since we’d seen BVW (or as we started calling him, The Beev – another gem from the road trip), and it was great to see his model-like face and rockin’ body. We stuffed our faces as we laughed our asses off catching up with each other and seeing many of our AR friends. Then it was time for the pre-race meeting out in the new amphitheater.

Camp Benson Amphitheater

Camp Benson just keeps getting better with additions like this every year.

After Gerry Voelliger finished scaring the shit out of us with tales of how epic and real the rappel and the rest of the course were, we got our maps and began to plot our points and stategerize our impending doom domination.

Plotting UTM's at Thunder Rolls Adventure Race

Brian was shocked at how easy the course looked.

Being the Den Mother she is, Kate was nice enough to write the clue for each checkpoint in the corresponding box on our passports. Kate read the UTM coordinates to Chuck who plotted them. Brian did likewise for me. And then we all planned our route together.

After a final bathroom stop, we got all our maps gathered up and headed out of the lodge.

Pooping in urinal

When you gotta go, you gotta go. (No actual poop was pooped into the urinal)

It was time to head out to the Adventure Jeep and get our shit together. The race was starting at midnight which left just a couple hours to get ready.

The Part Where I Was an Ungrateful Dick

I found myself alone by the Adventure Jeep, going through my gear and figuring out what I’d need to take with me at the start of the race. I’m not sure where Chuck and Kate were, but The Beev had gone to his car to get his kayak paddles.

Out of the darkness, BVW appears and hands me a wad of black fabric.

“What’s this?” I said.

“Open it,” said he.

I unroll the fabric to see the inside of a black hoodie.

“What is it?” I said.

“Turn it around,” said he.

I turn it around to see that it is Brian’s North Face hoodie from 2012 The Thunder Rolls. Now before I tell you this next part, let me preface it by telling you how much I LOVED my hoodie from that year.

Yes, I said I loved my hoodie as in past tense. As in, I no longer have it because while I was pacing my brother at the Leadville 100, I loaned it to another runner who was freezing her ass off. She gave it to someone at the next aid station, but I never saw it again. It was my absolute favorite hoodie in the world from one of my favorite race experiences of all time.

It killed me to lose it. My wife and mom tried to surprise me by finding a replacement for me. They actually scoured the web and contacted Leadville HQ to see if it had turned up. They even contacted Gerry to see if he had any extras or possibly knew how to get another one. But alas, there was no way to get my hoodie back.

Best Hoodie ever from Thunder Rolls AR

So damn happy.

It’s actually been a long-running joke. Every time Kate or Bob wear their hoodie, they ask me about mine. And each time, a small part of me dies. And now Brian was in on the joke, flaunting his hoodie in front of me.

“Ha ha, you asshole. Yeah, yeah. I don’t have mine anymore. Good one,” I said.

“No, you idiot! I’m giving it to you!”

Well, I felt like an ass. I couldn’t accept this unbelievable gift, though. I tried to give it back, but he wasn’t having any of it. And since he’s the size of Sasquatch, I couldn’t force him to take it back.

“It doesn’t fit me anyway,” he said (which I’m pretty sure is a lie). “Besides, I appreciate your friendship.”

With those words, I was left speechless – a rarity indeed. I should have said a lot of things, but nothing came to mind. I hope I said, “Thanks,” but I’m not sure I did. Like I said, I didn’t know what to say. And we were scrambling to get all our shit together, so if I didn’t show my gratitude at the time, I’m doing so now.

Brian, thank you. Seriously. Thank you.

Brian: (Cue the sappy music…) You lost your hoodie being a good human, it was the least I could do. You’re welcome my friend… And now you can point out how big of assholes Bob and Kate are/were for taunting you so much.

Kate: And now you’ve spoiled one of our favorite ways of tormenting Luke, which makes you the asshole. Thanks a lot.

Luke: Yeah. What a bunch of jerks. I’d never make fun of them for something. And thanks again, man!

The Part Where We Start: Biking, Coasteering, & Fixed Ropes

With our PFD’s, paddles, and other appropriate gear loaded onto the truck to be taken to the canoe put-in, we lined up in the back of the pack at the starting line – you know, to give some of the other teams a chance to get ahead of us.

Start of 2015 Thunder Rolls Adventure Race

Crappy photo of an awesome team.

The pre-race group photo was taken, the National Anthem was played, and the race started with a short ride down to the river for some Coasteering to find the first 5 CP’s in any order.

Brian had put a new chain on his bike just before the race. He did not, however, change the cassette which caused his gears to jump all over the place. This would be an ongoing issue throughout the race, and it’s a mistake none of us will make again in the near future.

We rode a mile or so down to the river. There was a steep, rocky section where I almost ran over someone half-walking on one foot, half-riding with the other, so I had to stop and walk my bike for the last section.

Kate: I’d wanted to be in the back of the group at the start just so we didn’t have to be in the middle of a pack of people all crushing onto the doubletrack at the same time; instead, we ended up behind the people who felt the least comfortable riding it.

Brian and I caught up to Kate and Chuck, and we entered the river. We decided to first go to the farthest checkpoint away, perhaps grabbing the CP in the cave if there weren’t too many teams there. With just one team exiting the cave as we approached, we headed into the cave.

I snapped a few photos of the others entering the cave, but none of them turned out. I climbed into the cave just in time to see BVW’s powerful ass backing out of a side crevice. Kate had sent him down that small chute to make sure the CP wasn’t in there as it was one year.

Kate: I was trying to be nice and save him the extra walking if the CP turned out to be close, but I should have known Gerry wouldn’t put it there two years in a row.

I love this cave. It’s cold, and the water at the bottom is even colder. The bats are super cool, unless they repeatedly hit you in the face like they did to Brian. For some reason they were attracted to him. Maybe it was the bat pheromones we secretly sprayed on him before the race. Or maybe it’s just because he’s so damn handsome.

Brian: I took two bats off the helmet, and when the second one hit, my head lamp flipped down onto my face, making me think I had a bat stuck to my face. I screamed like a scared baby…I mean, damn, that bat was lucky I didn’t turn it into bat and urine stew.


BVW in the cave at Thunder Rolls AR

If you were a bat, wouldn’t you want to hit him in the face too? With this picture all we needed was a chopped-up door to recreate a scene from The Shining

At a couple points, the cave was quite narrow, forcing Brian to crawl (insert Kate’s short-joke about me here). The cave is pretty deep (200 feet? 300 feet?), and it’s just so damn cool. One of my favorite parts of any race.

It turns out the CP was almost all the way in the very back of the cave. We squeezed past Chuck and Kate in one of the not quite as narrow parts of the cave after they punched their passport so we could punch ours.

The Cave at Camp Benson

Screenshot from Brian’s audition for The Walking Dead.

Brian: Please note the 2012 tshirt commerating my glorious victory over THE Bob Jenkins in our tetherball match.  He may have destroyed me in every match since, but at least I have a cool shirt from my lone victory. Man, that guy can tetherball.

Luke: That’s not exactly how I remember it, but since you gave me your hoodie, this is how I’ll remember it from now on.

After the cave, we headed over to the Ascending CP. On the way, we grabbed CP 4 which was up a little ways in a creek bed. Chuck was spot on finding this one.

From CP4, we headed over to CP 5 for the ascent. There was quite a line. In hindsight, we would have been better off going to get the other ones and then coming back to this one, but we decided to wait. I think we waited in line for 45 minutes or so.

Brian and I already had our harnesses on so we’d be ready. Chuck and Kate waited to put theirs on, assuming (correctly) that they’d have time to do so while waiting in line.

And that’s when it happened…

There was no warning. There was no sound. There was just a smell. A smell so foul, we heard Sasquatch himself shriek in horror as he ran away. Poor Chuck got the worst of it. And I actually caught the moment on film. Well, I guess I caught it on a memory card since film is pretty much dead, but I digress. Back to the stench…

Here we see the the exact moment when it happened:

Kate Busting Ass at Thunder Rolls Adventure Race

Poor Chuck and Brian are oblivious to the fact that Kate is pushing out the nastiest fart known to Team Virtus.

It hit Chuck first since his face was so near the source – with his mouth open and everything.

“Oh my God! What the hell is that,” Chuck said in disgust.

Then it hit Brian. “Holy shit! That’s worse than Bob Jenkins’s ass!”

In this next photo you can see the reaction to the awful event – Chuck is trying to stay upright without passing out, and Brian is unsure if he should breath through his nose and smell it or through his mouth and taste it:

Chuck: We’ll never get her to admit it, but I bet this stealth attack was a carefully planned and well-played act of revenge. God knows she owes us.

Luke: This is true. She definitely owes us, but this one made up a lot of ground. Let’s never let her eat onion rings before a race again.

Brian: Wow. Sometimes the nicest people do the nastiest things (allegedly). My nostrils still burn thinking of that.

Kate's stench

Kate clearly enjoyed this moment while the rest of us did not.

It was finally our turn, and although the ascent was by no means easy (unless your name is Wes Black who literally flew up on the rope next to me faster than anyone I’ve ever seen – literally), but it wasn’t awful either. Kate went up first followed by Chuck, myself, and then Brian.

Ascending at Thunder Rolls AR

Kate going up as Chuck adds weight to the rope to get her started.

At the top, Kate realized she had forgotten to put her Town Hall inside her the walls of her war village and our war was about to start. She checked her phone to see if she had a signal, and she made it right with no time to spare. It turns out we lost that war, but we survived to fight another day. And for those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, you haven’t had the pleasure and shear joy of playing Clash of Clans with your team. No, it’s not dorky. It’s the coolest thing in the world. Jenkins Clan 4EVA!!!

Clash of Clans Kate at TR

A valiant effort in a losing battle.

Brian made short work of the ascending, and we headed out. In hindsight, we should have given Brian a few minutes to recover here. He said he was fine, but the rest of us had anywhere from 10 – 20 minutes of rest at the top. Having never raced with Brian, I didn’t insist that we stop, and I should have. Sorry, Brian!

Brian: I did NOT make quick work of that ascend. Those guys were high on Kate’s fart. My form sucks, I went all arms and tired out quickly. Luckily we weren’t on the straight overhang rope, so I had a few rocky outcroppings to rest on. The first one I stopped at looked like it had poison ivy all over it. I sighed, said f#$k it, and rested on it anyway. My gross ooze covered arm now reminds me of that stupid decision. And…I should have taken them up on the rest offer. Moving 500 lbs of ass up a rope is hard work, and I struggled for 15-20 minutes after that as my team took off like jackrabbits.

Luke: I don’t think we’ve ever been called jackrabbits before. I’m all arms too when ascending. This is something I need to work on.

Anywho… We found our way back down to the river and soon reached the rappel. Again, in hindsight we should have gone and gotten CP 1 before rappelling, but we didn’t. We ended up waiting in line for the rappel for another 45 min or so, but that’s what happens sometimes when you’re not one of the faster teams.

I’m really glad we did this rappel at night. We had to walk across a knife’s edge (clipped into a safety line of course) just to get to the small table top where we would begin the rappel. It would have been much more terrifying in the daylight with the ability to see how far the sheer drop off on each side was.

Chuck went down first, and then it was my turn. It’s always reassuring to have LE and April helping out on the rappel, and then to have G Scott at the very top was even more reassuring. We literally trust these people with our lives, and not only are they superb instructors, they are super awesome people.

As I sat on the table top with G Scott, he said, “Oh boy. You have a Figure 8.”


“You’re going to have to listen to me very carefully and do exactly as I say,” he said.

*WTF?! I’m going to die! Why didn’t I bring my ATC instead of this stupid Figure 8?! Why?! WHY?!*

“You need to make sure you keep tension on both sides of the rope or this rope will come up over the top of the Figure 8 and you’ll get bound up.”

*Okay, so I might not die. I’ll just get stuck on the rope. That’s not so bad, I guess. Phew.*

To say I paid very close attention to G Scott’s fine instructions is an understatement. It would be like saying the Green Bay Packers only sort of suck when in reality they suck more than any other team ever in the history of sports.

Kate: I didn’t hear the conversation, but I heard G Scott’s tone and its seriousness threw me; it’s how he always sounds when talking me through my fear of heights, and I know Luke isn’t nearly as scared as I am.

Brian: I had a figure 8 too, so my story mirrors Luke. I thought I was going to die. Especially as I crawled my Sasquatch body to the edge and then spun around on my stomach while having G Scott repeat everything numerous times because my wife tells me I never listen and I thought I should REALLY pay attention in this case. So scary and fun. 

Rappel at Thunder Rolls 2015

This is what the top looked like in the daylight. And that is superstar Jonas rappeling. He’s 8 years old! (Photo Credit: Jon VanDis)

Like always, once I sat back into my harness and felt the rope hold my fat ass, I was fine, and the rappel was a lot of fun. We got to see our friends and super-volunteers, Dave and Leisha Huntley, on a small ledge near the bottom before we continued downward into the river.

Kate and Brian came on down with no problems, and then it was up a beautiful creek bed to find CP 1 before heading back on our bikes to the TA at Camp Benson where we changed into dry clothes and headed out on our bikes again.

The Part Where We Bike and Everyone “Helps”

Dry socks and shoes felt wonderful, but the air was cool. It was hard to regulate our body temperature. The climbs would leave us sweaty, and the downhills would leave us chilled.

The hills were particularly fun for Brian who was had only 1 or 2 gears that wouldn’t skip and jump all over the place. Remember that part earlier about him changing his chain but not the cassette? Well, now he was paying the price. But he never complained, and he kept up just fine. He’s basically a stud.

Brian: I’m so bike stupid. I was always a bit behind the whole ride, but tried to stay with them the best I could. It was mildly disappointing as I had trained pretty hard on the bike.

Luke: You kept up just fine. Especially considering your chain issue.

We got the first CP or two with no problems. One of them was under a bridge:

Thunder Rolls Bridge Checkpoint

Kate was the Virtus Passport Puncher, and Brian was the WTFAR-Tus Passport Puncher. Although Kate was nice enough to punch ours here too.

We did make one navigational error on the bike that put us at an off-limits highway. It would have been much faster and easier to break the rules and take the highway, and I doubt anyone would have ever known. But we would have known, and that’s not the Virtus hhhhway. We race with strength AND honor even when it sucks to do so. So we headed back around the long way, losing 30 – 40-ish minutes in the process.

Another CP or two and the sky was juuuuust beginning to brighten. It was roughly 5:30-ish AM. We had all been up around 24 hours or more at this point, and we could definitely feel the sleepiness setting in. The sun rising always acts as a pick-me-up and brightens our spirits, though.

As we rolled up to a 4-way intersection, I realized my front tire was going flat. So we pulled over to swap the tube with a new one. Now this is where Team Virtus/WTFAR-Tus really shines. We work together as a team to get shit done in a hurry. Everyone has a job, and everyone does it quickly and efficiently. We are like a well-oiled machine with no wasted time or energy. To see us work together is a thing of beauty.

Brian sleeping at TR Adventure Race

Brian was a big help.

Chuck asleep at Thunder Rolls AR

At least Chuck handed me a tire tool before ending up like this.

Kate sleeping at Thunder Rolls Adventure Race

Kate was very helpful too.

Sleeping Virtus at Thunder Rolls Adventure Race

The Three Sleeping Amigos

In their defense, they did offer to help. But honestly, there’s not much anyone else could have done to make things go faster. And I’m a grown man who changes his own damn tires! The only thing that would have made it go any faster is if I hadn’t taken the time to snap these photos, but it was too good to pass up.

Kate: I never fell asleep because I kept having to add clothes, but just lying down and closing my eyes for a few minutes was glorious, and I’d much rather have a picture of myself sleeping on the side of the road than a really unflattering picture of me allegedly farting in my teammate’s face.  Oh, wait…

Chuck:  I remember asking if Luke needed any help….and that was all.  I was totally asleep and didn’t even know he came over to borrow the frame pump off my bike.

Brian: my favorite part of the race.

A couple cars went by us here. They probably didn’t know what to think. It’s 6:00 AM on a Saturday, three people are sprawled out in the road and ditch, and a chubby guy (me) has his back to the road doing what appears to be something lewd and lascivious as he pumped his tire up. It probably looked a lot like this:

With the sun up, three-quarters of our team well rested, and a fresh tube in my tire, we rode onward. We entered the French Bluff Natural Area which held the closest thing to single track that we’d see in this race. The map looked easy enough that Brian said even his usual teammate Todd could find the CP’s.

easy map at Thunder Rolls AR

“Hey, Todd. Even YOU could find these!”

To prove how “easy” these CP’s would be, Brian (our least experienced navigator) took the helm and led us through the trails. While the map looked innocent enough, the hills were tough (especially that first one), and the terrain was rough. But Brian did a stellar job as the lead navigator.

Kate: I’m pretty excited to have graduated to non-least-experienced navigator, even if it’s only when Brian is with us.

Brian: I don’t nav, I carry things & paddle.

Brian navigating at Thunder Rolls Adventure Race

Brian’s first official CP as a WTFARTusan lead navigator.

It was tough but fun riding. The rocky downhill was especially fun (Yes!!). We left French Bluff and rode between some corn and soybean fields on a flat, gravel road.

Brian: I suck at single track and rocky sandy downhills, its the WTFAR way. I stayed WAAAAAY behind everyone and managed not to die on the way down.

We planned on stopping at the campground to fill up with water and unload some feces. As we approached the campground we met Team Alpine Shop as they were heading back out on their bikes having already completed the paddle. We asked how it was to which they simply replied: “It was hard.”

bathroom stop at TR AR

We all felt refreshed even if Chuck doesn’t look like it.

Oh shit. If the paddle was hard for one of the top teams in the nation, then we were screwed. We knew it was going to be rough, but none of us were prepared for what was about to happen out there on the Mississippi River. *shudders*

Stay tuned for Part 2… More to come!

Just for Fun Friday – The Tether Ball World Championship Death Match that Never Happened Edition

Back in the Spring of 2011 at the High Profile Adventure Camp, Bob Jenkins rolled over anyone and everyone who stepped up to challenge him to a tether ball match.  The tournament culminated with a championship match between Bob and Brian of Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Adventure Racing.  It didn’t end well for Brian:

Tether Ball Death Match #1

Brian’s face got up close and personal with the ball as Bob struck the final, winning blow.

Ever since the total annihilation of Brian, there has been talk of a rematch.  It was supposed to go down at this year’s camp, but Team Virtus had a date with the LBL Challenge.  When we heard The Thunder Rolls Adventure Race would be held at Camp Benson, the same place the Adventure Camp is held, we knew that Bob would once again have to humiliate Brian.  This time, however, Bob would show no mercy.  He would sweep the leg if he had to, but there was no way he was going to lose to Brian.

Brian, being the cocky, arrogant SOB that he is, showed up to Camp Benson in this awesome t-shirt made by his awesome wife, Melanie:

Tether Ball Death Match T-Shirt

Not only is Brian’s wife talented, she has put up with Brian’s shenanigans for WAY too long.

Unfortunately, the tether ball poles at Camp Benson were just like Brian and Todd… Lacking balls.  We were all very disappointed, but we focused our energy on the 24-hour Thunder Rolls.  It was one helluva good race (read part one of our race report right here).

After suffering a severe scratch from a thorn and still managing to somehow survive the race, I began packing the Virtus Van the following morning for the long drive home.  That’s when Todd spotted my Wal-Mart bag full of the nastiest, skankiest, dirty race clothes you’ve ever seen.  He asked to borrow it, and I knew what was about to happen.

Dirty Laundry Tether Ball Death Match

Ingenuity at its finest!

Bob, being the champion that he is, offered the serve to Brian.  He slowly pushed the scum-ball towards Brian when Brian immediately (and illegally I might add) smashed the “ball” back at Bob with no warning.  Bob, with cat-like speed and reflexes, returned the serve, and the “game” was on.  After two or three hits, Brian tore a hole in the “ball” and my nasty laundry flew everywhere.

Bob was willing to try to find a replacement “ball” with which to continue the Death Match, but before he could do so, Brian quit and declared himself the winner (he’s gotten pretty good at this).  You can read Brian’s fictional version of this match right here.

Regardless of the lies you’ve heard, the Tether Ball World Championship Death Match (TBWCDM) never happened.  The “ball” was not a regulation ball, Brian used an illegal (and dirty) serve to start the non-regulation match, and then he quit before we could continue.  While it was a riot watching them bat at my smelly clothes like a couple of kittens hopped up on catnip, it was NOT a real match.  Even if it was a regulation match, which it was not, Brian didn’t win it anyway.  And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Tether Ball Death Match Final Hand Shake

Bob still showed his dominance over Brian in the post-non-match handshake.

There will be a true TBWCDM!  There must be a TBWCDM!  All of you Virtusites deserve some closure.  And Brian needs to be silenced… Just like he was last time there was a real match.

Brian after being destroyed at Tether Ball

Face smashed and flat on his back… Just like he’ll end up when there’s a REAL rematch.

The Thunder Games

***Editor’s Note: This Thunder Rolls Race Report was written by Luke.  Commentary was added by Bob in Green and Kage in Blue, and Luke added a few responses in Red.  We hope you enjoy.***

The Thunder Games - Thunder Rolls 24 Hour Race Report

***Note #2: If you haven’t read or seen The Hunger Games, then you may not get a few of these references.  Don’t worry, though.  Whether you’re familiar with The Hunger Games or not, this race report will still be worthy of a Pulitzer-Prize… or at the very least, my mom will say it’s good.***

The Reaping

Every year the Head Game Maker (Race Director), Gerry Voelliger, requires two or three Tributes (Teammates), either coed or same-gender, from each District to participate in the Thunder Games.  At the reaping in each District, names are drawn to decide who will race with whom.  When Adam’s name was announced as the first Tribute, everyone was shocked.  He was just so frail and helpless, everyone knew he wouldn’t make it.  The Games would eat him alive, destroying the delicate, little flower that is Adam.  I couldn’t take it, so I screamed, “I volunteer!  Take me instead of Adam!  I volunteer!”

As I staggered forward numbly, I heard the names of the other two Tributes.  Kage and Bob were also selected for this year’s Thunder Games.  The three of us, the chosen ones, were the Tributes representing District 69, the Virtus District, for the 10th annual Thunder Games (Thunder Rolls Adventure Race).

The Trip to the Capitol

We planned on leaving the Seam (Jefferson City) around 7:00 – 7:30, and Bob was ready when I met him at his house.  In fact, he had time to squeeze in a vigorous workout in preparation for The Games.

Bob Doing Curls

Sun’s out guns out.

Each Tribute is allowed to take one Token with them into The Thunder Games.  The Token is supposed to represent and remind them of home.  Bob’s choice was easy, but I was still humbled and honored when he chose to take a gift that I had given him.

Bob's Goldmember Speedo for Thunder Rolls

The gift that keeps on giving.

We were running late, but when we arrived at Kage’s place in the Hob (St. Louis), she was nowhere to be found.  I guess she was trying to make a last minute trade of small game for some much needed supplies (glow sticks).  After waiting roughly 4 hours (Kage: I actually pulled in right after they did, but the look on their faces was priceless), Kage finally graced us with her presence, and we made our way to the Capitol (Mount Caroll, IL).

On the way to the Capitol, Kage kept crying and blowing her nose.  She must have been worried about leaving her family behind (actually her allergies had flared up in a BIG way).  She looked absolutely miserable, but we knew she’d be fine once the race started.

Upon arrival, we checked in with the amazing Peacekeepers (volunteers), and we received our awesome schwag bags.  The North Face Hoodie and the Boetje’s mustard are my favorite!

Training Session in Front of the Gamemakers (AKA – Ascending Practice)

We met up with fellow Tributes from District 68 (Iowa), Todd and Brian from WTFAR and Dave from Tardy Rooster, who were staying in the same cabin as us.  They had already formed an alliance that would prove to be strong, and they became WTFARTR (pronounced WootFarter).

Kage had never rappelled before.  She had never ascended before.  In fact, she had never really done anything with fixed ropes before.  Fortunately, we were allowed to practice ascending before the pre-race meeting.  Our Mentor (Robyn Benincasa) told us that we needed to get our game faces on.  We had to show no fear, and we really needed to impress the Gamemakers.


All hooked up and ready to go.

Bob and Kage each hopped on a rope, and they made short work of the 40 – 50 foot ascent.  After just a little bit of instruction, Kage seemed to grasp ascending quite well.  Then I shimmied my way up to join them.  It was physically challenging for all of us, but we were ready.

Kage: I had been really nervous about the ropes sections of the course, and this practice really set me at ease.  Huge thanks to the volunteers there!


Movin’ on up!

Opening Ceremonies (Pre-Race Meal/Meeting/Route Planning)

We all ate one last meal together, and it was delicious.  As we enjoyed the food, we looked around at all of the other Tributes.  The Careers were all there, Wedali, Alpine Shop, and Bushwhacker.  They looked at ease, but we knew they had been trained to destroy us all.

Head Gamemaker, Gerry Voelliger, introduced himself and then informed us of all we would need to know. He is notorious for his sadistic ways, and everyone knows that he gets joy out of the Tributes’ suffering.

Gerry Voelliger at The Thunder Rolls

Don’t underestimate this man.

We received our maps, and Kage and I plotted our course while Bob worked on last-minute survival skills… Um… Actually he took a shower… before doing a 24-hour adventure race… instead of taking a nap…

Bob: I didn’t want to get the Speedo dirty.

Kage: There were a few points that didn’t seem right when Luke plotted them, and I was worried that I’d screwed up the coordinates I was reading because I was so hopped up on Benadryl.  Then Gerry came in to make some adjustments to the clue sheet and everything made sense.  Whew.

Plotting points at Thunder Rolls AR

Working the maps

We plotted the points, planned our route, and packed our gear.  We got our other gear, food, and clothes packed up, and we took them to the Cornucopia (Bike Drop).  We then sat down for a few minutes before it was time.

Entering the Arena / Leg 1 – Coasteering

With high hopes, we donned our packs and headlamps and then made our way to the starting line.  After one last dukie-break, it was time to line up for a group photo.  We all wondered which of us would not make it back in one piece.

Start of the Thunder Rolls

Photo Credit: John Morris

As the clock struck midnght, Gerry yelled, “Go!”  And Go we did.  In fact, we started faster than we normally do.  We normally either start out at a walk or we only run far enough to be out of range of the cameras before we walk.  Not this time, though.  We started running, and we didn’t stop right away.  In fact we just kept running.

We weren’t setting any records, but I was feeling pretty good about our pace.  The Careers were way out of sight of course, but for us, it was a good start.  As we got into Mount Carroll, we entered a park.  It was then and only then when we slowed to a walk.  WTFARTR was right with us, and there were even a few teams behind us.

Bob:  While I typically enjoy the isolation associated with being in last place, it felt really good to be among other teams. I thought we held a respectable pace and I was surprised we didn’t pass more people during this part of the race. I think we should do this running thing more often.

Kage: I wanted to die a little bit here, but there was no way I was going to be the one who was the first to quit running.  I blame the Benadryl and certainly not my lack of training.

The next section was a Coasteering section where we had to stay within the banks of the Wakarusa River.  The depth of the river ranged from ankle-deep to neck-deep, and in one or two places the water was over our heads.  So we basically had to hike/wade/swim down the river at 12:30 AM with full packs on.  And it… was… awesome!  It might be one of my favorite legs of any race we’ve ever done.

Bob: Echo that. I remember swimming next to Todd and we were both laughing hysterically. This part of the race was just plain awesome.

Kage: Loved it!

Unfortunately, I have no photos of this leg since my camera isn’t waterproof, Kage’s camera is waterproof but has no flash, and Bob’s camera is waterproof with a flash but he couldn’t find it before leaving District 69.  Trust me, though.  It was an absolute blast.  Fortunately, race photographer, John Morris, was out there to capture this shot:

Coasteering at the Thunder Rolls 24 Hour Adventure Race

Big thanks to John Morris for being out there snapping Photos. And yes, Brian Van Weelden and I are holding hands. Be jealous. (Photo Credit: John Morris)

On the other hand, it kind of sucked, too.  It was never easy.  Our socks and shoes immediately filled with grit, sand, and rocks.  Trying to empty them was a losing battle.  The uneven, rocky terrain underfoot wreaked havoc on our ankles, shins, and knees.  Every one of us in our 6-person super-group of Team Virtus and WTFARTR fell over at one point, and a couple of us even went completely under.  We managed to pass a couple of teams who missed a Checkpoint that was tucked behind some rocks which was nice, but walking through the water just hammered our quads and hip flexors.  It was rough.

Regardless… It was one of the highlights of not only this race, but of my adventure racing career.  Yes, I enjoyed it (and hated it) that much.

Leg 1 Continued – Orienteering & Rapelling

After CP 4, we were allowed to leave the Wakarusa behind.  We grabbed a couple of CP’s, and then WTFARTR got a bit ahead of us on our way up to get another CP at the top of a reentrant at a creek junction.  As we were heading up, they were heading back down.  Once we punched the passport, I took a look at our map.

The next CP was on top of a narrow ridge.  We were already up high, so I thought we should stay high.  I thought it was very odd that WTFARTR (in addition to a couple of other teams) had gone back down.  Especially since WTFAR’s motto is, “Up is good… except when it’s not.”  I figured they must have tried bushwhacking and thought it wasn’t a good option, so I asked my fellow Tributes what they wanted to do.  And then something amazing happened.  Kage gave an opinion.

Now that may not sound like a big deal, but I think it’s huge.  You see, before this race, Kage never really gave her opinion.  She always just went along with whatever we decided.  Most of the time she never gave an opinion because she didn’t really know enough about the map or the terrain to give an informed decision.  And some of the time she probably wasn’t comfortable speaking up for fear of being wrong.  Not this time, though.

She piped up right away, “I say we stay high instead of going all the way down just to come all the way back up.”  I agreed, but I was still baffled as to why WTFARTR went back down.  So I decided to bushwhack just a bit to see if it opened up any.  And boy, did it open right up.  In fact, there was a perfect little trail that led right to the CP.  Good call, Kage!

Kage: I just didn’t want to climb uphill again.

The next CP was in the back of a cave where we all had to be punch our wristbands at the CP (roughly 300 ft back) to prove that the entire team went all the way in.  This cave is really cool.  It’s very narrow at points, and with teams coming and going, we got up-close and personal with complete strangers as we passed each other.  The bats in this cave were like Kamikaze pilots, dive-bombing right in front of our faces or at the backs of our heads.  Just a really cool experience.

From here, our next CP was the rappel, and I was REALLY looking forward to this.  For those of you that don’t know, Bob lost a bet to me, so he had to wear a Speedo of my choosing for part of this race.  We opened up a poll for all of you Virtusites, and even though Bob and Brian tried to cheat the system with Brian voting from 40 different computers for “Biking at Night,” their attempt was thwarted by all of you good, honest people, and “Fixed Ropes” won the vote.

Bob: Hey now, I think if you look back you’ll see that Casey gave the OK for multiple votes as long as they came from different IP addresses.

Luke: He didn’t give the OK, he just said it was possible.  It wasn’t cheating, but it wasn’t exactly on the up and up, now was it?  It doesn’t matter now.  The right choice prevailed.

As Kage and I were putting on our harnesses, Bob was swapping his clothes for the Gold Speedo.  There were several teams and a handful of volunteers there to witness this historic event, but we were sad that WTFARTR was going to miss it.

But then we heard some crashing through the woods and then a loud, “Yeeesssss!!  We made it in time!”  It was Brian, followed by Todd and Dave.  They had realized their mistake and then hauled ass to catch up to us.  Now all was right in the world.  Our good friends would be there to see Bob “shine.”  We posed for a photo or twelve, but be warned.  Once you see the next few photos, you will never feel the same about Bob Jenkins.  You will love him even more (if that’s possible).

Kage: I had seriously mixed feelings.  On one hand, the Speedo bet was hilarious and has given us hours of fun.  On the other hand, I’d have wanted to die before walking out in front of a bunch of other people in basically no clothes.  No matter how uncomfortable Bob might have been, though, he owned it.  And laughing about this insanity distracted me from my terror of heights and the knowledge that I was about to rappel for the first time.  Thanks, Bob!

Luke: Kage is right.  The whole thing was absolutely hilarious, but when it came time for it to actually go down, I was feeling pretty badly about it.  Not badly enough to put a stop to it, of course.  I mean, a bet’s a bet.  Bob was simply superb.  He more than owned it.  He owned it, took it public and sold shares, and then bought all the shares back again.  Bob, you were fantastic!  Seriously, no one should EVER punk out on a bet after seeing you live up to this one (and yes, Brian, I still owe you a snack from our bet!).

Bob Goldmember Jenkins with Team Virtus

Bob looked fabulous! (Photo Credit: Brian Van Weelden)

Bob in a Speedo with Brian

I think Brian enjoyed this moment almost as much as I did. Almost.

After laughing our asses off, it was time to throw ourselves off of a cliff.  Kage had never rappelled before.  As in NEVER.  So her first rappel was going to be 100 feet high or so, in the dark, with a free-fall, into a river.  The plan was for me to go first so I could belay her at the bottom, she would go second so Bob could give her encouragement from above, and then Goldmember himself would rappel down in the Gold Speedo.

Kage had fingerless biking gloves, and I had full-fingered, leather gloves.  I also had a pair of full-fingered biking gloves in my pack that I offered her.  She was about to accept my offer when one of the volunteers said she wouldn’t need them.  I offered once more, but Kage said she’d be fine.  So over the cliff I went.

It was a really fun rappel, and I’m finally able to rappel without getting really nervous.  I almost fell into the water at the bottom, but I managed to stay upright.  The volunteers at the top and bottom were amazing.  As I was unclipping from the rope, they informed me that there was a hornet’s nest somewhere nearby, so Kage’s first rappel would include dangerous insects as well.  Nice, huh?

So it was Kage’s turn.  I wasn’t up there, but Bob said she seemed like she had done it a hundred times.

Kage's first rappel

No fear (Photo Credit: Brian Van Weelden)

Kage: If you really look at that picture, I look like I’m headed to the firing squad. I was really nervous waiting, to the point where my hands were shaking and I was feeling nauseous. Once I was hooked in, though, I was just focused on what I needed to do. I did get a little uncomfortable when I spun away from the wall, but I really wasn’t scared. Very cool experience.

Kage rappelled like a champ.  It’s ridiculous how she seems to have absolutely no fear (and I still haven’t heard complain).  She’s such a broodmare.  During the rappel, I think she got going a bit too fast and nearly burned her fingers.  If only she had a really wise and handsome teammate that suggested she wear full-fingered gloves.  Hmm…

Kage: Let me officially say it here on the blog: Luke, you were right. I totally should have listened to you.

Luke: Wow.  That is my favorite line of this entire race report!

Then it was Bob’s turn to rappel with Kage as his bottom-belay.  It was hard to see him at the top of the cliff, but as he came downward, his gold Speedo shone like a beacon in the night.  It was a sight to behold, let me tell you.  Bob also got going too fast, though.  He couldn’t seem to stop himself, and he yelled for a belay from Kage.  I told Kage to pull the rope tightly, but it was twisted around another rope.  Before we could figure this out, Bob was already in the river.

Kage: I feel bad about that. Sorry Bob!

Luke: It wasn’t your fault.  I couldn’t have done anything if it was me doing the belaying.  The ropes were twisted.

Bob in Gold Speedo at Thunder Rolls after the Rappel

Bob had a message for everyone (Photo Credit: John Morris)

For a minute or so, Bob stayed in the water.  We would later learn that Bob was yelling for us to stop him because the rope was burning his belly.  He said the cool water was quite soothing to his smoldering skin, and it offered a brief respite from the searing pain.  If you look closely in the photo above, you can see a small, red line on his belly just above his harness.  And if you can’t quite make it out, here is a better shot of it:

Bob's burned belly from rappelling

If you’ve never experienced a rope burn like this before, consider yourself lucky.

Even though we had already experienced a full race-worth of fun and pain, we knew we must press on.  There was a LOT more racing to do.  So onward we pushed.

Will Team Virtus find the next CP? Will they succumb to the Careers?  Will Bob continue to wear the Speedo just for fun?  Will the Tributes from District 69 survive what the head Gamemaker has planned?  Stay tuned to find out.

To Be Continued…


**NOTE** This race report is presented to you as a collaborative effort; Bob, Luke and I (Casey) pieced this one together as a group so we could each give our own impression of this event.  After many edits, re-edits, and more edits, we are happy to finally present it to you.

The original write-up is given in standard text by myself, Luke’s comments are presented to you in red, and Bob’s commentary is given in yellow. I added a response or two in blue.


As I sit and stare at my computer screen, I can’t decide where to start with the recounting of this race. Do I detail the injuries and training issues we had leading up to race day? No, that would bore both of you to death. Should I talk about our inability to decide between the 12 or 24 hour race? Maybe I should discuss my 14 hour drive from upstate NY to Oregon, IL and the luxurious accommodations at a $45.00 a night motel in Elkhart, Indiana?

Maybe we could talk about Luke & Bob’s road trip, and all of the weird things they saw along the way…like a giant statue of Abe Lincoln cupping an invisible set of balls?

Mind the step-children there, Abe

Or the strange display of Indian (or to be politically correct – Native American) teepees they found in a small town along the way.

Too many possibilities…so I guess I’ll open with how excited we were to be doing this race. It was finally here. You see we’d been looking forward to this particular race ever since we finished Team High Profile’s 8 Hour Lightning Strikes Adventure Race, (LSAR) back in April. Our Camp Benson experience had literally changed our lives and become the new metric by which all future races will be measured. It was by far the best race we’d ever done and it was only an 8 hour race. A 12 or 24 hour race by the same race director would have to be pretty epic, right (or should I say “REAL”)?

We could only hope The Thunder Rolls 12 Hour Adventure Race (btw, we finally decided on the 12 hour) would be a 12 hour version of the 8 hour race we had experienced earlier in the year. It was nearly unfathomable, but if anyone could pull it off, Gerry Voelliger was the guy.

After checking in and getting our mind-boggling schwag bags, (worth nearly the cost of the race), we headed to the communal campsite to set up Team Virtus Camp, (TVC). Luke and I set up our Hennessey Hammocks between four trees at the back of the campsite.  We asked Bob if he needed help assembling the enormous tent we had for him.  He informed us that he was sure that it wasn’t going to rain, and that he was too masculine for a tent anyway. He had plans to sleep out under the stars like a “real man”.  I think he was planning on channeling his inner Bear Grylls or some Winnebago Indian (Native American) spirits to be more prepared for race day.  If him sleeping without a tent would help us do better in tomorrow’s race…I was all for it.

I should have known better than to leave my fine buttocks exposed while tying my shoes:

How Casey got a hand-shaped red mark on his ass...

Since the ascending wall was open for practice, we changed into some race gear, hopped on our bikes, and headed over there to learn how to ascend. Ascending was the only discipline we failed to attend at the LSAR Camp, we just ran out of time.  I figured ascending would be much harder than it looked…. And I thought it looked pretty difficult.  We waited in line, watching people scamper to the top of the climbing tower some 30 – 40 feet above us.

It was obvious that some of these racers had ascended before, flying up the rope like they’re going to be in the next Mission Impossible movie.  Others swung back and forth, struggling with the task but eventually got to the top.  I was afraid I was going to look like one of these guys and flip-flopping my way up the wall..

After some instruction from one of the volunteers, I walked to the wall and began what turned out to be a physically exhausting and mentally taxing exercise. I tried to ascend as gracefully as possible, but I can tell you, without any doubt in my mind, failed…  I was anything but graceful.  I looked like young Sasquatch trying to “F” a football. like that football? You like that?!?!?

I went this way and that, back and forth.  As I struggled, I received pointers from the staff and even began figuring some things out for myself.  About half way up, it started to click and somehow I was really doing it. I felt less like a horny Sasquatch and more like a Ninja Warrior as I worked my way to the top.

One final effort..

Soon, I was at the top pulling myself up and over the edge.  I did it.  I had ascended one third of what we’d have to ascend tomorrow during the race.  I actually felt really comfortable by the end of my climb and was confident that I would be able to safely (but maybe not really fast) ascend during the race tomorrow.

Next up was Luke, who had apparently done this before at some point in his life (or maybe in a past life).  He looked like a pro climbing up the rope in short quick steps, barely breaking a sweat.   It turns out Luke is a natural ascender.  (What a jerk!) That was Greeeat!, he could go  first during the race.

Clearly, someone's been training

Luke: I may have made it up more quickly than you, but I also had the benefit of learning from your mistakes and listening to the great volunteers as they coached you.  I’m sure it would have been the other way around if I had gone first.

Bob went last and was definitely more Sasquatch than Ninja Warrior.  He took quite a while getting up the rope and nearly exhausted himself.  Initially he was pulling himself up with all arms. Bob was trying to horse his way up the rope and was taking these huge, three foot vertical increment steps each time his leg went up.

Bob nearly shits the pants trying to ascend

Dragon called out, “Baby steps, Bob!” trying to make him take smaller strides.  I shouted out something like, “Baby Steps, Gil.”  Which Luke appreciated and acknowledged with a smile (it was a reference to the cinema classic, What About Bob).  I guess I didn’t think to make the connection between Bob Jenkins and Bob Wiley, the title character of the movie.  I instead used Bob Wiley’s pet goldfish’s name.  For the rest of the climb the instructors kept yelling out instructions for “Gil”.  Bob seemed a little confused as to why everybody was calling him “Gil”.

Bob: Yeah, I might have been panicking for a minute there. And the whole time I’m blathering up the wall I’m looking around trying to figure out who this “Gil” person is…I began to think I wasn’t even going to make it 10 feet up that wall, but those volunteers REALLY helped.

Gil was much smoother and moving quickly by the time he reached the top of the tower.

To the doubters!!

We were now capable of a vertical ascend.  Maybe not quickly or with grace, but Team Virtus would be able to get to the top of the 100+ foot cliff in tomorrow’s race.

We headed back to TVC and then over to the mess hall for a spaghetti dinner put on by the Boy Scouts.  We had plenty to eat and drink, and attended the pre-race meeting shortly thereafter.  Gerry and company told us all the rules and regulations, and briefed us on the really cool, cutting edge “Radio Navigation” section that was going to be a part of the 24 hour race.  It sounded very challenging and fun.  We were beginning to regret our decision to register for the 12 hour race instead of the 24.

I also heard Gerry say something about wearing long pants or gaiters for this part of the course.  I guess I wasn’t really listening that closely to this part since we were doing the 12 hour race and I thought he was talking to just the 24 hour racers.

At the end of the race meeting we received our maps.  Our plan was to let Luke (our best navigator) work over the maps while Bob and I ran the bikes to the bike drop.  Let me tell you, it was a haul, taking us well over an hour to get the task done. When we returned, we found an ashen-faced Luke sitting half asleep where we had left him.  He said he was nauseated and having “intestinal issues” and it was bad enough that if we had signed up for the 24 hour race he would’ve strongly considered withdrawing. That would have left Bob and I to race as a team of two, so once again we were glad to be doing the 12 instead of the 24. This gave Luke another 6 hours to get over his illness and hopefully be well enough to race.

We headed back to TVC for some sleep.  Luke and I climbed into our hammocks and Bob slid into his open air sleeping bag on my extra air mattress.

What a dumbass....I mean badass

It took me awhile to get comfortable in my new hammock.   I was as excited as Ralphie Parker waiting to unwrap his new B.B. gun on Christmas morning for the following morning to finally get here.  This excitement coupled with the general commotion of the communal camp left me unable to sleep.  I lay there staring at the night sky, pondering the adventure that awaited us the next day.

Luke: I have to break in here.  He didn’t just lay there.  He tossed and turned, bounced and shimmied, shook, rattled and rolled in that damn hammock.  You know what you get when you have a 240 pound man doing that in a nylon hammock right next to you?  Waaaaaay too much damn noise!  Next time, I’ll position my hammock on the other side of camp.

Bob: For real, it sounded like someone was wearing silk pants and dry humping a leather couch. What were you doing in there?

I was about to drift to sleep when I heard…

…Indian chanting and drums in the distance??

Was I somehow dreaming or awakening from a dream and still hearing this strange music in my head?  I sat up in my hammock and pinched myself.  No, I wasn’t dreaming and the music was getting louder.  Not only was it loud, but it wasn’t stopping.  I had no idea what time it was or why an Indian (Native American) Dance of some sort was in progress next to our sleeping quarters.

Then I heard Gerry on a loudspeaker barking out instructions and it then fell into place and began to make sense; It was nearing midnight and the 24 hour racers were lining up to start their race.  There was a countdown and a loud “Go” followed by a bunch of yells. They were off.

Now that their race had started I was looking forward to some peace and quiet.  That wasn’t going to happen, though. We were all wide awake, listening to the continuous chanting and drums.  It continued and continued.  Was it going to play all night until the start of our 12 hour race?  Good God, I hoped not.  I got out of my hammock, took a leak in the brush, and climbed back into my hammock.

Eventually the music was silenced and I fell asleep… for a while.

I was sleeping like a baby when I heard Luke yell out loud and very aggressively, (and I quote), “What the fuck do you want!”  This was followed by a few more expletives and confusion on Luke’s part.

Next, I heard buck naked Bob ask where the bug spray was.  I think the more appropriate question would’ve been, “Where the hell are Bob’s clothes?”    Bob said he was getting eaten alive by bugs.  Through a sleep induced fog, Luke thought for a moment and eventually told Bob that the DEET was in the van. He asked Bob if he wanted the keys, but Bob said no, he’d make due until morning.  Then he crawled his naked ass back into his sleeping bag and we all went back to sleep.

Luke: Sorry, Bob.  When I’m awakened from a dead sleep, I tend to have no idea what’s going on.  I didn’t mean to be so harsh. And please put some pants on next time for the love of God!

Bob: If sleeping without pants is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. That being said, I will never forget bugspray again. That was horrible.

We got about four hours of sleep before being awakened by a cacophony of cell phone alarms going off.  Within minutes we heard the familiar drums and chanting start up again.  This time we didn’t mind the music, we knew it was for us and our race would be starting very soon.  Luke informed us that he was feeling much better and thought he’d be able to race.  Team Virtus was full strength and we anticipated a great race.

Level of sexiness increases from left to right

Team Virtus ate a quick breakfast; dropped a deuce (there was no line at the pit toilets) and headed towards the starting line.  We quickly grabbed our gear out of the vans and made some last minute adjustments.  After a group pre-race picture or two, all the teams bunched up at the starting line.  There was a quick count down followed by a loud “Go” and we were off.  Another life changing experience had just begun, whether we realized it or not.  We took off at a medium paced jog and followed the crowd down the road.

We jogged most of the way down the road to Control Point 1 (CP 1) where we punched our card and picked up our canoes.  Unfortunately for us, these were the same boats that we had to use for the LSAR earlier in the year.  The same boats that had lead to our now infamous swim in the Mississippi and subsequent strip show on its bank.  I am sure this is a nice boat for 2 normal sized paddlers, but we had 3 “rugbyesque” paddlers plus gear that weighed well over 750 pounds.  We were all thinking the same thing, but no one said it…..yet.

Well, shit. Here we go again.

We picked out a boat that called to us, lifted it over our heads and headed down the trail for the 1.5 mile+ portage to the banks of the Rock River.

This worked well for us. The guy in the back is totally blind, though.

About half way there Luke’s intestinal issue resurfaced.  Bob and I put the canoe down as Luke ran into the forest to commune with nature.  We were passed by 4 or 5 teams while Luke took care of his business, but he eventually rejoined us on the trail.  He wasn’t feeling real well, but wanted to continue.  Bob and I lifted the boat back up and headed to the river bank.

Practicing being under the boat..

Once we got there, we punched our card at CP 2 and noticed there was no boat ramp.  We had to climb down a steep bank with the canoe and launch from the bank.  As we put the boat in the water we had a discussion as to who would sit in the middle of the canoe.  We had decided, based on our 2 previous paddles in these canoes that the person in the middle would not paddle due to the instability of a canoe with such a load.

Why am I paying to carry a canoe?

Bob:  Check out that arm-vein!!

Bob was stuck in the middle last race and had been working really hard on his paddling all summer and Luke wasn’t feeling good but still really wanted to paddle.  It was my turn to take one for the team.  I volunteered to sit in the middle and be ferried to the next CP.

Luke: There was clearly some communication problems here, because I truly did not really feel like paddling.  Somehow, though we decided I’d be in the back.  Boo.

Casey: I was confused why you would paddle when you were feeling so poorly.  I apologize for the miscommunication, I assure you that I would have much rather paddled than have to sit entirely motionless for a lengthy period of time.  Lesson learned – communicate better next race.

Bob was in the bow and Luke was in charge of steering the canoe in the stern.  I was the baggage in the middle being instructed to sit perfectly still and not move at all.  Every time I moved even an inch, Luke would let me have it.  Apparently, to Luke it felt like the boat was going to tip whenever I moved the slightest bit, and he made it abundantly clear that I was to remain motionless.

Team Virtus in the Canoe

Casey assumes the position (Photo by: John Morris)

We were passed by many teams during the paddle.  Some of them looked like less technical paddlers than we consider ourselves to be, but I guess less technique with a third of the weight leads to a faster boat.  The paddle leg went very slowly for us, even though Bob and Luke were paddling hard and putting out a lot of effort.  I’m pretty sure we were the only canoe with an actual wake.  We passed a small bass boat and they had to turn their bow into the waves our boat was putting off.

Luke: A boat with two tiny female racers raced by us.  As we looked over at them, it appeared that they were floating completely on top of the water instead of plowing through it with very little freeboard like we were.  When I pointed out to them how they didn’t have enough weight in there boat, they said something like, “We’ll take that extra muscle that you’re not using in the middle there.”  I then joked, “You can have him.  He’s dead-weight anyway!”  Bob and I then teased Casey about how he was just an anchor slowing us down.  It seemed like we then came up with Casey’s new nickname at the same moment.  From now to eternity, Casey will be known as “Anchor Man.”  You can also call him Ron Burgandy if you like.  Casey, why did you leave this part out?

Casey: An honest mistake I assure you.  I am surprised that you didn’t refer them to a previous write where I apologized for being an anchor due to all my flat tires.  Stay classy San Diego.

Virtus Paddles away

The beginning of what seemed like the longest paddle in history (Photo by: John Morris)

About 30 minutes into a 2 hour paddle Luke transformed into a PMS’ing Betty White.  He started to bitch and complain incessantly.  We were exposed to several instant classic one-liners, none of which we’ll mention here :),  but if you re near our canoe in a future race listen and I am sure that you will hear a constant barage of these vintage Betty White one-liners that we all learned on the Rock River that day.  With all his GI issues and with the boat being so hard to maneuver, Luke was in a bit of an uber lousy mood.  I only recently found out how bad of shape Luke was really in.  I wish he had COMMUNICATED better and I knew how he was feeling during this part of the race.  I would have been a little more empathetic had I known.

We were not allowed to joke or goof around.  Any time I moved at all I was told to hold still.  I was reduced to sitting in the middle with both hands on the gunnels and my legs jammed under the seat in front of me.  My feet and legs cramped, my back was burning, and my ass was asleep but I was afraid to adjust.  Luke’s fuse was lit and the wick was quickly burning shorter.  I hoped he wasn’t going to be”Betty White” the whole race.  I wish I had a Snickers and a tampon to hand to him and tell him, “Hey Betty, you’re not you when you’re hungry and on the rag”.  I can joke about it now, but Luke was definitely not Luke at this point.

Luke: Yes, I was a total Debbie Downer (aka – a bitch) for the paddling leg of this race.  I felt like doo-doo, I didn’t want to be in the back of the boat, and that friggin’ canoe was impossible to maneuver with all of that weight in it.  On top of that, I really thought we were going to tip the canoe every time you took a breath.  Normally, I’m not like that, though.  I apologize to both of you guys for being such a jerk. I just wanted out of that damn canoe.  It was by far the least fun I’ve had in a canoe at any AR I’ve done.  Although it’s pretty funny to look back on now, it wasn’t very funny at the time.  Thanks for putting up with me, fellas.

Casey: I wish I knew how lousy your were really feeling.  I commend you for sucking it up, pushing through it, and finishing the race.  Plus, I now Bob or I can be a total jerk at a future race and not worry about it because we now have a “get out of jail free” card.  Seriously though, that’s what teams are for and we all have our moments.  We only grow together by sharing experiences like these.  The race was a blast and you rebounded nicely once we were off the river.

At long last, we reached the takeout and made ready to ride some BIKES!!

Swapping out gear to get the hell away from the boat

Luke was Luke again, and that was a very good thing.  We quickly transitioned to the bike portion of the race and headed out.  We worked our way from the TA to CP 5 and then to CP 6.  CP 6 was located at the Historic John Deere Site (where in 1836 John Deere invented the first plow using a discarded saw blade).  From here we picked up the rest of the biking CPs and ended up at the Nachusa Grasslands, where the orienteering leg of the race was to take place.

Being a little more Virtus-like again

The grasslands consist of 2800 acres of prairie remnants, restorations, and reconstructions.  The Nature Conservancy, (using hundreds of volunteers), has re-created an 1800 Illinois mosaic of prairie, savanna, and wetlands.  The volunteers literally lie on their bellies picking weeds and planting seeds one at a time.  Grasslands need a “disturbance” once in awhile to flourish.  You know… Something like a forest fire or a stampede of buffalo.  Well, in this case, we adventure racers acted as the buffalo.

Bob: As we rolled into the transition area, Casey stopped and fell over on his bike cuz he couldn’t get his shoe unclipped. It was priceless…effing priceless. If only we had a photo.

Luke:  Yeah, that was so damn funny.  He just came to a complete stop and fell right over in the middle of 30 racers or so.  Amazing.  It’s funny how he seemed to leave that part out.

Casey: I was slowing down, unclipped and stepping off my bike when I was told to park on the other side of the clearing.  So, I peddled over there without clipping back in but somehow I unknowingly clipped my one shoe back into the pedal.  When I slowed down again, I went to step down only to realize that my foot was stuck in the pedal and I went down like a ton of bricks right in front of everybody.  I definitely should have included that.  Good memory.  I wish he had a picture that we could include in the report, I went down hard.

The prairie looks exactly as it did when Chief Black Hawk made this area his home many years ago.  How cool is it to see the grasslands exactly the way they were so many years ago?  I thought it was an amazing experience; if you’ve never visited a native grassland, you need to experience it.

As you know, photos don't do justice

We were lucky to have been given this opportunity as part of the race.  This orienteering leg of the course took place entirely within the Nachusa Grasslands.  As we were transitioning from the bikes to the trekking, Bob decided to wear his Tahoe bike shoes because he didn’t feel like putting his wet trail shoes back on.  I questioned his logic, guessing that they would soon be wet too.  He said he knew what he was doing, so I let it go. We grabbed a Monster energy drink (free courtesy of the sponsors) and headed out into the grasslands.

Casey looking for shorter grass

Trekking through grass that’s over 7 feet tall is an interesting experience to say the least. Believe it or not, it’s not as soft as it looks.  It’s viciously sharp and hungry for your exposed flesh.

*NOTE TO FUTURE RACERS* Listen closely when Gerry Voelliger speaks!! If he tells you to wear pants at any time, any place, for any reason…do it.  I failed to bring suitable pants (I only had lightweight rain pants that would have been shredded in minutes had I put them on).   Somehow my teammates picked up on Gerry’s recommendation but failed to pass it along to me.  My legs were soon a burning mess of inflamed and scratched flesh.

We trekked through the first couple of check points without much issue.  We enjoyed the experience and unique opportunity to hike through these rare, native grasslands.

A rough day, but the beauty wasn't lost on us (as Luke was donning his long pants)

At one point, we decided to go into the thicker brush and “bushwhack” to the CP to “save some time”.  Not the best decision of the race.  It cost us some time hiking up and down consecutive valleys until we found the correct reentrant, and in the end, (since hindsight is always 20/20) we realized we could have followed a groomed path to the CP.  Whatever…nothing ventured nothing gained.

Luke: Yeah, that was my call.  Sorry about that.  I hate when that happens!

Crazy awesome

From here we headed down the hill and to a road.  We decided against the road and took the “shortest distance between two points” route.  We were walking through some of the thickest weeds, vines, thorns, and trees that you could imagine.  I was following close to Luke when we came out on another road.  We turned back and there was no sight of Bob.  We called out to him, and he answered that he was all right, but “stuck in some really thick shit.”

Yeah, true story.

We sort of chuckled because we knew what he was walking through.  Several minutes passed and still no Bob.  Finally, we began to hear brush moving and some swearing, but we still had no visual.  Then we saw the tops some 7 foot high grass move.  It was like we were being stalked by a velociraptor from Jurassic Park.

Motherf*&$3 %$^ & @Q%^ @#$ Hillary Duff son of &^*#$%@!!!!!!

Then we caught a quick glimpse of Bob’s head before it quickly disappeared back into the grass.  Some more grass crunching, sticks breaking, swearing, and then Bob popped out of the thicket.

You know what, I don't wanna talk about it. Let's just go.

Bob: That hurt so bad.

We proceeded to collect the rest of the CPs in the grasslands.  We finally wised up a little and took the grass road through the grasslands back to the TA even though it was a little further.  We had had enough of pushing through grass, thorns, cattails, and poison ivy (if the volunteers pick weeds and control all that grows in the grasslands, why is there so much poison ivy?).

The Dragon wandering in the grass

The tall grass presented us with a problem we’d never encountered before: Some of the pollen, (I guess), was getting in Bob’s eyes and blinding him.  His eyes were really bothering him, and it eventually became a big enough problem that something had to be done about it.

Seriously, I can't see shit!!

We couldn’t have Bob stumbling around the grasslands blindly.  But what do you do about this kind of thing?  It’s pretty simple, really: You spit clean water in his face.

Damn, now that’s friendship.

Bob: Hey, it worked.

Luke: Hey, I was more than happy to do it.

Upon arrival at the TA, we grabbed a couple Monster Energy Drinks (I think Bob ended up drinking all three of our drinks).

We had to pick burdocks and hitchhikers out of our clothes and leg hair as part of preparing for the bike ride.  We climbed on our bikes and hauled ass back to camp for the part of the race we were most were looking forward to…the pack rafting leg.

I must preface this section with a little back ground.  You see, we have been practicing for this event all summer.  Luke and I purchased the Sevylor Trail Boat back in late May or early June.  I practiced paddling mine on Canandaigua Lake in New York and Luke and Bob practiced numerous times on lakes and rivers in Missouri.  One day in late July, Bob decided to push the limits of the Trail Boat and ran a flooded creek in it.  It worked great, right up until he tore a huge gash in the bottom of the boat and sank it.


Bob had planned to replace Luke’s boat and buy himself another Trail Boat for the race.  The only problem was that Sevylor no longer made this boat and all vendors were out of stock.  You could not purchase a new or used Sevylor Trail Boat anywhere in New York, Missouri, or on the internet.  We looked everywhere.  What were we going to do?  The race was only a few weeks away and we only had 1 one-person pack raft.  We looked at other Sevylor rafts as well as some Alpaca Rafts (which would’ve been ideal, but we just could not justify the cost).

That’s when we got lucky and found out about the cool kids at They’re a company here in the UNITED STATES that produces the flytepacker. It’s lighter than the Trail boat, tougher than nails and half the price of an Alpacka. I can inflate mine in less than 2 minutes and it deflates in seconds.

Photo of the Flytepacker in action--from FWD's website

Bob: I should also mention that their customer service is phenomenal. I’ve been in contact with them no less than a dozen times and am always impressed with their service.  Every time I call them I get to talk to a real person,(usually a feller named Marc), and when I send  email I ALWAYS get a quick response. Top notch service without fail, and that’s no bullshit. These guys are the real deal, and their boat is pretty damn good too.

It packs down to nothing!!

As we rode into the TA from the final Bike CP we were like giddy school girls and seemed to have a surge in our energy levels.  We got the rafts out and went to work to inflating them as fast as we possibly could.  The Flytepackers were inflated in less than 3 minutes and the Trail Boat in about 10.  As we were getting all of our stuff together, we heard a volunteer yell that all 12 hour racers just coming in would be short-coursed to the final trekking leg and forced to skip the packrafting section.  I can’t convey to you the disappointment, heartbreak and then anger we felt at this point.  I actually thought Bob was going to start crying.  He was by far the most excited to test out his new raft.   We’d been looking forward to this all summer and had spent a lot of money just for this part of the race.

Bob and Luke were getting ready to deflate the rafts and move on with the race.  I told them to wait a second and left our area in the TA area.   I walked over to the volunteer area and asked if we were included in the group that was being short-coursed and gave them our race number.  They checked the clipboard and told me we were NOT short-coursed and that we could do the pack rafting leg if we wanted to do so.

Did I detect a sadistic smirk on his face or was it just my imagination?  I decided he was happy for us because he sensed how badly we wanted to raft.

I ran back to the TA and  told my dejected teammates we weren’t being short-coursed and we could do the pack raft leg “if we wanted to”.

“If” we wanted to do the pack raft leg?  Of course we want to pack raft!!  That’s what we came here for!!  We grabbed our crap and took off West toward the river.

This is where things started turning sour.  You see, we never took the time to walk to the river front at the camp prior to the race.  So when we left the TA, we headed off into some campsites and were nowhere near the river.  I suggested heading back to the TA to find a trail leading to the river, but Luke and Bob voted against it.  They were afraid if we went back, we wouldn’t be allowed to start the pack raft leg.  I went along with the team’s decision knowing the river still had to be west of our current location and it couldn’t be much further.  We found a little trail heading west and took it.

This trail quickly became very challenging as we started to climb over piles of brick and block debris.  How was this trail to the river front? I had a hard time visualizing little boy scouts walking down this trail.  I’m pretty sure we were in a ditch that had been used to dump all the building refuse over the years.

**Choking Luke** Admit it, ya bastard!!..we shoulda turned around!! I was right!! I was right!!!

Luke: As much as I hate to admit it, we should have listened to Casey here.  On the other hand, I’d like to point out the remnants of a chocolate energy bar on Casey’s lip in the above photo as he’s strangling me.  Gross!

Casey: I always think it is prudent to save a little for later.  How could you not tell me there was chocolate on my mouth?  We’re teammates and brothers; we don’t shake hands we hug.  You can tell me when I have some crap on my mouth.

Then it got steeper, thornier, and there was a drop off.  We were considering turning back when Bob saw a “fresh footprint”.  How the hell did he now it was fresh?  I speculated it was somehow related to his self sacrificing actions the previous night.  Based on the fact that another team must have gone this way and that it headed west, we decided to push on.  Anyway, we had to be closer to the river than we were to the TA at this point.  We climbed down a little rocky drop off and it got even worse, more thorns, overhead brush, and then the mosquitoes.

Bob: If anyone is curious, these are the links I used to explain to Casey the difference between a fresh and an old footprint

The bugs were so dense you could literally scrape them off your body.  I remembered the photos we saw of Ron (one e of the race volunteers and also an instructor form the High Profile Adventure Camp) from when he fell asleep without any bug netting or bug spray.  His face was swollen, bloated, and discolored.  He hardly looked like himself at all.  I wondered if we’d wind up like that. How many mosquito bites can you get before you have an allergic reaction?  Has anybody ever died from mosquito bites?  Why did we not remember to put on any bug repellent at the TA before we left?

I guess we were in such a hurry and so excited to get in our rafts?  We decided to continue west, being chased by the buzzing swarm. Eventually we arrived at the shore and we all ran out into the river in search of relief.  The water was refreshingly cool and the bugs couldn’t get to any part that was underwater.

Right at home on the water

We assumed that we were up river from the CP as we could see a couple of boats heading up river and decided to float down river.  In a few minutes we hit the CP and beached our rafts.  We quickly punched our card and hopped back into our rafts.  It was time to put our sharply honed skills in our pack rafts to use.

Flytepacker boats...more stable and comfy than a Trailboat

We took off paddling at a good pace and made some gains against the current.  We had to decide whether to go to the left or right of the islands in the middle of the river.  I’m not really sure why we decided to go to the left but we did.  Luke was a little ahead of me and Bob was a little behind me.

Everyone had trouble fighting the current

We worked hard to get across the current near the island so that we could hug the farshoreline, in hope of less current and an easier paddle.  Luke made some progress and was a little ahead of me now.   I found a tree on the bank that was maybe 7 or 8 feet up river and thought I’d see how long it took me to get there.  I paddled and paddled and paddled some more. It took me about 10 minutes.

10 minutes to go less than 10 feet?  Are you kidding me?  I tried to calculate in my oxygen deprived mind how long the paddle would take at this rate.  This was not good.

After another 20 or 30 minutes of aggressive paddling, I came to an area of the river that narrowed because of a fallen tree.  I paddled balls out for a good five minutes and moved at most 6 inches.  I floated a few feet down river and eddied out behind the fallen tree, catching my breath and transitioning to a more aggressive paddling position (I was now on my knees and closer to the front).  With a little prayer and a shout I pushed off the bank to try one more time.  I really dug deep, and after much effort I made it to the end of the tree.  I hung to the tree, trying to recover and slowly pulled myself a little further up river.

Bob pushes his boat upstream past a 4-person raft. Total misery

This wasn’t working so I pushed off and began paddling balls to the wall once again.  I moved 2 to 3 inches with each stroke and would slip back down river a good inch before I could get the other blade back into the water.  So this means that I was netting 1 to 2 inches per stroke.  I looked up and realized that I was being passed by a guy and a woman.  They were walking in the river pushing their boat and moving faster than I was in an all out paddle.  I processed my options and rolled over the edge of my boat and into the water.  I too was able to move more quickly employing this technique.

Luke was the only one capable of paddling upstream

I figured I still had at least half way to go before I reached the next CP.  I kept walking and pushing my boat in water ranging from waist to neck deep.  The terrain underfoot varied from loose sand to shin-deep river mud.  Oh, I forgot to mention the current pushing against my “rugbyesque” torso. It was not fun, but we weren’t the only ones suffering. This part of the course was a real equalizer; Skinny, fat, short and tall…the river was punishing everyone. We saw a LOT of teams give up and head back downstream.

As I walked along I made friends with a happy couple, Josh and Tina, from Team 13 Inches.  We chatted and worked together to get upriver.  At one point, we formed a 3-person chain and pulled one another across the current. Very good sportsmen, those two…together we made our journey up river and had some great conversation getting to know each other.

Casey's friends...not sure why they're so happy?? Must have been going downstream at the time

We continued to walk up river.  I had no idea how far behind me Bob was or how far ahead of me Luke was at this point.  I just knew I had to push onward and find my teammates.  As I came around the end of the island, I saw Luke sitting in the Trail Boat with his feet up on the side just chilling out in the water, as if he was working on his tan.  What a jerk.

I said goodbye to my new friends and made my way into the still water where he was waiting.  Luke asked where Bob was.  I didn’t know; there was just no way to stick together out in that current.  I hadn’t seen him since we were trying to get past the first bottleneck of the river.  This was taking us much longer than we anticipated; we had to wonder if skipping the rafting leg may have been the better decision.

Then in the distance we saw a tall, hairless Sasquatch like creature walking upriver humped over his raft.  He was shirtless and had his shorts hiked up to his ribcage (a great look for Bob).  We waited until he was in shouting distance and then we showered him with encouraging words.  Once again, Team Virtus was all together.

Dong Daly's new screensaver

We proceeded upriver as a single unit, Bob and I pushing our fancy rafts and Luke paddling his Trail Boat.  Finally, we reached the beach and gladly climbed out of the water.  What was the reward for all of this effort?  A short walk around a bluff and then up over 100 steps to a scenic overlook.

Oh, only 100 steps? COOL!!

As I climbed the first few stairs my quads began to cramp a bit.  I ignored the cramping and pushed up the stairs eager to see the view from the top.  I was sure this lookout was the same one I had seen online.  This photo is taken looking downstream. See that bend in the water towards the right of the photo? That’s the island we were talking about earlier. Take a moment to look at the current and feel sorry for the poor bastartds in that tiny fleck of a yellow raft on the right.

Worth the climb. Maybe not worth the paddle 🙂

Finally, we were at the top and took a few minutes to enjoy the vistas.  We snapped a few pictures and then headed back down the stairs and to our rafts.

We were looking forward to a leisurely float down river to the takeout.  As we pushed off, Luke and I looked back and saw Bob actively engaged in enjoying this experience.  All that was missing was a couple of beers in his boat.  He had his shoes off and his feet propped up on the edges of his boat.  He was fully reclined and relaxing.

Enjoying our boats for the first time all day

We took our time and really enjoyed the beauty of the river for the first time.  We knew the race was almost over  so we wanted to savor this experience together.

Almost done!!

We quickly reached the takeout and climbed to the shore.  Why did it take us 90 minutes to go upriver and only 5 minutes to come down?  I wished it could have somehow been the other way around.  We deflated our boats and headed back to the TA.  Once we checked back in and got our final orienteering map we realized that we only had about 25-30 minutes before the end of the race.  Luke voted to call it a day but Bob and I wanted to try for one more CP.

Betty… I mean Luke was too exhausted to lead, and felt there was no way we could get to the nearest CP and return to the finish line in the remaining time. I wasn’t really “feeling” the map, but wanted to try for one more CP and new Luke was our best chance of making it happen.  He had been point on all day with the navigation.

Luke: Actually, I was pretty crushed at this point.  I had dreamed about a good performance at this race for so long that realizing we weren’t going to come close to clearing the course took the wind right out of my sails.  I guess that’s why Betty White was back. Well that, and the fact that I was almost positive we couldn’t get another CP in time.

Bob is the least experienced navigator on the team (he says he can’t navigate for s**t – his words not mine), but he gamely decided to jump in with both feet and lead for once.  He took charge and said “F’ it,   I’ll lead.”  He looked at the map, took a quick bearing and we were off.  Bob was using dead reckoning , putting us on a course straight from point A to point B. (a direct route as the crow flies).

We were in a dead run in a race against the clock, and running  isn’t exactly our specialty (yet). As we started into the woods,  Betty… er, Luke mentioned we could take the trail around a ravine and get there quicker and easier.

Bob responded with, “Who’s leading!?!”

Bob: I regretted saying that even as it was coming out of my mouth. It was a very tense  moment and I felt like someone needed to take charge. There wasn’t time for deliberation, only enough time to  make a quick decision and commit to it. I think we all had some out-of-character moments that day.

Luke: Agreed.  I shouldn’t have even second-guessed you.  You manned-up.  We didn’t.  ‘Nuf said.

Casey: Yeah, nice job Bob.  Way to take charge we really needed somebody to.  I should have done it and dropped the ball forcing it onto you.  I owe you one.  In hind sight, we probably didn’t have enough time to get another point but I felt like we needed to end on a positive note.

So we went his way, up and down a ravine covered with thorns and poison ivy.  Then we came out on a trail, so I guess Betty was right but Bob was in charge.  We plunged down into another steep ravine lined with even more thorns and poison ivy.  As we came out of that mess, we hit another trail and stopped for a clock and map check.

Chances were pretty good that we’d miss the cutoff if we pushed on to get this last CP.  Should we chance it?  It would definitely be close.  Could we push the pace and make it?

I wanted that last CP so badly.   It would somehow put a positive finish on a very difficult and challenging race.  We could finish strong and on our own terms, but our fear of missing the cutoff was stronger than our desire to get the last CP.  As a team, we decided to head back to the finish line and call it a day.

And so we finished on a bit of a low note.  We felt dejected and disappointed with our performance.  We had trained hard for this race, and we had overcome several injuries just to be here.  Our goal was to clear the course and finish as quickly as we could.  Well, we finished as quickly as we could, but we didn’t clear the course.

We never made it to the 300 foot zip-line/ascension CP.  I wish we could have but I wouldn’t have traded it for the pack raft experience.  We finished as a team, learned a lot from this race, and grew closer despite the temper flare-ups.  We overcame adversity and a sick teammate’s near-meltdown.  After all of this we were still teammates, friends, and brothers.

Luke: And that’s what a true TEAM does. Big thanks to both of you guys for putting up with and carrying me in my darkest moments.

Casey:  I am just paying it forward for when you’ll have to do the same for me.

Luke: Wait… Wouldn’t that be paying it in advance?

Team Virtus at the Finish Line of the Thunder Rolls

Luke faking a smile to cover up the disappointment, Casey as happy as a 13 year-old girl at a Justin Bieber concert, and Bob... Well, that's just Bob being Bob. (Photo by: John Morris)

We looked forward to a nice evening together.  After a quick shower and a snack (fresh hot pizza, nuts, and Gatorade provided by the race) we headed to a local watering hole where we met up with ”Peace By inches”, another team we had become friends with during the race.

We were in for a real treat, not only was the food good and the beer cold… they had live entertainment.  We got rocked out by the hard core heavy metal band, Rat Baxter.  They sang plenty of covers and a couple of originals.  They continually rocked too hard and blew the power in the whole bar at least 4 or 5 times.  Bob was really into the band and got our whole group into it.  We had a blast.  At one point the local ladies were out on the dance floor cutting a rug.  Our table began chanting Bob…Bob…Bob.

Rat Baxter.....holy shit.

Bob did not let us down, he answered the call.  He hopped up and owned the dance floor, shaking his ass like he was gettin’ paid.  The ladies were all over him and he can really dance.

Bob gets mobbed by horny locals while looking for the nearest exit

He was, however, being closely watched by one of the ladies’ companions.  Some crazy ass biker wearing just a black leather vest (if you looked closely you could catch a glimpse of an occasional nipple) had a 10 inch bone handle hunting knife strapped to his side.  It looked like Mic Dundee’s knife from the classic movie Crocodile Dundee.

Luke: This sounds completely fabricated, but it’s all true.  I was there, and I can confirm all of this.

Bob: The one that sticks out in my memory most is the short one in front of me who’s looking down. I think she had ideas..I’m glad we got out of there when we did.

Luckily, the dance ended uneventfully and we finished our meal and drinks as the band rocked on.

Since our ears were bleeding a bit and our throats were getting sore from trying to talk over the “music”, we decided to relocate to different bar.  Here we hung out, relaxed, and exchanged war stories from the day’s race and races gone by.  Time flew by, but we wanted to get back to see the last teams from the 24-hour race cross the finish line.  We said goodbye to our new friends and headed back to the camp.

We arrived with plenty of race time left to “clap in” the last three 24 hour team across the finish line.  While it’s impressive to see the first teams cross the finish line, there’s something to be said for those teams that get by on guts and grit, and persevere just for the experience.  You should have seen their faces as they crossed the finish line.  They were totally spent physically, emotionally, and spiritually, but there was certainly an aura of pride and accomplishment surrounding them.

There are always plenty of people around to clap in the winners and top teams.  However, there are often only race organizers and a few volunteers there to see the last few teams in.  We’ve been there.    Whenever possible (if we are not the last team) we like to see the last handful of teams cross the finish line.  They’re kindred spirits and are just as important to the sport as the top teams are.

Great job by all teams that raced.  Thank you to all of the volunteers for making the race a success.  Thank you to Team High Profile for putting on such a “REAL” race that challenged us physically as well as mentally.  Also, a big thanks to all the sponsors who made it all possible.

Two things I learned from this race that you’ll want to know for future Lightening Strikes Adventure Races and Thunder Rolls Adventure Races are as follows:

1) If Gerry recommends that you wear pants for any reason, at any time, at any place…DO IT!  Don’t doubt him, don’t question him, don’t argue, just do it!!!

Casey's scratched legs

Listen to Gerry for the love of God!

2) Gerry Vollinger is one sadistic SOB (we love him and could definitely feel his love for us during the upriver pack raft paddle).

Bob: Yeah, Screw you you’re the man, Gerry:)

Casey: Thanks for putting on such a “REAL” race Gerry.  It took me a while to really appreciate the experience.  We had a great time and a real memorable experience.  We are looking forward to the LSAR and the Thunder Rolls next year (or this year – 2011).

Luke: Yup, a big thanks to Gerry and all of the unbelievable volunteers.  You guys put on one helluva race!  And Gerry, you are a piece of work… in a good way.

I guess no race report is complete without the results, right?  Well, as disappointed and demoralized as we were, and with as much BS that we went through together as a team, we actually did much better than we had anticipated.  We ended up in 4th place out of 8 teams in the 3-person open division (finishing only 12 minutes behind the 3rd place team), and we finished in 8th place out of 40 teams overall.  Apparently, the pack-rafting took its toll on other teams as well.  Four teams DNFed, and only two teams cleared the course.

Now that time has passed, I look back at the experience fondly and know that we’ll be back next year for both races.  Don’t be discouraged by this report, see it as a challenge and rise up to it.  You’ll grow from the experience and after it’s all over and time passes….. you too will look back fondly at the experience and smile.  We’ll see you there next year (I guess it’s later this year now, isn’t it?).

(Note: If you wanna see all of our photos from this race go here for Casey’s Photos and also go here for Luke’s Photos.)

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